When we first heard about Heather Locklear's weekend arrest for driving under the influence of a controlled substance, we were most interested in the curious detail of the sunglasses she repeatedly ran over. Turns out, the entire case is full of curious details, and here's the biggest one: the witness who placed the call to 911 is a former Us Weekly staffer who's under investigation by the FBI for hacking into the magazine's computer system to locate celebrities. Oh, and she called the paparazzi immediately after her 911 call. Oh, and she also just happens to have a lucrative partnership with Locklear rival Denise Richards! Details and her kooky 911 call, after the jump:Jossip has the goods on the ex-Us staffer, Jill Ishkanian, who had left the magazine (which she then sued) to start a paparazzi agency called Sunset Photo & News (where she was embezzled from).

So how did the industry veteran just happen to be driving near the actress one night this week? Because, according to one conspiracy theory, Ishkanian was purposefully following her with an agenda in mind. You'll recall that back when Ishkanian (pictured) was running Sunset Photo, a certain lady named Denise Richards just happened to appear in a number of the agency's shots that were then sold to the tabloids. A on-looker might surmise that Sunset Photo and Richards has a special relationship going on, which benefited them both: Sunset got to profit from photo sales, and Richards got to dictate how she came across in the press (read: good). That was especially important, because the entertainment press was inexplicably obsessed with Richard's then-beau, Richie Sambora, who is Locklear's ex-husband and father to her daughter — and plenty of outlets were interested in painting Richards as the villain in the feud between she and Locklear. [Ed: This story was soooo boring, we didn't even pay attention a the time.] All this might have led some, like TMZ, to conclude Ishkanian (a Richards ally) tailed Locklear, phoned in a false report of erratic driving to get her arrested, which meant she would have the first pictures of the incident, and another favor paid to Richards, who's still keen on seeing Locklear fall. We asked Ishkanian to comment on the matter, and she told us "I'm not getting into a pissing match with [TMZ head] Harvey Levin who has all his facts wrong" and instructed us to check with the police investigating the matter, or her attorney. "I'm willing to go through yet another controversy if it means that I saved the life of Heather Locklear, or some other person down the road that may have been affected by her condition behind the wheel. A condition that was not determined by myself, but by 3 CHP officers. The toxicology reports should be very telling indeed."

It appears that the long-awaited Melrose Place revival is now playing out in real life! Was Locklear drugged by Richards? Will Ishkanian rip off her wig and plot to blow up Malibu Colony? Will Lisa Rinna join the saga just as it starts to feel played out? Developing!