Last week we gently mocked floundering artery-clogger Ruby Tuesday's announcement that it would be blowing up one of its restaurants LIVE on the internet as a signal to the world that it was changing the way it does business. But as dumb as that idea sounded strategically, it did have one redeeming quality: an exploding Ruby Tuesday. Well the stunt went off yesterday, and the whole thing was a pathetic hoax. Instead of blowing up their own location, RT pretended to destroy some neighboring fake chain restaurant to signify blah blah blah. You suck Ruby Tuesday, and your stock is just as poisonous as your fried mozzarella. Watch the video of the bait-and-switch stunt below, while booing:

Posters for Cabana Cachaca, a brand of Brazilian rum that is determined to bully its way into the market through sheer advertising mass, are plastered all over Manhattan. But they're cropped so that the model is just barely free of nipple (a body part banned in the USA). But the posters direct you to the company's website where-in a keen display of digital marketing strategy-you can see the model's nipple (Copyranter made sure of it). I think they've hit on a solid online agenda here. Click through for the (NSFW) uncensored version of the ad. None of this contributes to high quality rum, as if you cared:

Calvin Klein has produced an ad campaign featuring a sultry actress flashing a nipple. That ad has now been banned from TV in America, resulting in a heap of free press for CK and its new fragrance. Could this standard-issue fashion PR masterstroke have been purposeful? A CK exec says it's "not entirely" a surprise that the ad showing Hitch starlet Eva Mendes writhing around naked on a bed (covered only by a strategically rumpled sheet) has been rejected by US networks. (It shows her nipple, duh!) The creative director behind it is maintaining a sense of righteous outrage, but this is clearly a well-executed textbook case of manufacturing controversy for publicity. Yes, we have the ad after the jump.

Guileless grownups and equally guileless children both seem to respond well to straightforward ad jingles with a catchy tune. But members of the disaffected 20-something creative underclass need a dash of ironic humor with our jingles, to makes us feel like we're not giving in so easily to corporate mind control. That's why the ads for FreeCreditReport.com are so popular-they show a 20-something guy (just like your friends!) singing a funny little song about how hard it is to work crappy jobs, and how happy he is that he can get a free credit report. Turns out the ads are misleading and the reports aren't free at all! How could you do this to us, guitar-strumming advertising guy? FreeCreditReport.com is run by Experian, and it actually signs you up for a $14.95 per month fee when it gives you your report. Making this even worse is the fact that we're all legally entitled to a free credit report from the company every year, via AnnualCreditReport.com. But Experian's site is incredibly successful, because we are all suckers for a catchy ad tune.

"There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris and this son of a bitch couldn't find one of them." Sound like an opening sentence to a trashy beach novel that aims to be read by thousands of housewives lolling on the Jersey shore before becoming landfill refuse? That's exactly what it is! But since it has such a killer first line, the people promoting the book (Tan Lines, obviously) made a video of all types of random people reading it. Just that line. It's all downhill from there. This is like the far, far less literary version of the video of random blogger types reading from the Keith Gessen FSU remix book. I bet the Tan Lines people wish Julia Allison had showed up to put some flair into it. Aw! Watch the strange clitoris festival, below:

Apparently trying to get people to "CRAVE" their ugly, 20-mile-per-gallon (city!) CR-V crossover, Honda made a dopey, computerized 20-questions thing for their website. In case you've never done one before, that means you think of some THING and the website asks you a series of questions and tries to guess what THING you've got in mind. There are any number of sites that can do this, so Honda apparently just downloaded some sort of standard programming library to make the game work, then wrapped it in a 3-D model of their car for marketing purposes. But they forgot to take out many of the racier THINGS one might have in mind, like an herbal jazz cigarette, also known as a "joint." We're told "cocaine" also worked at one point but can't get the game to accept that — it says "I am guessing that you're thinking of something your mother wouldn't approve of." Aww Honda, just throw open the floodgates. Then the game might actually be sorta fun! [Honda]

One-fifth of all marketing executives in a new survey say that they've bought advertising in a publication in exchange for a news story. Ten percent say they've had "an implicit/non-verbal agreement with a reporter or editor" for favorable coverage (seems low). And 8% say they've "paid or provided a gift of value to an editor/producer" in return for story (also seems low). It's all enough to make you want to run out and buy a bottle of Stoli Blakberi™, pour one part Stoli Blakberi™ in a tall glass with ice, top with three parts tonic, garnish with a lime wedge, and consume your Stoli Blackberi™ Tonic. [PRW (my former gig)/ MS&L via Adrants Photo: Reuters]

An alarming trend in market research has just come to our attention: Hypnosis focus groups. Regular focus groups are full of lying consumers who are scared to admit they only purchase whatever is cheapest, and they're always dominated by one loudmouth who argues until everyone else agree with them. But not if everyone in the focus group is hypnotized—then they're "compelled to tell the truth about their economic situation and their true feelings." This seems like an extreme length to go to to hear people's deep, dark opinions on fabric softener. And the outfit selling this service is just as odd(ly creepy) as you might expect: Time machines! Sexy time! Godzillllllaaaaaaa! From the website of Hypnosis Focus Groups, complete with disturbingly literal illustrations!

