Pom, the maker of wildly expensive pomegranate juice products, is suing the Federal Trade Commission for infringing on Pom's First Amendment right to tell you, the consumer, any old thing about how great pomegranate juice is.

Newt Gingrich is preparing for Armageddon and he suggests you do, too, by purchasing his new movie America At Risk (just $19.95, plus $4 shipping). "This is the end of times. This is the final struggle," the film warns.

Everyone's familiar with how businesses use our personal information to deliver targeted advertising online. But new developments in predictive analysis goes far beyond that, allowing companies to use thousands of points of data to make startlingly specific assumptions about customers.

Oh, ho: How much do you really like that attractive man in the Old Spice ads? Yes, Isaiah Mustafa's twelve billion-ad onslaught did boost sales. But further review shows you only loved him for his coupon!

Pepsi cola has already been revealed to be the pinnacle of the entire universe. But that has not resulted in Pepsi's "Max" chemical product beating Coke's similar chemical product in market share. Solution? War.

The Last Exorcism comes out later this month, but the movie already has tons of online buzz, thanks to a genius marketing campaign involving a hot girl, unsuspecting teenage boys on Chatroulette, and the scariest bait-and-switch trick ever. Video inside.

The good people at the Unilever corporation are using their scientific expertise to assist you, the 18-24 year-old male, with mating. Do you have a desire to mate? An Axe™ product may be useful in your mating quest.

CBS's corporate advertainment show Undercover Boss was wildly successful at making propaganda palatable and, indeed, superficially desirable. Now, CBS is ordering up a companion series. But will it also help workers internalize a self-destructive dynamic? Oh you bet!

Here in America, product placement is an unstoppable commercial machine that will only continue to insert brand advertisements into ever more ridiculous niches. In Europe, though, they're awfully conflicted; they'll allow product placement, but only by making it awkward.

Cemeteries used to be a popular place for lovers to stroll and tourists to take in the rolling hills. Now, they're mostly a storage place for Grandma. But some forward-thinking cemeteries are hosting fun events for living people.

A tipster in Midtown today spotted this moving ad for billionaire heiress/aspiring pop star Emma Lasry's hot new single, "Closet Bitch." We know you can afford a little more for graphic design, Emma. Come on now. Another pic below.

Do a million great ads offset a crappy product? Not quite.

Like all magazines, New Scientist is desperate for any gimmick to attract slackjawed readers from our increasingly video game-addled society of functional illiterates. NS's idea: "neuro-marketing" to design an irresistible cover. The incontrovertible findings: human brains are quite dumb.

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is the most famous breast cancer charity in the world. They've helped so many people. Everyone except other charities. Susan Komen will cut a bitch for wearing the wrong colors.

Vice long ago morphed from a magazine about dirty hipster shit into a Corporation, which sells Cool. The fact that Vice is often referred to as "hip" is a dead giveaway of its clients lackluster levels of coolness.

When Conde Nast announced early this year that it would be pursuing "brand extensions" to try to scare up some cash, we took it as a joke. But it's all too real! A cafe...named for GQ...in Istanbul? Sure, why not?

In the last three years, the ranks of the American obese have grown by 2.4 million people. This, despite greater access to magical butt-toning shoes than ever before. If only there were another corporate behemoth to motivate us, technomagically?

A bunch of BP gas station owners are trying to revert back to the Amoco name, which was bought by BP, hoping to attract customers as some stations have seen a 40 percent drop in sales since the oil spill.

America is a nation in need of healing. But no healing shall be had. Because two of our most important toothpaste manufacturers are locked in legal battle to the death over the future of nurdles. Nurdles on packages. Toothpaste packages.

Though we would all like to think that saturation-style ad campaigns which blanket the media to the point that they begin to annoy even casual viewers would not lead to business success, alas, sometimes they do. Old Spice man. Yes.