On Saturday night, CBS brought us the first hour of a 90-minute debate between the Republican candidates for President (apparently, an NCIS rerun was more important than an extra half-hour of politics). But as Jon Stewart observed on tonight's Daily Show, mixed in with the standard GOP talking points—like the belief that waterboarding isn't torture—were some less crazy ones, and from the unlikeliest of candidates.

Michele Bachmann thinks America blew it by extending a safety net to millions of Americans under President Johnson's "Great Society." Her solution? Model the economy after communist China.

The GOP's Presidential candidates split sharply on the question of whether or not to torture prisoners at Saturday night's national security debate in South Carolina. Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann aggressively defended the use of waterboarding, while Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman condemned torture as immoral and illegal.

Before yesterday's Battle of Spartanburg—aka "another goddamn Republican presidential debate"—Michele Bachmann's campaign intercepted a terrible email from a CBS staffer stating that Bachmann wouldn't be asked as many questions as the other clownidates because she's polling at four percent and will lose. Vulgarity ensued.

The Occupy people took to the high seas for some mischief today. 'Twas aboard the USS Yorktown where they found Michele Bachmann, who was delivering a big foreign policy speech to god knows who.

You may have heard Republicans call President Obama a socialist a few times. But now Michele Bachmann is using the loaded term to attack Mitt Romney, dropping a veiled shot at an unnamed "frugal socialist" who could challenge Obama in 2012.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg addressed an international economic forum at Columbia University on Thursday, during which he sounded off against certain, nameless, intellectually substandard presidential candidates who claim not to believe in things like the theory of evolution and global warming.

How much does Michele Bachmann's campaign hate New Hampshire? So much, say her ex-staffers there. And now it's mailed in her ballot paperwork instead of staging the usual in-person event. How rude! New Hampshire doesn't take kindly to mail.

Is there is a relationship between Michele Bachmann's fingernails and her political significance? It seems that as Michele's popularity fluctuates, so too do the size and heft of her signature French tips. Come, let us embark on an exhaustive analysis of Michele Bachmann's cuticles, because, why not?

Michele Bachmann's entire team of New Hampshire staffers quit as a group last week, a development which Bachmann at first claimed was "certainly not true." That alone should tell you that it was true. But just in case there was any confusion out there, the resigning staffers sent out a press release today. It does not speak well of the Bachmann for President campaign operation.

Rep. Michele Bachmann's broke, flailing presidential campaign is now being straight-up Newtered: Her entire New Hampshire campaign team, which was only about six people, has quit. Their reason was something along the lines of 'What's the fucking point?'

Let's not forget to pull from the wreckage of last night's gory Vegas debate this underappreciated comedic contribution from Michele Bachmann: Her constant calls for the attention of Anderson Cooper, who was preoccupied with figuring out how to escape the building alive. "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson," all night long, with that folksy monotony you just can't find back East. So good on TPM for culling all of these cries into one clip! Although we should warn that you risk hearing "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson" in your dreams for about a week if you watch this.

We missed the Michele Bachmann/Donald Trump joint "tele-townhall" this evening, because it was a Michele Bachmann/Donald Trump joint "tele-townhall." But maybe we made the wrong decision, because it sounds like it was a trip.

Donald Trump only picks winners, according to Donald Trump. He is so busy picking winners that he has no time to hang out with losers. So... that's why he's joining destroyed presidential candidate Michele Bachmann for her campaign's "tele-townhall" today? A winning move, by all measures.

Demented occult practitioner Michele Bachmann dropped a zinger into tonight's Bloomberg/Washington Post Republican presidential debate, telling Herman Cain that if he were to turn his "9-9-9" plan upside down, "I think the Devil's in the details."

The Rick Perry bad lip-reading video that transfixed the world last week now has a companion piece in this audio-doctored Michele Bachmann campaign clip, in which the rapidly receding candidate reveals the appropriate gift for a prison party (milk, not backyard meth), the number of Jew persons at the Hispanic prom (one), and a possible side-effect of the HPV vaccine (retardation). Oh wait — she actually said that last one.

Here's a congresswoman who was, and maybe still is, running for president, named... let's see... it's not Buddy Roemer... maybe it's Buddy Roemer?... Bachmann. Michele Bachmann. Here's "Michele Bachmann" telling the country to not to "settle," on anything, ever. "Don't settle in your spiritual life. Don't settle in your personal life. Don't settle with your career goals." Sure, sounds good! No settling. (This presumably does not apply to Israeli settlers.)

Is it possible that Michele Bachmann's campaign has not been managing its money well? Word is she's in "dire" financial straits, and refuses to make fundraising calls. Everyone donate a couple grand to keep the funny going!

Where does Michele Bachmann stand on normalizing trade relations with Cuba? Well. It's not particularly high on her priority list, let's say! Not merely because they're dirty commies. But also, apparently, because Cuba is working with Hezbollah to potentially set up missile sites on the island. Perhaps you might even call it a... Cuban Missile Crisis? Or is this something of an exaggeration?

President of Pizza and Pokemon Herman Cain won today's straw poll of Florida GOP activists, receiving 37 percent of the votes cast. That's 22 more percentage points than second-place finisher Rick Perry received. For his prize, Cain got to ban a mosque.