The man just can't go a day without saying something annoying. Also today: You actually might get invited to the Wedding of the Century, Kim Kardashian is totally doing things, and an in-depth analysis of the Bristol Palin affair.
Angelina picks a fight with rowdy teens. Capri Anderson picks a fight with Charlie Sheen. And a Nazi (at least, a guy who played one) picks a fight with Oprah. Saturday gossip will get you kicked out of the mall.
It just is. Deal with it. Also today: Yet another show ripped from the Twitter headlines, Kate Beckinsale continues her odd career, Johnny Galecki is moving into the big time, and Darren Aronofsky is moving out of it.
Elin Nordegren gives her first and last interview. Lindsay Lohan is freed from rehab. Heidi Montag wants her old boobs back, but not before she sells her sex tape. Wednesday gossip declares its independence.
Well, more porn. And they need Mark Wahlberg's help. Also today: Glee gets totally rejected for once, Idris Elba has a scary new part, USA loves to renew its shows, and an important film is a success.
Mary-Kate Olsen describes her childhood act as "little monkey performers." The Beach Boys threaten to sue Katy Perry. Lily Allen is pregnant. Enrique Iglesias waterskis naked. Maddox and Pax call their nanny "mom." Thursday gossip's problems go back to childhood.
After suffering through another Will Ferrell bomb session during the ESPY's, Marky Mark steps up to the mic to deliver his sexist, awkward ramblings. Easily the most uncomfortable moment of the night.
• This is going to come as a big shock to you, we're sure, but it seems Alex Rodriguez has been hooking up with several women since splitting up with Kate Hudson. A-Rod also "keeps bragging that Madonna is still texting him all the time," although for Madonna's sake, let's hope that isn't true. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie has been dropped as the face of the clothing brand St. John in favor of red-headed model (and the wife of Jack White) Karen Elson. Why the change? It seems St. John concluded that Jolie was too famous and had "overshadowed the brand." [NYDN]
• Related: Did Brad Pitt deal weed in college? No, but he kind of looks like he may have what with that scraggly beard he's been sporting recently. [NYP]
• Usher had more than $1 million in jewelry, furs, and electronics stolen from his SUV in mid-December. Exactly why he had all this stuff stored in his car of all places—and why he only noticed now—is unclear. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila was set to be interviewed on Larry King Live, but CNN yanked the "Casey Johnson tribute" at the last minute. Did the network realize giving a mentally-ill publicity addict was a bad idea? (Unlikely; the Balloon Boy dad was a guest the other night.) Maybe CNN worried about getting sued? Who knows, but you can always go to Twitter (where she's tweeted about Johnson's death more than 160 times over the past week), or go to People's website for your "Tila Tequila exclusive interview," if you must. [TMZ, E!, People]
• Did you hear the story that made the rounds yesterday about how Tiger Woods' wife Elin whacked the golf champ in the face with a 9-iron after she discovered text messages from Rachel Uchitel, and the injuries he sustained in the aftermath (a fractured cheekbone, two cracked teeth) forced him to fly to Phoenix to have reconstructive surgery and explains why he's been out of public sight all this time? It probably isn't true, unfortunately, but it sure is an entertaining tale, isn't it? Also not true: The dubious reports that Tiger Woods has gone to rehab or is now shacking up with Rachel Uchitel, the later of which you can credit Uchitel herself with spreading as she desperately tries to cling to the spotlight. [DM, P6]
• Joe Halderman, the man accused of extorting David Letterman, has come up with a new—and very creative—defense. In a new court filing, his lawyer argues that if it isn't a crime for Tiger Woods' mistresses to seek payouts to keep their mouths shut, Halderman's attempt to get the TV host to pay him to stay silent about Letterman's flings shouldn't be a crime either. [NYDN]
• In addition to all the other horrible stuff he's accused of, Michael Lohan's ex-fiancée Erin Muller says he once beat her with a stilletto heel and "put a lit cigarette out on her scalp," too. Lohan's lawyer claims Muller is making it all up. And Michael himself has taken to Twitter to accuse Muller of drug abuse and incest. Because he's classy like that. [P6, TMZ, Twitter]
• Susan Sarandon was spotted sharing crepes with a younger guy at 2am in the Village the other night, but it wasn't Jonathan Bricklin, her ping-pong club business partner and supposed man-friend, alas. [NYDN]
