Lady Gaga L-O-V-E-S SuBo but worries about the Hairy Angel diluting her brand. Madonna messes up a Malawian orphanage. Sarandon robs the cradle. Mark Wahlberg bitches about his neighbors the Beckhams. Wednesday gossip, fresh 'n' juicy.

You may have noticed that tonight's SNL was slightly gay. So, what better way to up the testosterone level than with another "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" sketch? This time, it was Christmas animals. And it was hilarious.

John Mayer making a girl's wildest dreams come true on the streets of Soho ... Lindsay Lohan arriving at JFK ... Katie Holmes shopping with daughter Suri and stepdaughter Isabella ... Jon Gosselin leaving an office building and heading to Cosi for breakfast ... Mark Wahlberg watching a Knicks game ... Zac Efron heading into Sarabeth's on Central Park South ... Josh Duhamel arriving at JFK ... Michael Douglas walking to the set of Wall Street 2 ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts walking their dog ... Matt Damon carrying a cup of coffee on the set of The Adjustment Bureau ... Christy Turlington picking up daughter Grace from school ... ... Susan Boyle getting in an SUV outside her hotel ... and Rihanna waiting for her car outside JFK.

• Is disgraced publicist Ali Wise the latest addition to the cast of Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show? Possibly! Wise apparently wants people to know "she's still out on the scene and doing fine" and taped an appearance at the opening of pal Stacey Bendet's new store last week. And she's expected to turn up in other episodes of the show. Let's just hope that Wise—who allegedly stalked women her ex dated—and the Tinz don't clash over any German princes or former American Idol contestants, or things could get ugly. [NYDN]
• In case you were worried that Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were going through a rough patch, you can stop stressing. They celebrated her birthday at a club in the meatpacking district over the weekend and reportedly "looked very much in love all night." [P6]
• Penelope Cruise still hasn't confirmed whether or not she's engaged to Javier Bardem, but she's been shopping for a wedding dress recently, at least according to In Touch magazine's "sources." [In Touch via NYDN]
• Agyness Deyn's super-short hair is her signature, but it has its downsides, too, it seems. A woman propositioned the Brit model at a party the other night. Deyn "politely turned her down." [P6]

Lindsay and Dina Lohan are pissed. Stephen Marbury: pussy. Nic Cage: broke. Carly Simon wants to know where the Doritos are. Jon Gosselin has "mantrums." Happy Hangover Day. I can't feel my face. Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Matthew McConaughey leaving the Mandarin Oriental Hotel to head to Central Park to go jogging ... Matt Damon and wife Luciana having lunch yesterday at Sant Ambroeus ... Helena Christensen walking in the West Village ... Dustin Hoffman talking on his cell phone ... Julianne Moore walking around in the Village ... ... Michelle Williams taking daughter Matilda to school in Brooklyn ... Mark Wahlberg hanging out on the set of The Other Guys downtown ... Sienna Miller walking her dog in SoHo and later getting iced coffee from Green Symphony on West 43rd Street ... and Kurt Russell walking uptown in his Yankee cap.

• Lindsay Lohan may be into boys again, at least according to the Sun, since she supposedly spent the night with a male model who she'd been seen making out with the night before and later posted a picture of her new conquest on Twitter. Whether this is a make-Sam-jealous ploy or true love is hard to say, but rest assured her dad will probably weigh in on the matter by the end of the day. [Sun]
• A brazen jewelry thief busted into Amanda Peet's Tribeca loft on Wednesday and said, "What up, bitch? I live here" to Peet's assistant when she happened to walk in on the guy. He quickly fled, but let's hope she got out a "What up, mo fo?" before he was out of earshot. [P6]
• Jessica Simpson likes "spiritual," "artistic" and "intellectual" men because she "can bore out pretty easily." And now it's totally clear why her relationship with Tony Romo didn't work out. [Extra, People]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs says he's been receiving threatening phone calls and his house was shot at due to his views on immigration. But police don't have any any record that he's reported threats in the past and they think the shot was fired by a hunter. So, per usual, Dobbs is probably just full of crap. [P6]
• Michael Jackson's dad says his son is "worth more dead than when he was alive." The world already knew that was the way he felt, of course. But no one was expecting him to come right out and say it. [NYP]

Mischa Barton shopping downtown before heading to the gym ... Catherine Zeta-Jones crossing the street on the Upper East Side ... Christina Milian leaving her hotel ... Hugh Jackman walking daughter Ava to school ... Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves arriving at JFK ... Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg hanging out on the set of The Other Guys ... Michelle Williams walking daughter Matilda to school ... the singer Monica sitting in an SUV outside her hotel in Midtown ... Shakira standing in front of the Plaza Hotel ... and Sienna Miller walking her dog downtown.

Penelope Cruz leaving her hotel ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking to the set of Sex and the City 2 ... Hugh Jackman getting out of an SUV in front of his apartment building ... Alicia Silverstone leaving the CW studios in Midtown ... Tyra Banks posing for a photo shoot on Fifth Avenue ... Elizabeth Hurley walking out of her hotel ... Mark Wahlberg hanging out on the set of The Other Guys ... Glee's Cory Monteith and Lea Michele leaving the Brooks Aktinson Theater ... Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt getting out of an car ... and Sienna Miller leaving the American Airlines Theater in Times Square after a performance of After Miss Julie.

