The Olympic Games have long promoted more than the amateur athletic spirit. Sponsors this year sell pharmaceuticals, laptop computers and luxury watches, among other things, mostly to consumers outside of China. But there's something particularly sad about the way the games have been co-opted to push sugary treats inside the host country. Mars Inc., for example, used street sports events and other Olympic gimmicks to help grow sales of Snickers bars 75 percent in China this year, the Wall Street Journal reports for today's paper. Then there's Coke, which spread its tooth-eroding product into China's impoverished, soda-deprived rural provinces by attaching itself to the Olympic torch relay. That and some other local uses of Coke's $400 million in global Olympic advertising helped erode Pepsi's lead in China, the Journal reported on its front page Tuesday. Both Mars and Coke seem oblivious to the moral issues raised by their campaigns amid heightened scrutiny, in the U.S. at least, of obesity-linked products. If they're not more careful, American sugar purveyors may find themselves shackled in the fashion of cigarette makers. After the jump, a look at a scene from Mad Men, in which tobacco executives begin to grapple with the regulatory noose begin to close around their own advertising in the early 1960s.

"The truth is that Lorillard markets its Newport brand cigarettes to adult smokers of all ethnicities," writes Lorillard CEO Martin Orlowsky to the Chicago Tribune today. "The truth is that our marketing is not disproportionately directed to African-Americans. The truth is that we do not target underage smokers. The truth is that there are twice as many Caucasian menthol cigarette smokers as there are African-American menthol cigarette smokers. I challenge those who want to prove otherwise to come forward with evidence to support their charges." Ha, well... Lorillard doesn't have to market disproportionately to African-Americans, because the market share of menthols in the black community is already massive. Look at Orlowsky's own math:

When the "Tom Cruise in the future" movie Minority Report came out in 2002, everybody got all googly-moogly over the futuristic ad technology that recognized people's faces and tailored ads directly to them, instantly, as they walked through stores. Well slowly but surely that's all becoming a reality! The wonders of living in the future. Retailers are working on all types of technologies to "serve up ads based on the consumer's appearance." Hey, ugly: check it out! Dunkin Donuts is putting ad screens on its checkout and pickup areas telling you to buy things and come back soon, respectively. Some stores are sticking video screens on the shelves, which flash ads at you based on what item you pick up off the shelf. Which seems like it would quickly get annoying. But the creepiest is the effort to read your face:

Appeasing aggression simply invites more aggression, corporate people! First you caved in to demands from the Hydrox hippies that you bring back their subversive little devil snack and now look — you've got to consider bringing back Kellog's OKs cereal, Hit Parade cigarettes and the most awful thing ever made, Postum, which is beloved only by some Seventh-Day Adventists and a handful of Mormons and which was mercifully put out of its misery late last year. Some of the more terrifying information on Postum's Wikipedia page reveals:

You know Microsoft is hopelessly out of touch when the opening paragraph of the Wall Street Journal article that's supposed to be touting the tech giant's marketing coup starts off something like this: "Microsoft Corp., weary of being cast as a stodgy oldster by Apple Inc.'s advertising, is turning for help to Jerry Seinfeld." Huh? Microsoft is hoping to appeal to the Gen Y demo—people in their 20s—by hiring a spokesman who is 54? Better yet: Seinfeld will be appearing in the commercials alongside Bill Gates himself, who doesn't exactly conjure up an image of cool with iPod-listening, Macbook-carrying hipsters on the L train. The $300 million campaign, which will debut on Sept. 4th, will be promoting Microsoft's Vista operating system, which, company officials acknowledge, has generated a "negative public perception." (That's probably because it sucks.) Why did Seinfeld decide to participate? We're guessing it may have had something to do with the $10 million paycheck.

The public irritation with Michael Phelps gathers steam! Instead of being on the Wheaties box like a real American champion, Phelps has signed on to endorse Frosted Flakes. Yes: Michael Phelps wants your kids to choke down these sugar-encrusted corn scabs rather than the high fiber of Wheaties. The papers already found some doctors to condemn him. Though we shouldn't be surprised considering Phelps' addiction to Big Macs, the goofy-ass swimmer really should have been smarter in terms of his image. After the jump, five more idiotic celebrity endorsements that can't be explained by mere logic: 1. Wu-Tang Clan endorses St. Ides Malt liquor advocacy is not a positive move for the knowledge gods. On the other hand, Wu-Tang really doesn't give a fuck.

