Oh, so much happens today. A new 1990s begins on The CW. Another wonderful movie about smart alec animals lurches into fruition. TNT makes its big, crime-ridden power play. The Real World will soon date rape you. And the clouds of war gather and loom.

Davis Guggenheim won an Oscar for directing the enormously sexy Al Gore doomsday documentary An Inconvenient Truth. What high-profile project is next on his slate? The CW's upcoming Melrose Place reboot. How did this happen?

Oh hey, it looks like The CW is really, actually going to go ahead with this Melrose Place remake to accompany the 90210 we forgot we had once cared about. So who's going to star?

The CW, having had some marginal success with their insanely awful 90210 brand rape, have decided to plow on ahead and update the next 90's Fox show produced by Aaron Spelling. No, not Models, Inc., sadly. It's that show about a group of beautiful youngish people who all live around the same swimming pool, Melrose Place! Yes Amanda and Billy and the gay one and, um, the rest of 'em might become a new and updated series. They'll still blow up apartment buildings and try to kill each other, but now they'll do it by using the internet. [AP]

When we first heard about Heather Locklear's weekend arrest for driving under the influence of a controlled substance, we were most interested in the curious detail of the sunglasses she repeatedly ran over. Turns out, the entire case is full of curious details, and here's the biggest one: the witness who placed the call to 911 is a former Us Weekly staffer who's under investigation by the FBI for hacking into the magazine's computer system to locate celebrities. Oh, and she called the paparazzi immediately after her 911 call. Oh, and she also just happens to have a lucrative partnership with Locklear rival Denise Richards! Details and her kooky 911 call, after the jump:Jossip has the goods on the ex-Us staffer, Jill Ishkanian, who had left the magazine (which she then sued) to start a paparazzi agency called Sunset Photo & News (where she was embezzled from).

Perhaps bereft that her former lover David Spade has found fatherhood in the fulsome embrace of a Playboy Bunny, actress Heather Locklear was arrested Saturday afternoon in Santa Barbara on suspicion of DUI. Booked in a local jail and released hours later, the Melrose Place alum was also fingered for being under the influence of a controlled substance (Janet Charlton is claiming that the actress is in the grips of a 20-year Vicodin addiction). While we're certainly concerned about Locklear's health, we have to admit we're most curious about the dastardly pair of eyewear that apparently set the entire incident into motion:

And Special Guest Star Heather Locklear as Amanda: After Emmy producers found great success two years ago by reuniting the terrifyingly taut stars of Charlie's Angels onstage, E!'s Marc Malkin is reporting that another Spelling summit may be in the works. Producers are attempting to mount a Melrose Place reunion for this year's telecast, a stunt that raises all sorts of questions about who amongst the drama's sprawling cast would be asked to attend. Sure, Heather Locklear is a gimme, but what about the quickly exiled Vanessa A. Williams? Would Marcia Cross rather blow up the ceremony than share the stage with random late-season replacements like Linden Ashby and Jamie Luner? And, most pressingly, is the Zuniga free (our guess: yes)? Kudos, Emmy producers. We eagerly await next year's poignant reunion of the Small Wonder cast. [E!]

There are TV characters you hate to love, and then there are those whose love you hate. TV Guide writer Damien Holbrook tackles the latter in the magazine's upcoming feature, "Top 10 Most Annoying TV Couples," which details the most aggravating, chemistry-free romances ever foisted on television by a hubris-stricken showrunner. Did your least favorite couple make the list? Will Katherine Heigl make her beloved Joshua forward the article to the Grey's Anatomy writers? Results and analysis, after the jump:First, the runners-up: No. 10 – Rob & Amber, Survivor No. 9 – Sara & Grissom, CSI No. 8 – Ryan & Marissa, The O.C. No. 7 – Trista & Ryan, The Bachelorette No. 6 – Kate & Jack, Lost No. 5 – Billy & Alison, Melrose Place No. 4 – Clark & Lana, Smallville No. 3 – Boris & Natasha, The Bullwinkle Show (ed. note: ???) And the top two, excerpted from TV Guide:

[Photo Credit: X17]

· Seth Rogen is a vacuum of not caring about Paris Hilton.
· ABC News hands the world a hit list that could prevent the rise of the next ubiquitous celebutard menace.
· One is in jail, one's in rehab, but one is still at large, picking up all the nipple-flashing slack.
· God always takes the best TV scientists too young.
· We're still divided over whether Colton and Aboud's "Jane" or "Amanda" is the hotter Melrose recreation, but leaning toward the Bisset-inspired one.

Having lost many years and countless brain cells to the various Aaron Spelling-produced entertainments of our youth, we were thrilled to receive an invitation to last Friday night's DVD release party for the first seasons of 90210 and Melrose Place at the Beverly Hilton. Even though we were quite content to celebrate the occasion by huddling at home and staring at an autographed Tiger Beat cover of Jason Priestly we recently obtained at astronomical cost from eBay seller BrandonFan1991, we still dispatched Defamer staff photographer Amy Rodrigue to capture the laughs, tears, and emotional group hugs (Shannen Doherty didn't show up, so there were no third-degree bodily assaults to former castmates with utensils from the buffet) we were sure would accompany the many reunions fostered by such a momentous event. After the jump, our photos from the party, complete with just about every 90210/Melrose reference we could think of without consulting Steve Sanders and Amanda Woodward fan sites.