The Perez Hilton brand is becoming an empire! Well, sort of. The off-putting celebrity blogger has been stamping his name on shitty clothing, he might be getting his own record label, and now he's had a damn musical written about him. Is he really becoming an unstoppable juggernaut corporation, or is it just hooey? We'll take a closer look at the corpulent stain-artist's side projects after the jump.
Listen, we know you're all excited about the news of InBev's $46 billion bid to buy Anheuser-Busch. But have you considered the possible side effect? Fewer beer ads! A-B spends half a billion dollars a year on commercials, and another $300 million on sports sponsorships. But InBev—the maker of fey non-American beers like Stella Artois—is run by Belgian cheapskates who do comparatively little advertising at all. Watch out, Budweiser Clydesdales, Spuds MacKienzie, and American sportsmanship: foreigners are coming to destroy you!
It's not like Tom Cruise can just sit back relaxing, sipping secret anti-aging formula and reading L. Ron Hubbard books and waiting for the world to stumble onto his awesome new website. So he's out there working with Google AdSense to direct your attention to his important site, chock-full of Tom Cruise-approved Tom Cruise information! Click to enlarge this screengrab of the wacky star's internet marketing plan in action.
There's no denying Lindsay Lohan's "thriller" I Know Who Killed Me was among the most critically and commercially reviled B-movies of last year — of any year, really. But now that IKWKM is approaching cable oblivion with its premiere June 14 on Starz, we doubt our inbox has ever seen a publicity campaign this wonderfully defensive or reactionary — almost Warholesque in its celebration of its own product's awfulness, proudly emphasizing its Razzie Award cred and critical pull quotes exhorting viewers to check out "a disaster that exerts a perverse fascination" (Variety) or "the monumental trashiness of this mess" (NY Daily News).
Ads, of course, are everywhere. But at least back in the good old days (last week), they would only creep into the borders of our TV shows, rather than becoming the entire show itself. Well, those days are gone, friend. Give up your outdated ideas about what programming should be, and settle in with a bowl of wet food and your hungry cat for a fine evening receiving the subtle marketing messages of the "Meow Mix Game Show"!
Rolling Stone, America's most frustrating magazine (yay, Matt Taibbi; boo, excruciating music coverage) has been having some trouble selling ads lately. So to help revitalize its "iconic and revolutionary brand," the magazine has slapped some of its classic covers on t-shirts. They're for sale at Macy's for $36 each. Eh, not really worth it. Oh, wait: each shirt comes with a free subscription to Rolling Stone. Eh, still. Better idea: make the magazine better so it sells. "The new collection of Rolling Stone tees appeals to today's cross-channel lifestyle, bringing together the influences of fashion, music, celebrity and entertainment," says a Macy's exec. "Macy's is honored to be exclusively bringing back these covers in a new, wearable way." OH NOW I GET IT. [via Ad Age]
Here's a useful thing: Mike's Hard Lemonade has a neato promotional toy on its website that will let you insert your own name and picture into a news clip, then send that clip to your boss as evidence of why you can't come in to work today. In unrelated news, Julia Allison won't make it to work today; she's been stuck on a spinning carnival ride! Watch this breaking news now! [via Adrants]
We knew that the hip, priced-to-fly airline had cool purple lighting and probably on-board porn or whatever, but did we know that Virgin America also provides their delayed passengers with live entertainment, including three-card monte? From a tipster:
One of Apple's greatest strengths has always been the clean design and memorable branding of its products. Which makes this logo for its new MobileMe internet service all the more surprising. Why? Because it looks like a Windows knockoff, and it sucks, frankly. Rod Townsend, who wonders if this is "the worst logo in the history of Mac," has a few thoughts: It "Looks like a poor cousin of the Intel logo." It "Needs to cut down on the carbs." It "Looks like something Cindy McCain would hang in a child's nursery." Hey, we can play too! Apple's new MobileMe logo:
Will these waggish fragrance marketing types ever stop with their cheeky penis humor? Eleven-year-old cologne wearers sure hope not! San Francisco—a popular home to gays—is all atwitter because of a new campaign by the giant ad agency Ogilvy for Tom of Finland, a new scent inspired by the famous homoerotic artist of the same name. They took posters of Tom's drawings, see, and positioned them just so next to protruding objects—that to a dirty mind might resemble a huge, hard cock! Such sophisticated appeal to the target demographic. The gays like that stuff, right? So they'll surely open their wallets for this:
Bigger, Stronger, Faster , the just-released documentary that reconsiders the terrible public image of steroids, is winning praise for its frank depiction of the pluses and minuses of 'roids. But all the honesty didn't turn out well for Christian Boeving, a fitness model who lost his endorsement contract with Muscletech when it became clear that he admitted longtime steroid use in an interview in the film. "I didn't think I would get into that much trouble, because I thought it was pretty apparent that the top people in the industry use steroids to look like we do," Boeving said. But he admitted it, so he's out. Yes, the entire muscle industry is made up of hypocrites. You'd have thought that some of Boeving's pictures, like these, might have given his totally innocent sponsors a clue:
Legends Rubbers, a small Australian company that sells its condoms in retro-looking tins for the cool effect, made national news by signing up controversial sex-positive artist Hazel Dooney to design some tins for them. It's not the first time prophylactics have collided with the art world; Keith Haring himself "considered ideas for designing condoms," and condoms are a staple medium for a certain breed of working artist. Sex-themed art as a marketing tool seems like a natural fit. And now, a new psychological study confirms its wisdom. Why "dirty thoughts" make men buy things—and a few of Dooney's (racy) past works—after the jump.
Black women these days: they're just not buying enough Toyota Camrys. The car company's ad agency rep explains the problem: "[Black women] think of it as suburban, not urban; as solid but boring. And for this woman, she doesn't see herself as boring." Ha, you go girl! Well, ladies, Toyota likes to think of all of its customers as "sisters." And it knows just how to get you elusive African-American females to buy more of their boring suburban cars—with a crazy online fashion espionage game! Coincidentally, there's a black woman in it. And a Camry!
There's a new list of the top 40 publicity stunts of all time out, and we've found what is—without a doubt—the most worthwhile of them all, from just two weeks ago: a production company called Action Figure produced a techno-scored, super slow-mo, two-minute video of all their employees getting punched in the face. Really. This should be a mandatory stunt for many of America's top corporations. Its power can hardly be described; just watch it, after the jump.
After Hurricane Katrina, Lowe's started selling "Katrina Cottages"—easy, cheap, pre-fab housing for those left homeless. Nice. But now they're trying to expand the "Katrina Cottage" line, marketing them to the public as a "Mountain retreat, vacation cabin, guesthouse." Mountain retreat OF DOOM. [Lowlife]
Are you a company trying to get your products into the hands of the coveted but hard-to-reach "in prison" demographic? Why not advertise in Prisonworld Magazine? They're in over 400 institutions across the nation, and they're looking for advertisers. This could be a great placement for uh, Snickers, Newports... shower sandals? Shiv manufacturers. Just off the top of my head. And surprisingly affordable! Check out the jail rag's pitch and rate card:
Have you bought your Absolut Rainbow bottle yet? It's only available at Colette through July 1! It's "a tribute to support diversity and individual rights. The rainbow also stands for happiness and now for party...with Absolut!" Hey, the homosexual agenda is at least as scary as the Mexican takeover agenda. Where's the boycott? [via Selectism]