The magazine industry cares about the environment. They promise. For example, did you know that magazines can be recycled? Just put them right there in the recycling bins and feel the satisfaction! The industry is even running a campaign to urge you all to "Please Recycle This Magazine" after you read it (though I choose to recycle Entertainment Weekly before I read it). But are the biggest publishing companies themselves living up to these lofty recycling standards? One possibly soon-to-be-fired Conde Nast insider says hell no! Conde Nast Portfolio media blogger Jeff Bercovici says in a post about the green campaign:

Ladies, have a look at this ad featuring skinny supermodel Kate Moss. How does it make you feel? Wait, let me tell you how it makes you feel: it makes you hate your own body, but really want to purchase that handbag Kate Moss is advertising! What am I, psychic? No, I'm just telling you what the advertising industry has discovered in a breakthrough new study about skinny models. Women love to hate themselves and keep coming back for more, apparently! The actual, scientific study found that "ads featuring thin models made women feel worse about themselves but better about the brands featured." They make you despise your own "normal" body, and subconsciously try to correct the situation with therapy consisting of shopping. Oh, the pretty girls have all the pretty brands! A Villanova professor who ran the study ferreted out just what advertisers bank on: masochism. ""The really interesting result we're seeing across multiple studies is that these thin models make women feel bad, but they like it," he said. The advertising industry always knew you were a bad, bad girl. And in the most entertaining twist to this whole thing, the study also found that images of skinny models make women stop eating. Surprise!:

Oh look, it's a picture of bubblegum R&B singer Chris Brown shilling for the Wrigley corporation last night at a special event celebrating their secret plan to ruin all music forever and ever by turning it into undercover advertising. Here are some good brands of gum you may enjoy: Dentyne, Chiclets, Carefree, Ice Breakers, Stride, Trident, or Bubblicious. None of which are made by Wrigley! Every time you chew Doublemint, a pop artist gets wings and Tom Waits is stabbed with a fiery pencil right in his bellybutton. Boycott Wrigley for the sake of the children! [pic via Guest of aGuest]

Booze: it really sells itself. But you can always buy more booze, and liquor companies have been honing their sales pitches for decades. Below, seven ads for-bluntly-cheap rotgut booze, from the 1940s and 50s. Maybe this stuff was classy way back then? Gay undertones, exotic racism, sexism, and international flair are all in there! I think you'll prefer this brand of rotgut to booze costing "up to $1.00 more," assuming you're a white man!

The economy is tanking and everybody is foraging for grubs rather than spending their hoarded nickels eating out at casual dining establishments. Poor Bennigan's just went under. Ruby Tuesday is vowing not to suffer the same fate! So the Bennigan's-like chain, which is hanging on by a thread (deep fried thread, Ranch on the side), has come up with a smart new plan to revive itself: blow up one of its stores! With explosives. This is sure to work. The detonation will be broadcast live on the company's website. The message of this stunt? "Our company sucks."

Children under 12 are the targets of almost $1 billion in marketing spending from food companies every year. What are they being sold? Pop-tarts, fast food, crackers, gum, sugary cereals, and the other things that good moms don't let their kids eat. But! The food industry has graciously decided that they will get their rampant advertising to kids under control, to ensure that the kids aren't, you know, encouraged to buy the carbtastic products that these companies make. And who is determining just what the standards will be for protecting kids? These very same food companies! In related news, kids are all fat. Let's break it down: A bunch of big huge evil food companies got together and formed a group and promised to either not advertise to kids, or only advertise products to kids that are "good" for them. Then these companies individually decided for themselves what it means to advertise to kids, and what food is "good." With predictable results! Here are some products you should be aware are good for your babies: Apple Jacks, Froot Loops, Corn Pops, Burger King's macaroni and cheese. Mmm! Plus, some companies say an ad only "targets children" if more than half of its audience is made up of kids under age 12. So 51% 13-year-olds and 49% toddlers, go right ahead with that bacon double cheeseburger ad! Mmm! And if it proves to be too much of a hassle for the companies, they just sell to the terrible parents of America:

That and another update have been added to the most recent full post.

Kudos are in order to the public relations company that "tipped" us earlier today about the supposed government-created mutant that washed up in Montauk, if for nothing other than its timing. The firm, described by its owner as a purveyor of "grassroots viral marketing," was wise to try and place a campaign than in the midst of the summer news doldrums. But neither Gawker nor Jezebel (original recipient of the tip) seem an appropriate place to plug a children's show, which a different tipster thinks is behind the Montauk picture.

God, the internet has really proven to be detrimental to our collective national psyche. It's gotten to the point that we won't even consider thinking about any organization that hasn't produced some god damn "viral video." And some porn! Must we impose these outlandish standards even on the gentle nature-lovers at Greenpeace? Yes, we demand they cater to our short attention spans and stunted penchant for sex jokes. So they have obliged with this "tree porn" video clip. Sexy stumps! Sultry openings in bark! And some guy standing just off camera moving leaves up and down over a forked branch like a giggling 12-year-old! Ha, "wood." Watch it below in order to save the earth or something!

I have to admit I didn't know that people actually physically picked up and visited and/ or moved to New Zealand just because they loved the Lord of the Rings movies. This is a fact, apparently, but what's the rationale? Hoping to run into a fantasy battle scene? I don't see it. Nevertheless, Australia is now planning to use a movie to lure in similar hordes of easily manipulated child-like Hollywood fans. If you go there you'll probably have sex with Nicole Kidman!

Thrillist tells us that the Brooklyn-based company STF has come with a wallet-sized "Safe Sex License" that can help prove to your partner that you're clean. Right? Right? Here's how it works:

This pro-Obama ad is about how "hope" is a lot like a sexually transmitted disease. It is designed to reach to the Youngs, all of whom have herpes, especially in Brooklyn. It is by MoveOn.org. In order to make sure it appeals to those cold-sored 20-somethings, it feeds their bullshit pop culture nostalgia by featuring a guy who was on Boy Meets World and a lady from that vampire show. It will be the very first political ad ever to appear on Comedy Central where it is sure to convince to all those post-racial young Larry the Cable Guy and Carlos Mencia fans to vote for Senator Obama.