In case guzzling down cups of coffee and cans of Diet Coke or Red Bull just doesn't deliver enough caffeine to your bloodstream, manufacturers are now considerately adding caffeine to food: As well as the supercharged versions of gum, candy and even instant oatmeal that are available, a company has introduced Engobi, the world's first "caffeine infused munchie." As Slate reporter Mason Currey discovers, Engobi is a sugary puff whose packaging promises to help you "to get wired. I mean really wired."

This Schweppes ad became a YouTube hit. Why? Because its photography is beautiful. It shows something stunning and naturally draws people in. What it decidedly isn't is a crass attempt to "go viral" with some sort of shocking riff on a pop culture moment aimed a specific demographic group. Which is why we picked this clip to illustrate our foolproof theory of "Viral Reality" (not pertaining to disease): The internet is the most meritocratic communications medium invented yet. The bar to entry is low—basic internet skills and the cost of an internet hookup. Distribution is immediate and global. And, as many large corporations have learned, putting absurd amounts of money behind a web project is no guarantee of success. What is guaranteed is that, in the long run, quality things on the internet will become popular. Take our own stories, for example. Sure, we can promote them to a certain extent on Digg, and put them on the top deck. But if they're not engaging enough they're never going to take off. On the other hand, lots of things we toss up and then forget about catch on all by themselves. Quality is the common denominator for things that become popular. The hard part is determining what "quality" means online. If I knew, I would be a rich man, like Richard Blakeley. Sometimes, the big hits are very random. But they rarely are the product of a deliberate attempt to game the system; they usually happen organically. Which is a long way of saying to advertisers: stop making "viral" ads and just make good ads.

Running a free monthly magazine about outdoor sports in the New York area is probably not the most lucrative niche in the media, so it's perfectly understandable that a publisher would want to look for some creative ways to sell ad space. But selling the entire front cover for a product placement? That may be the point at which you cease to be an actual magazine. Although that didn't stop Metrosports NY from doing it:

Guns "N" Roses' "new" album Chinese Democracy-insert standard joke about album taking longer to happen than actual democracy in China-reportedly stands a good chance of being sold exclusively at Wal-Mart. This comes on the same day that AC/ DC announced that it will be selling its new album exclusively at Wal-Mart. Maybe because the soul-crushing retailer has been forced to accept a union at a store in Canada, it's now progressive enough for this to be acceptable? Either that or rock and roll is dead. [via Adfreak]

You think you're clever with your Tivo, skipping over all the ads so you can greedily drink in the networks' hard work for free? You selfish, selfish person. Now that you freeloaders have succeeded in avoiding ads coming into your home, the marketing industry has pledged to bomb you with commercial messages every time you set foot outside your home. "We're digital, we're interactive, we're speaking the language of that 21-to-34-year-old," says one ad exec. That's why the real world at large is now just one more ad-supported medium! And, just how 21-to-34-year-olds like it, they're "right in your face." The term: "Place-based media." The meaning: Ads RIGHT IN YOUR FACE, everywhere-security kiosks, bus stops, the Duane Reade checkout line, jukeboxes in bars. Learn to love it. You gave them your permission for all this, after all:

Please, sit down and remove your Peterbilt hat: there's something you should know about the upcoming long-haul trucker documentary Drive and Deliver. Sure, the movie is heart-wrenching portrayal of the ups and downs of the trucking life-the long nights, the long days, the lengthy amount of time spent in a sitting position. But all those truck-porn shots of "the behemoth LoneStars, their chrome and oversize grilles gleaming brightly"? Bought and paid for, my friend. The movie is an ad. And maybe the most efficient product placement of all time! Drive and Deliver is directed by Brett Morgen, who also did The Kid Stays In The Picture. But the entire thing is a $5 million marketing scheme by truck maker Navistar International. So while there's a rich history of companies sponsoring their own shows (the "Colgate Variety Hour"), and a rich history of product placement in movies, the idea of bankrolling an entire documentary starring your own company's product gives twice the impact, in a more subtle fashion. First we got previews at the movies. Then we got ads at the movies. Then we got ads in the movies. Now we have movies that are ads. Well, at least our precious TV shows are safe from ads running during the show. No, they're not. [NYT, B&C. Related: I have a shiny nickel for anyone willing to go through NYT ad reporter Stuart Elliott's stories for the past year and see how many times he uses the phrase "branded entertainment." I bet the answer is "many."]

Kendra Wilkinson is a tanned, platinum-blond Playboy Model from Southern California who refers to Olive Garden as "my soul food." Which would seem to be exactly the sort of culinary embrace that one would expect from Hugh Hefner's live-in girlfriend, no? It's really quite a revealing bit of Americana. But Olive Garden itself wants to cater exclusively to waddling suburbanites, and fears that Wilkinson's sexy sexual sexuality will, somehow, scare away the clean customers. But why?

Dane Cook doesn't like the poster for his new movie! And to be fair to the unfunny and petulant comedian, it is terrible. The average heterosexual male would decline to see this movie based solely on the poster, even without knowing Dane Cook was in it. But the average heterosexual male who found themselves living Dane Cook's life would probably let it slide, secure in the thought that despite being (probably) Tucker Max's favorite entertainer, he was starring in movies with Kate Hudson and had a stable of college groupies. Dane Cook, however, took to his MySpace page with a 10-point letter of complaint about how the poster makes him look. Dude, you're totally making yourself sound like a metrosexual:

Nightlife photographer Patrick McMullan has always wanted to be respected. His pictures helped create the reputations of niche characters ranging from hipster party gods the Misshapes to famed socialgay publicist Kristian Laliberte, and McMullan himself sees no reason he shouldn't share the spotlight. Unfortunately for him, he's fundamentally an inflated paparazzo, and not a wealthy one-a pretty significant stumbling block to becoming close friends with real celebrities. What to do, when publishing books has proved fruitless? Start a self-branded magazine, of course! (That comes on your iPhone, for some reason?) McMullan's new "magazine" will be strictly iPhone-only, I guess to keep it out of the hands of the wrong crowd. The "magazine" will be called PMc and feature his own photos, a double shot of self-promotion.

What do Rachel Ray, stylish residents of the "inner city," and the United States Olympic cycling team have in common? That's right, they're all at the forefront of a tenuously conceived fashion trend, unbeknownst to them! Many people-such as outraged Chinese authorities-believed that the US cyclists showing up to Beijing wearing anti-smog masks was a grievous insult predicated on the notion that China, despite its charms, is a toxic hellhole. But really the image-conscious Americans were just trying to get in Vogue.

A donor to the Barack Obama presidential campaign forwarded an email from the Democratic candidate offering very special early notification when Obama picks his running mate. Obama even offered to text the guy's phone with the news just as soon as it's decided. "You have helped build this movement from the bottom up, and Barack wants you to be the first to know his choice," the campaign wrote. Only problem? Obama is saying the same exact thing to random strangers on his website. He's probably just trying to build a big email list to spam/telemarket for donations, which is predictable, but also NOT change we can believe it, damn it. Full email and blown-up spam form (picture, left) after the jump.

Business owners in New York have finally figured out how to draw attention to their business while simultaneously preventing graffiti and Poster Boy-style ad remixes: walls that grow plants. One yoga place on the Upper East Side has done this "living wall" thing, and it draws attention to the business, looks environmentally friendly, and leaves the entire wall impervious to vandalism as an added bonus. Until the bastards come with the hedge trimmers. What then? [Fine Blog via Curbed]

It's been fun while it's lasted, but the monstrous creature that washed up in Montauk, Long Island may have been nothing more than a prop from an independent movie about carnies, and a viral marketing scheme just as everyone initially suspected. There are enough untied loose ends in the hoax storyline to leave open the possibility that the hoax is itself a hoax, meaning the story has now entered a confusing phase where one must carefully sift the professed deceptions from the real deceptions and hard facts from intentional distortions. But one can try. Here's how a hoax would have gone down, according to a theory propagated on a few websites (linked below) over the past few days:

THe L Word doesn't show any ads, because it's on Showtime. But now the show popular with lesbians and non-lesbians alike has done something that will either become the future standard of television, or destroy the show forever: it has given its writer and creator the power to "control all brand integration" in the show. That means the writer, rather than the ad people, will be selling the product placements and determining how they play out. And it may become the de facto place for bad companies looking to make sweet $300,000 advertising love with the gay audience: