This is the greatest moment in corporate branding since the Pepsi logo was revealed to be the entire universe. [PostSecret]

The amazing process of creating the marketing phrase "Strawberry Flavored Juice Drink Blend."

The tabloids love the sexy nude people parading in front of the windows of the Standard Hotel overlooking the High Line (an 8.5 on the Post Shamelessness Scale, btw). Now, the guests are trying to rape the housekeepers. Evolution.

Kindly Kellogg marketers have agreed to take the big huge banner that says "Helps your child's IMMUNITY" off boxes of Cocoa Krispies, but that doesn't mean that Cocoa Krispies is not basically superhealthy vitamins, for your family!

Google is trying to break into the music business. But the squeaky-clean company is aiming at a very grungy market, as Oscar de la Renta-wearing VP Marissa Mayer discovered during a recent — ultimately contentious — radio appearance.

• The Wall Street Journal has the Times in its sights. The paper is hiring a dozen reporters to cover local news and will launch a NYC edition next year. [NYT]
• As expected, a big round of layoffs at Time Inc. is underway. [Gawker, NYT]
• Harvey and Bob Weinstein may be looking to buy back the Miramax name from Disney now that it's being disbanded. That's the rumor anyway. [Wrap]
• Bloomberg plans to make BusinessWeek "bigger, glossier, and more international." Oh, and it may start charging for access to the BW site. [MW]
• The Oscars will have two hosts: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. [LAT]

Schlitz-grasping cargo short sporter Tucker Max has finally figured out why his movie, Penis in a Beer Cozy, was a financial failure.

You people always have something slick to say about our ads. You think you're so fucking smart? You figure out the ads, then. We'll just sit here while you work for free. Uh, we mean...Do the Dewmocracy™!

Procter & Gamble is bravely helping women in Singapore overcome the cultural taboo associated with menstruation. Its marketing campaign empowers women to understand that periods are nothing to be ashamed of. That's why they named their product "Whisper." [WSJ]

American Apparel ads raise unimportant questions: Can they get banned in the UK again, on purpose? Are buttocks economically superior to cocksuckers? And why are these fishnetty things everywhere now? Don't neglect your local sex shop. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge]

Microblogging might seem straightforward enough to your typical Silicon Valley office drone. But Hollywood superstars are used to things coming a bit easier in life. And PR firms like Santa Monica-based Id are ready to hold their hands on Twitter, Nicole LaPorte (disclaimer: the long-suffering wife of Gawker's Richard Rushfield) writes at the Daily Beast, and help bolster their image, or at least not wreck it.

Sometimes you just want to grab The American Consumer about the shoulders, and shake him, and yell: "Hey, stop being such a sucker!" Because...OMG a fuzzy wuzzy baby seal! I must buy so much Dawn® brand product, or he dies.

Goody, Kiehl's has put up one of those "Make Your Own" cartoon websites, which is always a bad idea, PR-wise. Weird that this was the default text though, right? [via Adfreak]

Were you aware that Bob Dylan is releasing a Christmas album next month? The story gets even stranger today. It seems Dylan has now inked a deal with the America's most troubled financial institution to help market it:

We know you luv Starbucks. But Starbucks has problems. McDonald's is stealing its customers. Iconic stores are shutting down. Teenagers are planting bombs, workers are slowing down, and management's flirting with Communism. Today, Starbuck's salvation arrives: instant coffee. Uh, lowbrow.

Martha Stewart is inviting bloggers with iPhones and laptops into her studio audience. If it's an odd move for the notorious control freak, it's also a recipe for free publicity — and awful television.

The Home Shopping Network is a 24/7 ad for various useless crap. But is one single nonstop layer of ads enough, for consumers to learn about various pieces of crap? Or maybe could they put some ads in those ads?

America's biggest tobacco companies voluntarily stopped advertising cigarettes in magazines, because they care about you, the tobacco consumer. But hey, have you tried this new "Snus?" Try it, in your mouth! Check out the magazine ad for it!

There is nothing—nothing—more American than McDonald's. So would weird, less-American competitors please stop trying to overtake McDonald's dominance? Soon, Subway will have more stores than McD's. What pansy message does this send to the world? Americans eat cucumbers?!?