The victims of the Great Magazine Die-Off. Five more have been added to the Wall of the Dead since we did this last month.

• More on the decision by Condé Nast to shut down Portfolio. [NYO, Gawker]
• Newspaper circulation figures for the past six months show steep declines at most major papers, including the Times, Post, and Daily News. One bright spot: the Wall Street Journal, which experienced a tiny, 0.6% gain. [E&P]
• Phil Falcone's Harbinger, the hedge fund that battled for a piece of the New York Times Co. last year, may now be looking to unload its stake. [WSJ]
• CNN has fallen behind MSNBC and Fox News, as you may have heard. [NYT]
• PRWeek is going monthly. But it'll still be called PRWeek, so you know. [NYT]
• Obsessed starring Beyonce was No. 1 at the box office this weekend. [THR]

You can always tell how kinky a Republican is by how vociferously they condemn whatever they secretly love, which maybe is why Andrea Peyser is writing about violent teen sex now.

Did you know that Michael Wolff's unknown, third-rate website is "the fastest growing news site in the country"? Did you know it's putting the New York Times out of business? We sure didn't, and while we have our doubts about the continued survival of the Times, too, we're pretty sure the last thing Arthur Sulzberger Jr. worries about before he goes to sleep at night is the fifth failed media company that Michael Wolff has started over the past two decades. But it is nice to hear him talk about his company's unique ability to take an "incredibly long, incredibly gassy" Times story that's 1,200 words and reduce it to 65-120 words without losing "a thing." Perhaps next Wolff could kindly take his gassy 3,300-word columns for Vanity Fair and reduce them, too? Considering that amid all the gassiness, Wolff rarely has a point to make, a five or ten-word sentence should suffice. A clip from Wolff's appearance on CNBC on Friday night after the jump.

Quickly, don your paper masks! Stay indoors! The dirty Mexican pig influenza is here, to sicken you! Wocka wocka. Did you know that America had another swine flu panic, in 1976? Let's reminisce, and laugh:

Conde Nast, Manhattan's most lavish magazine publisher, was once able to subsidize expensive and monumental magazine launches with newspaper profits. But now the last of its kind, Portfolio, is dead.

Update: The rumors are true, confirms staff blogger Jeff Bercovici. We (and others) hear a rumor that Conde Nast is folding long-suffering $100 million business magazine and object of our fascination, Portfolio.

WWD confirms the news that Condé Nast is folding Portfolio. The magazine's May issue will be its last. [WWD]

Just last week, Hachette cut pay across the board and increased work hours. Today employees got the memo below, telling them that "certain functions" in IT and finance are going to be outsourced by the end of the year. We also got a tip that Hachette is notifying freelancers that it's cutting their rates—by 3% in one case, although it may vary.

FYI, newsmedia, we are only that many days into Barack Obama's president. And fyi again: the "first 100 days" is a meaningless marker.

In your inhumane Friday media column: Layoffs at NPR, another freakin' Dubya('s dad) book, newspapers burn as usual, New York mag has ad trouble, and Sean Hannity's waterboarding money appears!

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. says he has no plans to take the New York Times Co. private, despite "brutal conditions" that threaten his paper's survival. [NYT]
• Meanwhile, Moody's has downgraded the NYT Co.'s credit rating. [E&P]
• A few theories on why Peter Kaplan departed Jared Kushner's Observer, and what's in store for Kaplan—and the paper—in the future. [WWD]
• Former Facebook exec Owen Van Natta is the new CEO of MySpace. [WSJ]
• Is GE looking to sell NBC Universal to Time Warner? It's possible! [TDB]
• Ambushing the ambusher: Staking out the home of Jesse Watters, the Fox News producer who stalks liberals for Bill O'Reilly. [Gawker]

Longtime New York Observer editor Peter Kaplan is leaving the paper to, okay, "spend more time with the family," but why did he really quit? Perhaps...he'd had enough of rich young NYO owner Jared Kushner?

The father of nine-year-old Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali will not be charged with any crime for allegedly trying to sell her to undercover reporters for $300,000. Indian police couldn't track down the reporters.

CNN curmudgeon Tony Harris has been a hold-out when it comes to his network's desperate insistence that you keep going to its various blogs while you are watching television. Today he cracked. He hates blogs.

In your smooth Thursday media column: Pinch eschews privatization, BET targets the olds, newspapers are tragic and sad, and let's help waterboard Sean Hannity!

This memo from Michael Golden went out to New York Times Co. employees this morning, telling them the company's foundation is suspending its grant-giving, and its gift-matching program. Unfortunate, but probably necessary.

• Chris DeWolfe is out as the CEO of News Corp.-owned MySpace. [CNN]
• More on Peter Kaplan's split from Jared Kushner's Observer, and the rumor Kaplan is now heading to Condé Nast Traveler. [NYT, WWD, DHD]
• ABC has renewed 12 series, including Dancing with the Stars, The Bachelor, Grey's Anatomy, and Desperate Housewives. [THR]
• Viacom, the parent company BET, is planning to start up a new cable TV channel for middle-aged African-Americans. [NYT]
• Barry Diller is looking to shed his email newsletter Very Short List. Bob Pittman and Jared Kushner have taken a look; co-founders Kurt Andersen and Michael Jackson are considering a management buyout. [NYP]
• The New York Times Co. foundation is suspending its grants and no longer matching employees' charitable donations. [Gawker]

Roger Friedman got laid off by FoxNews.com this month for watching a pirated movie. He's already back in the game. You can't keep him down, in any sense of the word! Let's check in: