Michelle Obama is gathering hundreds of children at the White House tomorrow to attempt to break the Guinness Book of World Records record of the number of people doing jumping jacks at the same time. She's part of a push by National Geographic Kids to get more than 20,000 people around the world to do jumping jacks for one minute at the same time.
The third quarter fundraising deadline for presidential candidates is today, today's the day! If you are subscribed to President Obama's campaign email or text message alert lists, you're well aware of this, because you are constantly getting emails and text messages with cutesy variations of, "So how bout those dumb Republicans, eh? Want to have dinner? Give us money right now." Here's the official recorded history of this aggressive blitz, going back a couple of weeks.
Michelle Obama was snapped Thursday at the Target store in Alexandria, Virginia. (Click image to enlarge, if you don't believe us!) Hidden beneath a Nike cap and sunglasses, the First Lady pushed her own cart around the store for approximately 30 minutes, and was recognized only by her cashier. The White House confirmed that it was indeed Mrs. Obama rummaging through the discount Missoni chemise bin, with First Lady communications director Kristina Schake explaining, "It is not uncommon for the First Lady to slip out to run an errand, eat at a local restaurant or otherwise enjoy the city outside the White House gates." Will this be the TP-run that loses Obama the union vote? Developing! [Photo credit: AP]
Royal horror: Pippa Middle got into an upskirt photo situation at London Fashion Week. Now, the simplest way to avoid an upskirt photograph is to wear longer skirts or pants. (Or live in a world with civility. Hah! Right.) Unfortunately, starlets live in a world where the skirts are short, the cars are fancy and difficult to climb out of, and cameras are everywhere. Consequently, starlets' vaginas are in perpetual peril. How do they deal with this? Now presenting the Seven Highly Effective Habits of Starlets With Cameras Pointed Up Their Skirts.
Oh man, the Washington Post has caught hypocrite Michelle Obama red-handed, stuffing her hypocrite face with hypocrite hamburgers and shakes and fries at a diner. Why isn't she eating organic free-range slime and hippie grain dirt or whatever the hell she forces children to eat in school, hmm? Hypocrite. Fraud!
Barack Obama is one of those magical, dulcet-voiced beings capable of calming fussy babies. This is known. Here's a video documenting his technique. "You okay, baby?" he shouts in the crying baby's face. "No! No! Come on, baby. You won't cry." He lifts the baby out of wife Michelle's arms. It stops crying. I can't believe that actually worked.
The Gossip Girl star would like some awards recognition, please. Also today: Leo DiCaprio taps into his murderous side, yet another CSI departure, and a Noah's Ark movie might be imminent.
Michelle Obama and her nosy goons at the USDA have destroyed America's beloved "food pyramid" nutritional diagram in favor of a new "food plate," which they unveiled this morning. As if any Americans eat food off a plate? Wake me when the nutritional diagram for wolfing down food over the kitchen sink comes out.
There are not any funny jokes to be made about alleged sexual assault. On the other hand, this 2009 photo of alleged sexual assaulter Dominique Strauss-Kahn meeting the Obamas is pretty funny, now. Ace job with the gentle restraint there, Prez. Because you know that Dominique Strauss-Kahn! Always (allegedly) goin' nuts around the ladies (unless a court of law determines otherwise).
While the president continues his European tour with a stop in Poland, Michelle Obama is heading home. But is she going home to be with her daughters? Or is it because she hates Poland, and more specifically, its president?
The Obamas hung out with the Windsors today. Buckingham Palace's wind dynamics raised an important question: If the First Lady of the United States of America had a Marilyn Monroe moment, would journalists photograph it? Or would they turn their lenses away out of respect and/or shame? Or would the Secret Service swoop in and destroy their cameras one by one, like so many Hollywood bodyguards?
During one of Ellen DeGeneres's wacky games on her daytime laffs show today, a contestant was asked "What is the name of the First Lady?" And, yikes, she just couldn't remember it!
That the country's youth are plagued by an obesity epidemic is not up for dispute. But just how best to battle The Heavying of America is. There's Michelle Obama's straightforward, "Let's Move!" approach, which — let's face it — requires a lot of heavy lifting. But does it really address the problem? Not the children's inactivity and addiction to 2-liter bottles of Fanta — that's the symptom. I'm speaking of the problem: those completely out-to-lunch parents.
Best diet! Paul Pierce! Boxy gyms! Gatti movie! NFL workouts! Seniors exercising! Fitness chore! Discrimination tests! Michelle Obama! And the dangers of manhood! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dashingly!
President Obama made it back from Ground Zero yesterday just in time for a packed White House Cinco de Mayo party. He prepared for the crowd all sorts of Mexico-related jokes, for which the First Lady served as a useful prop at times. Mexican food is Michelle's favorite, Obama said, adding that "you do not want to be between Michelle and a tamale." Not that she's fat or anything, he hastily adds — she exercises, too! Oh, to be a prop wife.
There are ways to summon magical beings: A tooth under the pillow summons the tooth fairy. Clapping saves Tinkerbell. And a gymnasium full of school children line dancing to "Move Your Body" guarantees that Beyoncé shows up. Here's another video of stiletto-clad Beyoncé materializing during a "Move Your Body" workout, this time at P.S. 161 in Harlem. Apparently giving tween girls heart attacks is part of Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign? Although these girls are actually pretty blasé. I can't decide if they knew that Beyoncé was coming, or were just like, "Oh, like the viral video. Duh."
