Two of the revolutionary hero (to some) Che Guevara's kids said this week that they've had enough of their dad being used as a branding icon for advertisers of all stripes. "The appropriation of the figure of Che that has been used to make enemies from different classes" is "embarrassing," said one of his daughters. That's true. But Che's image today is largely made up of consumer products, that people buy in solidarity with a complicated man whose popular representation is—to say the least—highly simplified. Below, ten of the most important Che items that any dedicated revolutionary should own. Get em before they're outlawed.

An amazing, real item on sale at K-Mart now: "These athletic pants boldly proclaim just where she stands by pointing out that 'True Love Waits' in a large screen print on the front and back of these pants." Abstinence: It's right there on her ass. Click through for the colorful varieties you can order for your teenage daughter:

Seven former US health secretaries have signed a letter calling on the government to ban menthol cigarettes, which have been exempted from an upcoming bill banning "flavored" cigarettes. Congress, thankfully, isn't backing them on this one. Do you know what we smoked before Kools? Beedies. They're even worse! Soon, shady Astroturf groups quietly financed by Big Tobacco will come together with unscrupulous hustlers posing as representatives of the black community to say: Hands off our bodies, government! [NYT]

Tit-and-chicken-wing purveyor Hooters has signed on as the exclusive sponsor of Big Brown, the star racehorse that has already won two legs of the Triple Crown, and will try to complete the feat this weekend at the Belmont Stakes. UPS, the brown-themed shipping company that was was originally the sole sponsor of the horse, inexplicably allowed Hooters to slide in just before Big Brown is set to achieve the pinnacle of its publicity. In addition to being a bad PR decision, UPS' move has now subjected us all to the prospect of Jay Leno (and, less painfully, Tracy Morgan) chuckling about Hooters' upcoming "Big Brown Day":

Vanity Fair is a national publication, but it's gone to a lot of trouble to market itself to the tastemakers of New York City. The magazine has produced a 40-page guide to the summer in NYC, with lists and quick critiques of everything from the best outdoor bars with roof decks to the hottest summer concerts. It's a smart (if labor-intensive) promotional move: making the in-crowd know you went to a lot of effort on their behalf. Populists that we are, we're bringing the entire document to the public—you can view the whole thing here. Below, a sample page of VF's editorial comments on summer bars:

Hey kids: you think Catholicism is all about musty old churches and child-molesting priests? Think again, yo! Everything that you think is cool came from a man named g-o-d—including blunt-smoking gangster rapper Snoop Dogg. Deify him! But he's not the only one of you young peoples' false idols who came from the Godmeister. That's right, Sienna Miller did too! These two ads from the Australian version of Marie Claire are supposed to promote the Catholic Church's upcoming World Youth Day. 1-8-7 with a gat in your mouth, Jesus! Gaze upon the full versions of two [REAL] horrifying ideas of youth outreach:

Would you like to become an "expert" in a field that really defies easy expert prediction? Here's how: Take a group of things in that field that have already proven themselves to be successful. Then find common characteristics among the items in that group. Put forward those characteristics as your own personal advice about how to be successful in said field. Then, when your audience discovers that simply staring at a bunch of characteristics of things successful in the past does nothing to help them make the hard decisions about the future, you can just shrug and say, "Hey, these things are complex!" This works for "experts" in stock picking, politics, and, especially, marketing.

Rob Walker, who writes the "Consumed" column in the New York Times Magazine every weekend (a sweet "job"), has a new book out in which he draws the sad—but unavoidable—conclusion that we are all a bunch of sheep blindly obeying a world of marketing messages. You think you're able to use your education, morality, and philosophical beliefs to rise above advertising? Ha! That's what all the sheep think. Walker's not a gung-ho Corporate America kind of guy, which makes his thesis that much more depressing. But it's hard to argue with him. Go drown your sorrows in PBR like the hipster that you are. Your chosen brands make up your very soul:

These high gas prices are an absolute killer for the legalized sex trade. Truckers who enjoy paying for sex with hookers at isolated Nevada brothels have a lot less disposable income these days, so those brothels are being forced to do what once was unnecessary: marketing. Sex with anonymous prostitutes just doesn't sell itself these days! So the pimps, or whatever the legitimate business equivalent is called, are getting creative: not just billboards, but barbecue, beans, and trucker loyalty (to hookers) programs:

Oprah is the most important person in the world, singlehandedly driving American book-buying and butt cream choices. Ad Age has a monster article today about "How to Get Your Brand on 'Oprah,'" which is the most important task facing American marketers everywhere at any given time. And after thousands of words, the magazine nails the secret to landing your widget in this "pinnacle of product publicity": get Oprah to like you, or something!

