Is Dan Rather going to make it? No, we're not talking about CBS anchor Dan Rather's physical health; we're talking about the sickening state of his career as a result of the CBS ratings hit he's taking. After Rather presented questionable documents regarding Dubya's National Guard service on the evening news, viewership abruptly dropped:
Editor Adam Moss is so busy reconstructing the very fiber of New York magazine, we can barely catch our breath long enough to utter, "What the fuck?" We hear that New York's articles editor Joanna Coles is leaving the pub for the confines of a top position at More magazine, where she will work on perfecting dowdy middle-aged women the best way she knows how.
Let us be among the first to congratulate celebutante-doggystyler-author-fashionista-layabout Paris Hilton in parlaying all of her multihyphenate buzz into one of the most coveted fake awards in the magazine industry, as she was named US Weekly's Young Hollywood Star of the Year in the issue that has just crash-landed in a supermarket rack near you. Brava, Miss Paris! What exactly do you do again? Oh, that's right—the doggystyling thing. There are so many hyphens we forget by the end.
Domestic bad-girl Martha Stewart has just delivered a press conference in which she announced that she is "ready" to serve her 5-month prison sentence. She mentioned her love for her chickens and seven cats (seven? Not that we're surprised, but ick), all of whom she will dearly miss. She also expressed her desire to serve at Danbury prison, since it's near her Connecticut home and her "90 year-old mother." Oh, we're tearing up.
We're a little late in reporting this, but Vanity Fair honcho and spanking-new author Graydon Carter was put on the spot by none other than the feckless housewife of news, Deborah Norville. Why didn't we update you sooner? Because it was on MSNBC, silly, and we don't even watch television anyhow. Thankfully, a reader subjected themselves to the talking box and writes with an account:
Oh, the horror of losing your expensive drugs. Late this afternoon in the hallowed halls of the Observer, an certain employee (who's never in the office, including today) suffered the misfortune of having his little bag o' joy "exploding" within his desk. Apparently he keeps his workplace stash large enough to be released into the air upon explosion, thus leaving nearby staffers inhaling and coughing on the airborne drug.
Last night's gossip panel at the 92nd Street Y starring Richard Johnson of Page Six, Joyce Wadler of the NY Times, and Joanna Molloy and Lloyd Grove of the NY Daily News, teetered on the edge of entertaining — and it would have been great if the moderator, Ken Frydman, had ever SHUT THE HELL UP. He asked all the right questions, but then never let the gossip mongers talk. For example, he totally went where it counted: "The war of words have increased between the Daily News and the Post. The three of you" — excluding Joyce — "are the main combatants in what appears to be a tabloid war. Is it personal, or is it business? Do you like each other?"
· Can someone please just put a gimp mask on Donald Trump and lock him away in a rusty cage? The media mogul is now marketing Trump World, a glossy magazine devoted to "the best of the best." Predictably, the cast of "The Apprentice" is featured on the first cover. [Village Voice]
· Lads author Dave Itzkoff says, "Maxim used to be Larry David, now it's Larry Flynt." Hmm. We think it was always Larry Flynt. [NYT]
· The Newsday circulation scandal, which has to be the most boring media debacle ever, continues. A report alleges that the paper sent fake hawkers and buyers into the street to up their sales numbers. [NYP]
· Times publisher and company chairman Arthur O. Sulzberger Jr. emerges from behind the curtain to say that earnest journos are facing increased public skepticism. Is this guy living in a bubble? [LJ World]
We fought back tears when we heard that New York magazine's "Intelligencer" writer Deborah Schoeneman would be taking her skills to a new architecture and real estate column — why is editor Adam Moss trying to make things so evil and cultured?! But wait, it gets worse: in an effort to deprive us of any and all timeworthy trash, the publication will be unveiling its redesign, including new sections entitled "The Culture Pages" and a reimagined "Strategist."
Don't bother with your morning latte just yet; if you're anything like us, you'll just end up spitting it all over your screen when you read this morning's Page Six. Another case of mistaken identity for the Post's gossip queens, another dead man pronounced alive, another trite apology — and this time, it gets the "We Hear" treatment. Remember, always blame your leggers and not your editors or fact-checkers:
We hear that Fannypack DJ Matt Goias got into "a major fist fight" with Index publishing advisor Michael Bullock outside the Tribeca Grand at the respectable hour of 2 AM last night. While we didn't think hipsters normally attacked one another with such ferocity, Goias apparently couldn't stand to be snickered at by Bullock and a friend — so he started throwing punches, natch. In order to block Goias' blows, Bullock claimed Goias owed Index money and, predictably, the fight escalated to the point of security intervention. The aftermath? Bullock says Goias will "never work in this town again" and Goias sends Bullock a dozen roses. Flowers may be nice, but we all know that the wrath of Index means that Fannypack may never get that huge interview we're sure they've been praying for.
