Divine Florida Gators quarterback and bona-fide Christian soldier Tim Tebow has everyone riled up about his upcoming anti-abortion Super Bowl ad. The arguing's unnecessary. You're only hurting yourself, Timmy. America's not ready for a Jesus Freak Superstar.

The internet is basically a place where you get free cat pictures in exchange for shadowy Big Brother-style ad conglomerates harvesting every bit of data about you and using it to psychologically manipulate you into rampant consumerism. Now, with disclosure!

Desperate colleges are now sending out applications with the info all filled in—all you do is sign! No essay or application fee required! This way they guarantee themselves first crack at America's laziest illiterates who can pay tuition. [NYT]

Today in our occasional series of Reporters Gamely Trying to Do Other Things and Failing Miserably, For Journalism: Ad Age's Larry Dobrow tried out for a TV pitchman job. Good enthusiasm! Just makes you miss Billy Mays that much more.

Those really annoying trucks that drive around, clog up city streets, and serve no other purpose than to expose you to some dumb ad? They're getting an upgrade. Taking a cue from those horrific RVs that Lubavitch Jews use to proselytize with, the "mobile billboards" will soon blast music as they drive around town.

Ad Age has a fascinating story on how some online Pampers dead-enders have "jammed Pampers.com with negative reviews" about P&G's new super pee-absorbing diaper brand, imperiling the company's painstaking multimillion-dollar marketing campaign. Sample comment from a Pampers dissenter, below.

The glasses face-tattoo dude was a Ray-Ban viral ad. Still hope the tattoo was real.

UPDATE: Joe Revitte from Dollar Van Demos sent this note telling his side of the story.

Haha: Some ad design person put some top secret work he'd done for Ocean Spray on his own personal portfolio website, leading to this comically threatening phone call from an Ocean Spray corporate enforcer. Listen to it at Agency Spy.

It is the new year which means it's time for you to go on an unsuccessful diet, America! Let us survey the landscape of sure-to-fail fitness ideas rolling out (ha) soon. Select a few and promptly abandon them!

Condé Nast may start sullying itself by licensing its fancy magazine brand names for dreaded "brand extensions" to raise extra cash. Go big, we say! Click through for seven Condé Nast brand extensions that will really work.

• You may not be able to tune into Fox as of tomorrow. The feud between News Corp. and Time Warner Cable has yet to be resolved, and if a deal isn't reached in the next day, you'll have to go elsewhere for your Simpsons reruns. [THR]
• There was no Christmas miracle for Harvey and Bob Weinstein this year. With Nine underperforming at the box office since its release two weeks ago, the brothers are now on the hunt for more cash to stay solvent. [Reuters, NYP]
• Condé Nast's war on the mystery hackers who managed to infiltrate the company's computer system in recent months is intensifying. [NYP]
• Remember when magazine readers would write letters to the editor? It turns out it isn't the most popular communication channel these days. [WWD]
• Susan Boyle is still No. 1 on the music charts. Well done, America. [EW]
• Sex doesn't sell when it comes to marketing movies. Allegedly. [CNN]

Well well, if it isn't the Federal Trade Commission, deciding now—after all American children have already starred on 'The Biggest Loser'—that there should be some rules about marketing unhealthy foods to kids. What foods? You will be amazed!

If you're an American, Burger King offers you The Subservient Chicken: Some dude in a chicken outfit who does what you say. If you're British, BK offers you The Subservient Shower Girl. Her turn-ons: Voyeurs, and guys with Whopper bellies.

Funny little thing that Tiger Woods would probably get a chuckle out of, if he wasn't in such a bad mood these days: The more we see Tiger's face on TV, the less we see him in TV commercials. Relief!

If you love the fact that local Chinese restaurants shove dozens of menus under your door every day, you're going to be overjoyed by J&R's new marketing campaign. The electronics giant is printing up fake menus advertising its same-day delivery service which it's planning to distribute by having them placed under the doors of unsuspecting New Yorkers. Let's hope this doesn't start a trend. [Copyranter]

We like to "jest" with the advertising industry about how stupid and evil they are, but the truth is that marketing is not easy. Today in Fuzzy Public Outrage: Dolls are racist, and soap bubbles are rapists.

When you hear "AOL," you think of the dial-up Internet service that your elderly aunt still uses, right? Prepare for all of that to change! Now that AOL is being spun off by Time Warner, it's developed a new logo, dropping the all-caps and going with "Aol." which, in case you missed it, tacks on a period after the letters. America's perceptions will shift in no time! [PaidContent, WSJ/Digits]

Because he's the embodiment of healthy living and good nutrition, Donald Trump is getting into the vitamin business. He isn't selling any vitamins though. It's a multi-level marketing scheme, which means Trump will be making money by getting other people to pay him for the right to sell Trump-branded (and gold-colored?) vitamins.

Sometimes in the movie business you have to work hard for your publicity and sometimes you can just let the world know the buffet is open and start serving.