Two Brooklynites designed mock Band-Aids for the iPhone 4's fussy external antenna, and sell them using Apple-grade hype: The Antenn-Aid is as revolutionary as Ben Franklin, with "world-class adhesion" and "colors you can see with the human retina." SOLD. [Bits]

Incredibly vain parents are actually buying Huggies horrible denim diapers, so much so the brand regained the market share they recently lost to Pampers. This can only mean one thing: diaper war.

America's Cafeteria, McDonald's, is making obscene amounts of money selling its McCafé coffee simulacrum, and has plans to make even more obscene amounts on its new beverages. But first McDonald's must demystify this odd product, the "smoothie."

Fresh on the heels of its massively successful "Our pizza sucked so bad, but not any more" ad campaign, Domino's is back with a new promotion: "Our ads are super fake, as well." What about the awful desserts, though? [Adfreak]

Astoundingly massive and omniscient consumer products corporation P&G knows that you, the consumer, are more worried about "bad hair days" than about war, recession, and workplace rape, combined. So P&G hair scientists are killing bad hair dead. With science!

Whoa whoa, product placement spending—the money that ensures that your TV shows, movies, video games, and every other damn thing feature lots of real quality car and soda brands—actually fell last year. But there's good news, brand fans!

First, the NYC subways rolled out relatively small ads on the outside (and inside) of train cars. In addition to ads on all other MTA property. Now: the first-ever full-train subway ad is here. Get used to it. [NYCtheblog; Pics]

The New York Times: brave enough to write a story about "China's Taste For Nuts," but too timid to laugh about it. Shame.

Kids these days love onions, thanks to Shrek. Hm.

McDonald's saw you, the consumer, purchasing coffee at Starbucks. Therefore , McDonald's introduced its own coffee-like beverages to lure you, the consumer, back into McDonalds. It's all part of a grand plan: McDonald's will soon be the only beverage purveyor left.

Men are forsaking strippers in favor of suckling pigs at their bachelor parties. Minivans are now supposed to be "macho." Social scientists say that men are "redefining success." Yea, redefining it to suck.

Are men capable of dealing with a child's poop? Despite strong warnings from wise men that only women have the inborn baby poop-handling gene, Pampers is now trying to pawn off its dirty product on fathers. They're not doing well.

Somewhere deep within our evolutionary mitochondria is a tiny strand of genetic material that makes us slaves to the sultry sounds of a singing fish. Scientists call this the "stupid gene." [Adfreak; Previously]

The New Yorker's marketing team sent out an email this morning urging subscribers to "Kick Start Your Weight Loss with Duke Diet & Fitness Center." Well. I. Never. How many pullups can you do, David Remnick? [Chic Report]

Sure, there are ads on TV and at school and on subways and in the bathroom and in elevators and on stray cats. But once you reach the store, will you remember those eleventy billion ads? Enter: in-store teevee ads.

The marketing of glucosamine supplements that magically heal arthritis: bullshit. Add it to the list.

Ask a parent to name the harshest war in which Americans are currently engaged,and most will say "The war against Pampers™ Dry Max diapers. My baby's poor bottom!" The P&G corporation is now ready to win the war. Harshly.

Starbucks, of late, has been relentlessly hobo-fying itself in order to attract the rubes and bumpkins who flock to America's finest coffee house, McDonald's. Hey rubes: now you can look at Miley Cyrus upskirt pix free, while drinking caffeine sugar!

Are you an up-and-coming young musician looking to "make it" in the shoddy remains of the "music industry?" Well I hope you rap very much about McDonald's, Pepsi, and/ or Coca-Cola, the only remaining entities who can "discover artists."

Who's shilling vodka these days? Bruce Willis, as well as Spike Lee. Also, ad agencies can't find enough "creatives," and all the "creatives" that they have are stereotypical pricks. These things are all related, if you think about it.