Our heads are filled with all sorts of revolting nightmare scenarios (we're disturbed on so many levels, but you knew that), but none are quite as twisted as the idea of AdAge farmhand Greg Lindsay forcing himself upon Gotham and Hamptons magazine publisher Jason Binn. Or is it Binn forcing himself upon Lindsay? Either way, the very thought has us clawing at our throats — so you can imagine the terror of finding out such an apocalyptic meeting did indeed happen and we can read about it. Shield your children's eyes, this one is like media disaster porn.
A Day With Luxury Magazine Magnate Jason Binn [AdAge]
We looked up Nashville on Google today and discovered that it's a city in Tennessee — this knowledge made it easier, of course, to stomach the pseudo-memo printed in the Nashville Scene to New York Times style writer Warren St. John. Apparently Warren and the Scene came to blows over the proverbial race card, which was used in the almighty photo caption ("Warren St. John uses race in the worst kind of way: to make himself look honorable.") for a book review of Warren's Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer. Nothing like little a dose of bitchy southern comfort:
· The New York Times refuses to allow Michael Moore rights to reprint an article in which the paper acknowledges its own shortcomings in reporting on the events leading to the war in Iraq. Surely now Michael Moore's book will be painfully empty. [NYT]
· The new novel Dishalicious has been distributed to 10 NYC publishers and word is that there's nothing thin about the veiled account of life in Bonnie Fuller's house. Best tidbit? In the book, American Media's David Pecker is named Harvey Dick, which totally appeals to our third-grade sense of humor. [NYP]
· Magazine group Gruner + Jahr (home of our personal favorite, Family Circle) hands out 80 pink slips to complete its $25 million cost-cutting efforts. The offices of YM will never be quite so perky again. [NYP]
· The National Enquirer, Star, and Globe settle a congressman Gary Condit's lawsuit for linking him to the murder of Chandra Levy. No one's talking dollars, but you know that these government types don't go away cheap. [Reuters]
New York magazine's resident sex columnist Amy Sohn has found a lovely alternative to selling herself: selling Anne Klein for Bloomingdale's! The full-page ad also reveals what *might* be a hint of thigh and boasts the unintentionally hilarious caption, "Portrait Of A Lady." In case you're wondering, Amy says, "It's nice to wear clothing that leaves something to the imagination. It makes a woman feel sexier." Yeah, Amy Sohn in Anne Klein is sexy in the same way my grandmother's knitting needles are sexy.
Amy Sohn [NY Mag]
The San Francisco Gate takes a frighteningly in-depth look at New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd. What do we learn about? Basically her whole life history, her aversion to therapy, and — just in time for Fashion Week — her take on personal style:
· Toby Young, former Vanity Fair slave, gets to turn the tables by reviewing Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter's book. The verdict: "lifeless, bureaucratic, impersonal." [NYO]
· Mediabistro's summer intern tells, sort of, all: "Turns out that internships haven't ignited too many great careers." [MB]
· New York mag columnist Amy Sohn on accidentally dating her readers: "They imagined that I was jaded and easy. I was easy..." [Gothamist]
· Maxim's UK editor, American transplant Greg Gutfeld, gets a three-month job review: it's Mad Magazine with hooters. [Independent]
Our batty sister in D.C. points us to a choice bit of dialogue between CNN's Anderson Cooper and voter registration thug P. Diddy that leaves us feeling a bit, um, frustrated. Come on, it's 2004, let's stop beating around the bush:
Simon Dumenco explores the Hollywood optioning system, in which studios buy the rights to magazine articles and ideas they could simply develop on their own. Huh, brilliant. A prime example is the upcoming MTV reality series Power Girls, which follows alpha-flack Lizzie Grubman on her white-trash hating escapades. The series is based on a publicist profile by New York magazine writer Vanessa Grigoriadis, who cashed in on movie rights for the piece, long before it was developed into a television series:
