Oprah Winfrey famously can't control her weight. She recently overate until she was 200 pounds. So why is her 17-year diet-and-exercise manager a bestselling author?

In this age of fossil fuel depletion, economic meltdown, and a dying US auto industry, how should consumers pick an automobile? By bowing to the demands of the world's most terrifying screeching red-haired brat:

If you thought Microsoft's Seinfeld ads were bad, then you really don't want to see this new four-minute Microsoft "Songsmith" pseudoinfomercial. Because it is a descent into child karaoke hell, is why. Very bad.

Oh, to create a musky scent that cries out to the world: "I am from Brooklyn." Bond No. 9 is giving it a shot, with edgy results:

NBC is launching a female-focused quasi-marketing agency featuring the following people: Maria Bartiromo, Meredith Vieira, and Tori Spelling. Raise your hand if you don't see the problems with this. (Hand down, Tori).

The ad industry doesn't have too many black people working in it, which has never been that much of a concern to the whites. Until now, because a fancy lawyer might start suing everybody:

Did you know that the most important thing about Barack Obama's election is the fact that he's giving hundreds of millions of dollars worth of free publicity to the makers of Blackberry? It's true.

Burger King, for no good reason, has America's edgiest advertising. And it just got edgier. Now you can make it known publicly that someone's "friendship" is less valuable to you than 1/10th of a sandwich.

A landmark actual new scientific study has discovered that, yes, Axe Body Spray can help you get laid. But opening your stupid mouth could render the sickly juvenile aphrodisiac worthless.

For years, the likes of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Bros. have ruled the kiddie icon market. No more. Soon, heterosexual boys will have their own channel full of crappy Disney tween characters from hell.

Ad Creep installment #563: "Crotchvertising," to sell garish watches. The only shocking thing here is that Dov Charney is not involved somehow. [Trendhunter]

One of the biggest brand-called-you practitioners is calling the whole notion into question. Tech pundit Sarah Lacy publishes in four or five media and wonders what the point is.

The French CEO of huge ad conglomerate Publicis thinks Barack Obama's election shows America is smart again! Also, that all this economic trouble is the fault of shady corporate lies. But not advertising lies:

"We just thought, let’s try and figure out a fun brand we could put behind some of these casual games." [Times]

Things are bad when even an admitted gangster is furiously distancing himself from you. Bob Abbinanti may have admitted to running mob gambling rackets, but don't you accuse him of knowing Rod Blagojevich!

Massive advertising/ PR/ marketing conglomerate Omnicom (the most appropriately sinister name in the industry, btw) leaked word yesterday that they're planning on laying off 5% of their workforce, about 3,500 people. And now the axe is swinging—we hear that 200 staffers were just laid off at ad agency BBDO. "They have till the end of the day to pack up," notes our tipster. Better hurry, guys! No word on whether the BBDO sex tape participants were counted against that 200.

It was supposed to be a blind item, but the accompanying picture of Anderson Cooper helps answer the Post's question about a reefer-mad "Olympic champion."

Ad creep, recessionomics, etc: a beauty company will pay you 100 BRITISH POUNDS to plaster their logo on your eyelid. But you have to wink a lot. Stunty! And unique. Click for bigger pic.

The liberal portion of the Supreme Court says that average jerks can sue cigarette companies for fraudulently marketing their light cigarettes—which kill you—as safe. Conservatives say no, just shut up and die. Really!

Consumerist's Biggest Business Debacles [AdAge]