Kate Hudson heading to lunch at Serafina ... Julianne Moore walking to a post office in the West Village ... Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell shooting scenes for The Other Guys ... Taylor Momsen walking downtown ... Lady Gaga going into a hotel ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the Village ... Madonna arriving for an appearance on the Late Show with Dave Letterman ... Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan filming scenes for Wall Street 2 ... Kelly Rutherford standing on the set of Gossip Girl in Chinatown ... and Sienna Miller heading home after a performance of After Miss Julie on Broadway.

Kate Winslet walking in the meatpacking district with her son ... Donna Karan eating lunch outside with a friend in SoHo ... Jon Stewart walking with his wife and son in Tribeca ... Mischa Barton running errands with her dog ... Brad Pitt with son Maddox catching a flight at JFK ... Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg shooting scenes for The Other Guys in Chinatown ... Gerard Butler walking downtown ... David Byrne riding his bike near the West Side Highway ... Model Kara Young walking home from the gym in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving the Serge Normant Hair Salon in the meatpacking district, and later arriving at Barbra Streisand's performance at the Village Vanguard ... Clive Owen walking with a friend in SoHo ... and Jay-Z leaving dinner with a bunch of bodyguards.

Rihanna catching a flight at JFK ... Queen Rania of Jordan leaving Harry Cipriani on Fifth Avenue ... John Legend in SoHo eating lunch outside with girlfriend Chrissy Teigene ... Jessica Szohr hanging out on the Gossip Girl set downtown ... Jude Law signing autographs outside his Broadway show ... Kirsten Dunst walking around ... Tess Kartel filming scenes for The Other Guys in Midtown while Mark Wahlberg was shooting his own scenes nearby ... America Ferrera shooting scenes for Ugly Betty ... and Jennifer Aniston leaving Monkey Bar.

• George Michael is back in the news and, as usual, it has nothing to do with his music. The singer was arrested on Friday for driving drunk when he crashed his car into a truck. Michael, however, is insisting he was sober at the time. So maybe he's just a bad driver? [NYDN, E!]
• Is Joe Simpson trying to push the producers of American Idol to hire Jessica Simpson to replace Paula Abdul? That's the rumor. [P6]
• Amy Winehouse's soon-to-be ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil says the singer has been "begging him to get back together." Uh oh. [DM]
• Beyoncé has been brushing up on her dance skills by "secretly" enrolling in ballet lessons at the Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [NYDN]

• An Italian photographer is accusing Naomi Campbell of sending him to the hospital after she allegedly clobbered him with her handbag and scratched his eye with her nails. Naturally, this sort of behavior is totally unlike Campbell and couldn't possibly be true. [Daily Mail]
• Billy Joel is supposedly "completely distraught" over his breakup with Katie Lee Joel and is now trying to "rekindle the relationship." [P6]
• It looks like Mischa Barton is recovering nicely. She's "smiling again," according to the Sun. And Vanity Fair reports she made her "first appearance on the city’s social circuit" last night. [Sun, VF]

Jessica Simpson's breakup was caused by her idolatry of a plastic toy. Amy Winehouse has fun adventures with a private dick. Lindsay Lohan's employed, Saved By The Bell, Charles Manson, Mary Cheney, and more. Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Suze Orman turns 58 today. Billionaire financier Pete Peterson is turning 83. Teen Vogue editor Amy Astley is 42. Post columnist Andrea Peyser is turning 50. Journalist Bill Moyers is 75. Mark Wahlberg is turning 38. Pete Wentz is 30. Author Chuck Klosterman is 37. Comedian Jeff Garlin is 46. Laurie Anderson, the musician and wife of Lou Reed, is 62. Actor Ron Livingston is turning 42. Art advisor Kim Heirston turns 46. Housing Works president Charles King is 50. Kristin Gore, the author and daughter of Al Gore, turns 32. Movie producer Kathleen Kennedy is 56. And Kenny G celebrates his 53rd birthday today. Weekend birthdays below:

Mark Wahlberg finally gets to fight. Jenny Bicks is a writer you should be jealous of. People love a good real-life murder mystery, whether it's set in Aruba or Colorado. And they love Debra Messing too.

A comedy gets a major cast, an HBO movie gets majorly political. A skater gets a reality show, as do many, many fashion people. Because they're so interesting! Everyone watches TV on the internet now, especially Lost.

• Not such good news for Kanye West: He was charged with misdemeanor battery, grand theft and vandalism yesterday in connection with the fight he had with a bunch of photographers at LAX back in September. He could face up to 2 1/2 years in jail if convicted, although that's highly unlikely. And since they're not felony charges, he isn't expected to appear in court when he's arraigned on April 14. [NYDN, LAT, AP]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are supposedly planning a massive—but totally top-secret!—second wedding, just in time for their one-year anniversary in April. But please don't tell anyone. [In Touch]
• James Franco is having a hard time moving around the Columbia University campus now that so many of his fans have figured out his class schedule. [P6]
• John Mayer's rep says he is not writing a tell-all book about Jennifer Aniston, despite what you may have read in Star. [MSNBC]

Having been in the showbiz world for just a few short weeks, Brooklyner Aaron Guzikowski is living the dream. He's sold his hot suspense script Prisoners and now Mark Wahlberg's gonna star! Jealous?