Last week the Times suggested that Oprah's show was losing relevance. Today it's AdAge with a piece that exposes the seamy business of product promotion on the media queen's daytime talk show: "It helps a whole lot if Oprah likes your brand or its ads. It helps more still if Oprah's producers like you. And it possibly helps even more if Oprah likes you or the person endorsing your brand. Oh, and another, murkier point: Some PR people believe it may help to 'do a sponsorship,' as one put it." [Ad Age]

Sharon Stone has finally apologized for her "inappropriate" comment that the recent massive Chinese earthquake was a product of "bad karma" for the country for its treatment on Tibet. She's sorry, okay! Nevertheless, fashion house Christian Dior announced that it's pulling all of its ads featuring the actress from all department stores, and the entire country of China. Though the comment itself was stupid, Stone's hasty retreat from her brash Tibet-championing—and Dior's even harsher public rebuke of her—are a great illustration of what is becoming the New China Rule: "Do Not Talk About The New China Rule." It's been de rigeur for top stars to prove their class by endorsing luxury brands, and to prove their morality by pontificating about Tibet. But guess what: pretty soon you're going to have to pick one or the other, Hollywood. And it's not looking good for the Dalai Lama.

Popular pretend-life game The Sims is now selling $20 add-on packs of virtual IKEA furniture to decorate their virtual houses. Advertising like this in video games seems, on its face, to be a win-win business proposition; companies get captive, slack-jawed audience for their virtual ads and products, and game developers get a new revenue stream where none existed before. The only problem: nobody really knows whether these types of ads work. Oh, and the other problem: The entire concept is incredibly sad.

New York mag weighs in on the silly promotions tied to the SATC release: "It seems anyone trying to sell a dress, bag, or cocktail in this town believes the best way to do that is to tell you their goods are exactly what Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha would wear, carry, or drink, even though many (if not most) of these items are not what said characters would wear, carry, or drink at all."

Tired of seeing all those "cool" brand collaborations like "BAPE X FRESHJIVE X PUMA RAZOR T SHIRT WITH THREE LOGOS, $55," etc.? Well now collaborations are coming to the common folk! Cool hipster hip cutting edge Japanese retailer Beams is teaming up with your favorite store, 7-11, for a collabo-branded pack of stationery. We quote: "The latest collaboration by Japanese select shop Beams is with 7-Eleven, producing a stationery collection that includes pens, sketchbooks and sticky notes." Because co-branded stationery is not just a Tokyo thing any more. [Monocle via Hypebeast]

Sears is a company that has become almost entirely redundant, is outflanked by competitors on all sides, and stands ready to poison the reputation of the financial genius who last bought it, Eddie Lampert. The store is not as cheap as Wal-Mart, not as good as Macy's, and not as convenient as Amazon. It's an old retailer desperate for a revolutionary change to resurrect it from the grave. So how is Sears going to claw its way back into the competitive fashion market? By hiring LL Cool J to start a clothing line for it, of course! This is such an appropriately crappy idea:

Think of all the tasty treats of your childhood that you can't find any more—what mighty act of will would it take to bring them back into existence? "1,300 phone inquiries, an online petition with more than 1,000 signatures and Internet chat sites lamenting the demise of the snack." That's all it took for Kellogg to resurrect the odd Oreo ripoff cookies called Hydrox, which were discontinued in 2003 after nearly 100 years. Turns out some people really like their Hydrox! The product always seemed like an inferior, superfluous, knockoff cookie with a terrible name. Which it is! But that has proven to work in its favor from a marketing perspective, because, it seems, "Its fans came to see their sandwich-cookie choice as a call to arms for nonconformists." Sad—but effective. Unfortunately, its kitsch value is the only thing Hydrox really has going for it:

Hip hop, as a business, is on the slow downward slope of its peak of several years ago. The traditional music industry as a whole is crumbling under assault from online distribution. And print magazines, of course, are one of the most perilous business ventures in all media. So the launch this month of the print-based Hip Hop Business Journal is truly an idea that takes after one of its cultural heroes; it combines Tupac Shakur's heedless, go-for-it bravery, his headstrong pride, and his inevitable tendency to die young.

Toronto, proving once again that it is a city ahead of its time when it comes to zombie creativity, is currently hosting an onstage musical version of the classic, terrible 1981 zombiesploitation flick Evil Dead. To advertise the show their agency is making zombie-themed versions of posters from popular Broadway shows. Any excuse to make the theater more friendly to the undead is worthwhile. Pictured, a Les Miserables ripoff; and after the jump, a Hairspray version.

So much racism news today! What else are non-Caucasians concerned about? Their massive erasure from the portrayal of New York City in its marketing campaign to tourists, that's what! The city's laughably titled "Just ask the locals" campaign encourages clueless tourists to ask famous NYC celebrities—who are friendly, and stationed at strategic spots throughout town—where to go in the city. Deborah Harry likes Kenkeleba Garden in the East Village! But now people are grumbling, because a little counting reveals that an outrageously disproportionate number of the celebs featured in the campaign are white. Latinos, it seems, just don't sell: