Farrah finally agrees to marry Ryan before she dies, FHM names Megan Fox the hottest woman in the universe, Paris Hilton finds a new animal to ride, Jake and Reese dress up alike and a Fox News divorce.
Megan Fox cites confusion in explaining away the infamous flower incident, Ryan Seacrest is developing a Lindsay Lohan reality show, Kate Moss is an absolute pain in the arse girlfriend, and Katie Lee Joel's new man is shagging fashion editors.
The week she's starring in a blockbuster film release, nude photos of Megan Fox magically appear on the internet, Artie Lange is banned from the Tonight Show, Lindsay Lohan goes berserk in a club, and Paris dishes on boning Ronaldo.
• The father of Mercy James, the girl being adopted by Madonna, says he has no plans to object to the adoption, and a nanny and nurse have already touched down in Malawi to take care of her. So it looks like the little girl will be climbing aboard Madonna's jet to head to NYC any day now. [Reuters, DM, Sun]
• David Carradine's funeral took place in LA on Saturday and more than 400 mourners turned up for the occasion, including Lucy Liu, Michael Madsen, Jane Seymour, Tom Selleck, Daryl Hannah, Lucy Liu, Edward James Olmos, and Rob Schneider. [Us, AP, People]
• Jeff Goldblum, who is 56, and his new girlfriend, 21-year-old Lost actress Tania Raymonde, "can't keep their hands to themselves," which may explain why they've been seen "making out all over town." [AMNY]
Chris Brown and Rihanna attend Game 4 of the NBA Finals, Paris Hilton has a raunchy rebound hookup with soccer star Ronaldo, Paul Shaffer almost played George Costanza on Seinfeld, Megan Fox has genetically-deformed thumbs and Madonna adopts another African.
LA police, responding to an alarm at Lindsay Lohan's home, thought the house had been "ransacked," when in fact it was merely the dwelling of a slob. George Clooney parties like an fratty ibanker.
• George Clooney went out to celebrate his 48th birthday last week, had too much to drink, and ended up hurling in the VIP area. Clooney denies it was him, though, and says he was just "sitting next to someone who did throw up." [NYDN]
• Cops were called to Lindsay Lohan's house yesterday after a security alarm sounded and officers initially thought the house had been ransacked. It turns out Lindsay always keeps her house that way, which means in addition to everything else, she probably could use a good housekeeper, too. [TMZ]
• Marie Douglas-David has been embroiled in a nasty divorce with her elderly husband George David. Now she has a new man. She's dating a Swedish financier named Johan Saxon, and he's only seven years older than her. [P6]
• Lydia Hearst is going topless—again—in a new movie with Jason Behr. [P6]
• Andre Balazs and Sharon Stone were seen cuddling on a couch "all night" at the Oscar party at Guy Oseary's home on Sunday, and looked like they "couldn't have been more into each other." We're beginning to sense a pattern here, how about you? [NYDN]
• Newlyweds Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo are expecting a baby. [P6]
• Jeremy Piven will make his case in front of an Actors' Equity panel tomorrow and offer proof it was mercury poisoning that forced him to drop out of Speed-the-Plow. Good luck with that. [NYP]
• Warren Beatty supposedly wants Lindsay Lohan to star in his new movie, but only if she moves in with him and Annette Bening during filming. [Fox411]
• Chris Brown has started taking anger management classes. He's also had to hire bodyguards because he says he now fears for his safety. [NYDN, InTouch]
♦ Paris Hilton has broken up with Benji Madden after nine months of dating, reportedly so she can return to the party circuit and possibly reunite with her ex, Stavros Niarchos. The second part of Paris' plan might be tougher than she thought, though, since Stavros may have his eye on Annabelle Dexter-Jones. [Star, People, P6]
♦ Anna Wintour's reps say she has no intention of leaving Vogue. And she has no plans to accept a "cultural post" in Barack Obama's White House either, just so you know. [MSNBC]
♦ Have Madonna and Guy Ritchie finally reached a divorce settlement? The couple has supposedly sealed a deal that will let Madge keep her cash and allow Rocco and David to spend half their time living with Guy in England. [ThisIsLondon]
♦ Winona Ryder's British Airways flight had to make a special landing in London yesterday after she fell ill, allegedly because she "accidentally overdosed" on Xanax. [The Sun, NYDN]
Click to viewBoomp3.com At the 12th annual Hollywood Film Festival awards, popular culture impresario Diablo Cody decided to celebrate Halloween a few days earlier, doing her best zombie walk down the red carpet. Cody described herself as a fresh zombie, just a couple of hours old, but also felt she could go another way with her outfit. Cody said, “It’s a tad Stepfordy too. Like if Pris from Blade Runner was somebody’s wife.” [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
· We were just thinking last night how the market is clamoring for more dramas about the folly of marriage. Luckily, Liev Schreiber and Helen Hunt were available for the latest one, Every Day, shooting this month in New York. Should be a hoot. [Variety] · Last Samurai and Blood Diamond helmer Edward Zwick will visit ShowEast to receive the Kodak Award for Excellence in Coming Up Short in Awards Season Every Two or Three Years. Truly, he is a master. [Variety] After the jump: George Romero revives the dead, AMC goes to Mars and Megan Fox gets her impact gauged. Hot!· Bryan Singer should love this: A new study indicates that the most expensive films to produce are generally the most profitable in the long run. [THR] · Flexing its intergalactic genre muscle once more, AMC is in talks to develop the sci-fi novel Red Mars as a series. [THR] · Who are among those young stars receiving career report cards in Variety 2008 Youth Impact Report? Try Blake Lively, The Jonas Brothers, Megan Fox and — wait for it — Thor Bradwell. Indeed, if repping High School Musical talent doesn't work out, that is a name made for porn. [Variety] · George A. Romero is quietly shooting a new zombie film about an isolated island where dead relatives return to eat their kin. Working title: Lucasfilm. [Variety]
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to everything new, thrilling and thoroughly unnecessary at the movies. And we've got plenty of each to go around today as seven films are opening or expanding on 1,000 or more screens, a pair of Oscar-chasing indies open small and a legion of talking dogs threaten to overtake the box office. You can't say we didn't warn you. So read on for our picks, poxes and DVD alternatives for those of you too overwhelmed to face the multiplex. We feel your pain. As always, our opinions are our own, but with unfailing taste and accuracy like this, why argue?WHAT'S NEW: This is the week we've been waiting for since May, when Disney ignored our urgent plea to immediately release Beverly Hills Chihuahua from its high-camp captivity. And now that it's here, we're kind of over it; blame it on last month's chihuahua-only sneak preview. Not like the sadists at Disney need us: BHC is this week's only new family release and will do business accordingly, setting up for around $32.3 million over the three-day. The Michael Cera/Kat Dennings effort Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist will ride teens and the date crowd to about $17 million, which still won't be enough to overtake Eagle Eye for second place. Nothing else will break $10 million; Greg Kinnear's windshield-wiper biopic (!) Flash of Genius is on too few screens, Julianne Moore's dodgy drama Blindness will fall victim to the angry blind lobby, and Ed Harris's expanding Western Appaloosa couldn't find traction when it was on 1,000 screens, let alone 2,000. Most of the remaining release slate looks like a gang of orphans hassling tourists for change: Jia Zhangke's acclaimed Still Life; the timely, revealing political doc Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story, Rutger Hauer's psychological love-triangle drama Mentor; Obscene, the story of Grove Press publisher Barney Rosset; the Muslim stand-up concert film Allah Made Me Funny, and the Iraq-vet basket case drama The Violent Kind. THE BIG LOSER: MGM's hard-luck streak looks likely to continue with How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, the adaptation of Toby Young's thinly-veiled bestseller about his misadventures in the Conde Nast empire. It won't fail for lack of trying — at least not with a cast including Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and Jeff Bridges rocking his best Graydon Carter impression — and a month ago, in less-congested times, this may have even had some multiplex leverage. But in this glut, with the reviews it's receiving and audience awareness less than half of what it needs to be, expect a $3 million opening and quick dispatch to DVD. Where, in fairness, the Fox connection will more than make up for it stillbirth at the box office.
It's hard to believe that Michael Bay has been shooting Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen for almost four months now, but rest assured it wasn't painstaking months of character research that has slowed production to its current pace. After all, as we discovered over the summer via the film's banished extra "Man Eating Hamburger" (aka Reginald Brown), Bay has little to no knowledge of his subject and even less interest in lessons from an extra. But that doesn't mean Brown has given up trying to "learn Michael some Transformers"; in fact, reports on producer Don Murphy's illustriously deranged message board suggest that the film's climactic desert showdown may not involve Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox or giant robots at all, but rather a stunning Brown vs. Bay main event that will make Uwe Boll seethe with jealousy:
· After being ritually abused by cloddish comedians for nearly two hours at the largely laugh-free roast for Bob Saget (save for Norm MacDonald's tremendous bit) a few weeks back, it was good to see Cloris Leachman getting the last laugh on Dancing With The Stars last night. It goes without saying that we were tremendously shocked to discover the Grand Canyon-esque 82 year-old cleavage that she's been hiding all these years. We were not surprised, however, to learn that her classiness and elegance on the dance floor greatly outweighs that of her much younger competitor, Miss Kim Krash-dashian. [DWTS] · American Psycho ... the musical? We can't wait to see what they do with the showstopping "Hip To Be Square" dance number. [ONTD] · We'll take any and every opportunity we get to reset the "I Can Do 200 Of These" guy. [BWE] · Even Megan Fox's mom is pretty sure that story of hers about her alleged affair with a stripper at The Body Shop is total bullshit ("Is it all true? I don’t know. It’s possible she made it up just like it’s possible that it happened."). [Palm Beach Post] · This ancient commercial for a 1-900 number that you would dial to hear other people can't possibly be real, can it? It can only be described as a Jack Handy "Fuzzy Memories" SNL skit meets Chuck Palahniuk. [Videogum]
Back story: I'm lurking around one of the low-rent haunts of the highbrow magazine elite Wednesday and come upon a friend of mine, Jess, who introduces me to Donavan Hohn, a brilliant writer whose recent piece on a Hong Kong toy fair had inspired me to write a handjobby post about how much I love 'Harper's.' Anyway, like pretty much all journalists under 40 who bother with the whole "crafting exquisite paragraphs" thing anymore, Hohn has cash flow issues. So Jess suggests — naively, I'm assuming — he get into the celebrity profile racket. Her friend Mark Kirby does it! He just wrote a profile of Megan Fox for 'GQ' that was really actually a rewarding effort! And I'm thinking, "Oh Jess, guys like Donovan Hohn are just not wired to hustle celebrity profile assignments. Not least because guys like Donovan Hohn probably didn't know who Megan Fox even was when he saw her at a comic book convention at which he was busy jotting down the philosophies of some enchanting small-time hucksterpreneur, and plus, everyone knows celebrity profiles are the lowest form of hackery." Well shit, was I so totally wrong. Jess had just tipped me off to the best celebrity profile in years. Seriously, you know how the celebrity profile is totally dead? This profile could do for the genre what…Megan Fox does for impotence or something!
