Our two favorite Hollywood attention-seekers—perpetually naked heiress Peaches Geldof and rant-prone torture porn provocateur Eli Roth—went out for dinner last night in London, and Eli posed pointing to Peaches' ring-finger diamond. Don't worry, she's "100% not engaged."

Rest easy, nation. Though same-sex couples were recently allowed to compete in the Today Show's popular Modern Wedding contest, none of them advanced to the final four. Phew. Now we don't have to have that awkward conversation with our kids.

Gay marriage will be prohibited in California while the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals considers the legal challenge to the state's gay-marriage ban. But don't throw away your invites: They've expedited the process so that oral arguments begin December 6.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married on Saturday under a veil of secrecy in Rhinebeck, NY. Not secret enough, though: An insider provided us these exclusive photos of Astor Court—the palatial mansion serving as the venue—plus some inside information.

Actors Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, who are impossibly talented and good-looking and rich and Spanish, were married earlier this month, at a friend's house in the Bahamas, of course. Maybe that's where Colton Harris-Moore was headed? [AP]

Federal district court judge Joseph Tauro struck down the Defense of Marriage Act on Thursday as unconstitutional. The Justice Department might appeal, but till then you can gay marry all you want and the feds can't touch you. [Boston Globe]

The wait is over: Hawaii's governor yesterday vetoed a bill that would have allowed same-sex civil unions, after much speculation.

A couple's chances of divorce are increased by 75% if a close friend or colleague of one partner gets a divorce, according to researchers. Does this mean that Al Gore, Tiger Woods, and Kelsey Grammar are bros? [Daily Mail]

Chelsea Clinton's wedding this summer won't have much to do with Chelsea Clinton—it'll just be a Democratic fundraiser for major donors. We'd say "poor Chelsea," but she's probably known her wedding would be like this since elementary school.

Finally, someone takes the bait on Al and Tipper Gore's divorce by starting an adultery rumor: Star says Inconvenient Truth producer Laurie David—also the cheating ex-wife of Seinfeld creator Larry David—"went from friends to lovers" with Al.

An 18-year-old Balinese man, Ngurah Alit, was caught in a rice paddy sexing up a cow doggie style after it had flirted with him. To cleanse his village he was forced into marrying the cow—but he passed out.

CNN anchor John Roberts says that Al and Tipper Gore's marriage first began to unravel during the stress of the 2000 presidential election and subsequent recount. Mark Halperin suggests that it may have been their son's 2007 drug arrest. Well?

The AARP surveyed over-45-year-olds and found they were more willing to cheat but, actually, they were "engaging in sex less often and with less satisfaction." The probable culprit? That damned economy and associated "financial worries." [AP]

The devil's prayers have been answered. Known eater of food Gwyneth Paltrow has taped an episode of The Marriage Ref that will air tomorrow. Soon your marriage could be judged by Gwyneth Paltrow. More than it already is. Look, video!

For two decades, Charlie Sheen's personal life has been a battlefield of bitter ex-wives, broken engagements, porn stars, hookers, drug-fueled orgies, and domestic discord. No wonder his prenup—which we revealed yesterday—is so obsessed with minimizing risk.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller deny they're divorcing, even as they live apart following Sheen's domestic assault arrest, two stints in rehab, and rumors of call girl trysts. We have a copy of the couple's prenup and a possible explanation.

It's a map and it is surprising! Interestingly enough, godless liberal Midwestern enclave Iowa is the only state where you can get a homo-dog marriage but not a convenient and family-reunion-airfare-cost-efficient cousin marriage.

Getting an annulment is a painful process whether you're Dennis Rodman or the King of England. How do you go about the process without drowning in legalese? Watch this video to find out.

A judge yesterday rejected 26 year-old Long Islander Danielle Cavalieri's claim that she should be able to keep a $19,000 engagement ring because her (now ex) fiancee cheated on her. Long Island men were like, "Yes." [NYP]

Maybe you have married friends. Maybe they fight on Facebook. But the next time you comment "Please shut up" on one of their interminable wall fights, consider the case for Facebook fighting.