"American Boy" singer Estelle probably went into music for some soulful reason, but now you have to wonder, if it's all just Crystal Light commercials, why should anyone go into music at all?

Every celebrity believes that if they unleash their genius unto the world in the form of a fashion line or fragrance, their many fans will make it a natural hit. They're so wrong.

Johnny Rotten's butter ad nearly doubled sales. Selling out works!

Cold-eyed Hipsterwood blowjob recipient and woman-threatener Vincent Gallo is going to be appearing in some ads for H&M! A perfect fit, in Bizarro World. And, under "Too Good To Check": he calls bloggers GAY:

Those "TyGirlz" dolls named Sasha and Malia, the ones Michelle Obama viciously smeared as "inappropriate" (BURN!)? They're done. Gone forever. Finished. (Not exactly.)

So far, so good: Speedo and watchmaker Omega said they're keeping endorsement deals with Michael Phelps, despite pictures of the champion swimmer smoking pot. But he must pretend to quit weed forever.

Oh no, Michael Phelps and the demon weed marijuana! He's going to lose all his endorsements and his motivation, besides! Relax, people. This can all work out to the advantage of his nerd-ass reputation.

Well, Oscar Mayer's full-page ad in Newsweek (click for big pic) informs us that the meat processor's Deli Creations Flatbread Sandwiches are 'Blogworthy.' They are so right!

Remember those controversial Calvin Klein commercials from the early '80s featuring Brooke Shields? The heroin chic ads with Kate Moss from the late '90s? How about last year's commercial for Calvin Klein Secret Obsession starring Eva Mendes, which was censored by the networks? It looks like the brand is returning to the usual tricks. WWD reports the new commercial for Calvin Klein Jeans "is so provocative it initially was banned from even late-night cable TV." Conveniently, the Steven Meisel creation will now be the "main attraction" when the company's new e-commerce site debuts on Friday. You can take a peek at the "banned" commercial below, but don't expect to see anything racier than what you'd find on your run-of-the-mill MTV reality show.

Retarded but well-meaning lettuce group PETA doesn't even make ads to actually run on TV; they make ads to be rejected by TV networks, which gets them lots of sweet free publicity, like this.

Have you noticed lately on your television that there are a stunning number of crappy infomercial-quality ads running during prime time? That is because the fancy advertisers are broke. We live in Snuggie's world now.

Ty, Inc. likely hoped controversy would stoke sales of its Sasha and Malia dolls, preposterously claimed unrelated to the president's daughters. But the company overshot: you do not cross the First Lady.

Why would you think that? Ty Inc., creator of the Beanie Babies, just happened to pick those names, since they are "beautiful." Here, let the flack sort this out for you:

Ayelet Waldman, the writer and the overadoring and slightly stalky wife of Michael Chabon, emailed a lengthy account of the couple's AAA-list adventure at Barack Obama's inauguration. To 5,000 less awesome people.

In your pleasant Thursday media column: Jay Mariotti is an asshole, Teens can't read, checks are bouncing, and more:

Kenneth Cole Billboard Pays Tribute to US Airways Flight 1549 [WCBS]

Ever since Vice plastered an ad on its cover that was only visible in the dark, magazines have been researching better ways to sell out. Now Esquire has made a breakthrough in invisible cover ads!

In lieu of national health insurance coverage, America offers easy access to VitaminWater. If you're ailing, simply drink the proper dye-and-micronutrient-containing beverage, and you're good! But now some liberal "public interest" lawsuit threatens it all:

If you haven't already publicly forsaken all your Facebook friends in order to earn a Whopper, it's too late. Facebook has crippled the Burger King "Whopper Sacrifice" anti-friendship widget for being too mean.