In your wheezing Monday media column: Matt Drudge lives, the WaPo union gets cheeky, Robert Lipsyte snipes, CBS cans its Early Show producer, Phillippe Dauman is overpaid, and Ann Curry is happy.

CNN is really going for it with this whole "Osama took little kids' balls" thing. As it turns out, thanks to an investigation, we now know that the people who lived in the terrorist mastermind's compound not only kept neighborhood kids' soccer balls, but they kept cricket balls that came over the walls, too. And, by speaking with a 12-year-old neighbor, CNN learned that a "fat guy with a goatee and moustache" lived there. Does this mean Osama bin Laden liked to play cricket? Perhaps he was behind the match fixing scandal that rocked the cricket world last year? Hopefully CNN will get to the bottom of this. We need to know.

In your hijacked Friday media column: Tina Brown has breasts and used to do it, sexually speaking, to Martin Amis; the Washington Post Co. falls from the profit curve; Robin Roberts may or may not be too tall for morning television, and Howard Kurtz once again acquits himself with the dignity and effortless charisma we've come to expect from him.

Yarn and stitching artist Inge Jacobsen has painstakingly rendered two covers of Vogue using just yarn. Impressive! She better hope Vogue editrix Anna Wintour doesn't file suit for copyright infringement: After all, she couldn't like them too much given they're so arts and craftsy! But if I saw one of these on the side of a tote bag on Etsy, I'd so buy it. Click on the image above to expand. [via Today and Tomorrow]

The Wall Street Journal is trying to make a play for whistleblowers with its very own Wikileaks clone, SafeHouse. But SafeHouse is the opposite of safe, thanks to basic security flaws and fine print that lets the Journal rat on leakers.

In your pokey Thursday media column: the latest Katie Couric rumors, The Daily's quite unprofitable, MTV's CEO resigns, more Bill Keller columnizing, and some WaPo departures.

When MSNBC rolled out its new slogan "Lean Forward" last year, it was a transparent attempt to beat Fox News at its own game. (That game, for the record: news as partisan propaganda.) This is the only idea that MSNBC has. You can be sure of it, because Jeff Zucker denies it.

The Associated Press has huffily declined to cover tonight's Fox News Channel GOP "debate" in South Carolina on the grounds that Fox won't let it take photographs during the debate—only before and after. But it does cover presidential addresses under precisely the same conditions.

In your brash Wednesday media column: Chris Matthews' wacky idea of "influential journalists," Alex Kuczynski strips, AOL's momentary earnings lapse, Adam Moss's reading list, crazy UK libel laws, and Newsweek's subtle Bin Laden cover.

Here's a trailer for Page One, a documentary by Andrew Rossi, who spent a year following the New York Times media desk and, in a bigger sense, chronicling the struggles of a newspaper in an internet age.

On April 17th, gay blog Queerty abruptly announced it was closing, effective immediately. Well, it's back—with a new design, a new owner, and all the old gayness.

In your moody Tuesday media column: Bin Laden saves the White House press corps, HuffPo people moves, Andrew Sullivan's traffic, a missing Al-Jazeera reporter, and Michael Wolff speaks (some more).

Elusive Hollywood rage-blogger Nikki Finke has a well-earned reputation for skirting the bounds of rationality and surrendering to fits of apoplexy. It's part of her charm! But a couple recent episodes, including a pompous, unhinged email to a flack for the Motion Picture Association of America that she cc'd to half of Hollywood over the weekend, suggest that things may be trending south for her.

Oh, blah. CBS News has announced that scold-face white man Scott Pelley will be Katie Couric's replacement on the CBS Evening News. No surprise whatsoever. I guess CBS went with the surprise candidate last time, and that didn't turn out too well. Still, it's a shame that Watson the Jeopardy Robot won't get his chance.

Time magazine may have grown increasingly neutered with their choices for Person of the Year, but when it comes to their Dead Mass-Murderer of the Week covers, forget about it — they're balls to the wall. The issue, on stands this Thursday, gives Osama bin Laden their trademark "Red X" treatment — previously used on Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Saddam Hussein, and, most famously, Adolf Hitler. Collect them all!

Have you, too, heard the sound of Rush Limbaugh patting himself on his gross back all afternoon? Because he sure pulled a quick one on the liberal media today! He opened his radio show by heaping praise on the president, even saying "Thank God for President Obama." Hey now... really?

In the wake of any gigantic news story, like the death of Osama bin Laden, there are a million other little news stories that don't get nearly enough attention, starve to death, and then wash up on shore with all the other forgotten driftwood. Here are some that got screwed today.

In your ardent Monday media column: accountability comes to punditry, PR replaces journalism, the NYT's front page quick change artistry, longer newscasts tonight, and everybody loves People.com.

The New York Times' stubborn use of honorifics—calling everyone by formal titles on second reference—is dumb. It's a goofy relic, and should be done away with. Done away with all at once. Not by withholding honorifics for people the editor doesn't like.

In your fine Friday media column: the White House press office bitches about petty things, Bloomberg View and Grantland reveal their rosters, the WSJ gets a new money editor, and the media's Royal Wedding conundrum is unsolvable.