Fox News gives subliterate people Atlas Shrugged on tape and puts them on camera. Here is a clip reel of Fox anchors repeatedly mispronouncing every proper noun they attempt to read off the teleprompter.

Nerve.com, the lovesexdating site for the type of people who follow the Hipster Grifter saga closely, has hit upon a clever plan to propel itself onward and upward through the recession: fewer nekkid pictures!

Cuban dictator Fidel Castro gave ABC News White House correspondent Jake "The Octogon" Tapper a shout-out in his unreadable column in some state-controlled newspaper.

Peter Kaplan, the longtime editor of the New York Observer, is resigning from the paper on June 1. To spend more time with his family, he says.

As the recession takes a toll on print media, magazines have been busy looking for new ways to drum up cash and stay in the spotlight. Sadly, they don't have much to show for their efforts. The once unmalleable line between art and advertising has been getting blurrier by the day, leading purists to point their fingers at publications like ESPN and Us Weekly for gussying up their front pages with ads meant to look like actual articles. Esquire's silly "blinking" issue last year, which featured a computer chip embedded in the cover, earned the title some press, but it didn't exactly boost circulation. But with print publications starved for cash to the point of emaciation, are there any gimmicks that will lure readers to newsstands?

In your hacked Wednesday media column: Rachel Maddow's less fascinating, 4Chan's smarter than Time, online news fails, and newspaper layoffs reported not in newspapers:

Peter Kaplan, the Observer's long-running editor-in-chief, is stepping down effective June 1. "I wanted to take care of my family," he said, adding that "his next dream job is to get on the frontlines to figure how to save journalism." [DHD, Gawker, NYO]

Layoffs, reported to be 20% of the staff, are happening now in the Chicago Tribune newsroom.

• The New York Times Co.'s bank balance is running a bit low, but that hasn't detered the company from handing out lavish pay packages. The company's CEO, Janet Robinson, received a total compensation package valued at $5.58 million in 2008, up from $4.14 million in 2007. [NYP, HP]
• Is Rachel Maddow losing her glow? March was the lowest-rated month so far for Maddow's MSNBC show since its debut last fall. [LAT]
• The Chicago Tribune plans to cut another 20 percent of its newsroom staff as it looks to reduce expenses amid continuing declines in advertising. [CB]
• Yahoo posted a 78 percent decline in quarterly profits and said it would eliminate about 675 more jobs, or 5% of its work force. [WSJ]
• Tonight is Len Berman's last night at WNBC. [NYDN]

New York Observer owner and boy wonder Jared Kushner just bought a ("sexy") new $3.2 million apartment. In other news, we hear he'd like out of that paper. If only.

Class rage at the New York Times! While the paper is on a ride straight to no-money hell, the execs are still getting paid big bucks. The NYT's not living up to its editorial page!

A world famous evolutionary biologist writing for America's most prestigious magazine can get away with calling New Guinea tribe members murderers and rapist. But do not accuse them of stealing pigs. Now it's on:

Somali teen pirate sensation Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse (today's spelling!) went to court yesterday, and guess what, he cried. Will this give the NY Post the chance to use the term "Priva-Tears?" Let's find out!

St. Louis-area newspaper the Suburban Journals laid off 37 year-old reporter Todd Smith last week due to budget cuts. Despite the fact that Smith had taken a bullet in the line of journalism.

Money changes everything. Rafat Ali, the founder of PaidContent, ought to be relaxing on the beach after selling his blog business to the Guardian last year. Instead, he's working harder than ever. And getting divorced.

This month's Washingtonian features a four-month old paparazzi photograph of our president in a bathing suit. This is apparently an occasion for outrage, or concern, or an excuse to run a picture of Obama shirtless.

Surface magazine popped up on our inaugural chart of print media's worst late payment offenders. Is that because the magazine is dead? [UPDATED below]

In your overblownTuesday media column: Time is a biter, Michael Wolff is an exaggerator, Portfolio is a fantasist, Newsweek is stank, and Esquire is an [expletive deleted]:

• The New York Times Company reported a first-quarter loss of $74.5 million today, as advertising revenue plunged by more than 28 percent. [NYT]
• Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia's Wenda Harris Millard is stepping down as the company's co-CEO and president. [Crain's]
• One magazine that hasn't been crippled by the recession: Hearst's Food Network Magazine, which is now ramping up circulation. [AdAge]
• What's former Condé Nast star James Truman up to these days? Among other things, he's working on the in-room magazine for Ritz-Carlton. [Portfolio]
• Washingtonian magazine has a shirtless pic of Obama on the cover. [WM]

Days after Matt Drudge popped up to tell New York magazine about how he doesn't enjoy having sex with men, The New Republic looks into his descent into Howard Hughes-like isolation.