• Who doesn't want to take over Tavern on the Green? A meeting of potential bidders today attracted Alan Stillman, Boathouse owner Dean Poll, Capitale's Seth Greenberg, and reps for Cipriani, Trump, and Meyer. [NYO]
• Minetta Tavern is attracting quite the crowd: Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow were there for dinner last night; Anna Wintour was in the house for lunch. How hard is it to nab a reservation? Not as hard as they'd like you to think. [TFB, GS]
• The good news/bad news about Zak Pelaccio's UWS Fatty Crab. [Eater]
• Ken Friedman is serving $0.99 drinks for the Rusty Knot's 1st bday. [TONY]
• A peek at Keste Pizza & Vino, which opens next week and will be offering classes on how to make authentic pizza. Just $4,000 for 10 sessions! [Eater]
• The owner of the Ollie's chain of Chinese restaurants has been ordered to pay $2.3 million in back pay to workers for violating wage laws. [NYDN]
• Word to the wise: celebrity chefs will make you fat! [NYDN]

• Not such good news for Kanye West: He was charged with misdemeanor battery, grand theft and vandalism yesterday in connection with the fight he had with a bunch of photographers at LAX back in September. He could face up to 2 1/2 years in jail if convicted, although that's highly unlikely. And since they're not felony charges, he isn't expected to appear in court when he's arraigned on April 14. [NYDN, LAT, AP]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are supposedly planning a massive—but totally top-secret!—second wedding, just in time for their one-year anniversary in April. But please don't tell anyone. [In Touch]
• James Franco is having a hard time moving around the Columbia University campus now that so many of his fans have figured out his class schedule. [P6]
• John Mayer's rep says he is not writing a tell-all book about Jennifer Aniston, despite what you may have read in Star. [MSNBC]

• Carson Daly has two reasons to get wasted today: It's St. Patrick's Day, of course. Plus he and his girlfriend Siri Pinter are new parents, too. [People]
• Jon Stewart's secret weapon in his rumble with Jim Cramer last week? His brother, Larry Leibowitz, is a senior exec at NYSE Euronext. [P6]
• A judge recalled Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant yesterday after seeing the proof that she hadn't stopped attending a court-ordered alcohol education class after all. Also: She hasn't checked into rehab again despite reports to the contrary. Not yet, at least. [NYDN, OK!]
• Natasha Richardson was hospitalized yesterday and is now in critical condition after a skiing accident in Montreal. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan certainly had an eventful weekend. After a judge issued a warrant for her arrest on Friday, Lindsay had a meltdown on Twitter and ended up in a fight with Sam Ronson that was so intense, the cops had to be called. It's not over yet: She's scheduled to appear in court today, although she may not show. [People, Gawker, TMZ, NYP]
• Olivia Palermo isn't making friends in her Tribeca apartment building. She strutted past the people gathered in the lobby last Thursday "completely oblivious" to the fact that one of the building's apartments was on fire. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and her trainer Tracy Anderson are having trouble finding people to pay $4,500 to join their new Tribeca gym. What a surprise. [P6]

• Did Kelly Killoren Bensimon ask her boyfriend to lie about getting beat up so she could use it as a PR ploy to "better her chances of being asked back" on Real Housewives next season? That's what her bitchy co-stars are saying as part of a PR ploy to get the attention turned back on themselves. [NYDN]
• Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder is being sued by Taylor Stein, who gave birth to his baby in 2007, for stopping child support payments. [P6]
• In an interview with Matt Lauer, Michael Phelps says he made a "bad mistake" in South Carolina, although he's still not saying what this mistake was. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan has settled the lawsuit filed by a woman whose $11,000 coat LiLo took from 1OAK last year. Also: She left her poor bodyguard stranded in Las Vegas earlier this week. [P6, P6]

MTV is using rock stars and their super-sluttiness to teach all Brazilians about safe sex. Thanks, Madonna and Mick Jagger, you sluts! And thanks to everyone you screwed, as well.

Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze taking a walk in Brooklyn ... Justin Timberlake playing basketball on a public court downtown ... Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky sitting courtside at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Julia Roberts leaving her hotel in Midtown ... Helena Christensen walking in the Village ... Beyonce shooting a video in Tribeca ... Meryl Streep reading the Times on the set of her new movie in Brooklyn ... Madonna and Jesus Luz leaving the Kabbalah Center ... Ru Paul walking in the meatpacking district ... Ice-T and Coco leaving a show at Caroline's in Times Square ... Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard arriving at the Classic Stage Company on East 13th Street ... Nelly leaving the Trump International Hotel ... Tim Robbins playing hockey in the Village ... Kiefer Sutherland leaving Kingswood in the West Village with his girlfriend, Siobhan Bonnouvrier ... Naomi Watts carrying her new baby in the meatpacking district ... and Tyra Banks leaving the Waverly Inn.

• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are married. Sort of. The couple reportedly traveled to Africa last summer to tie the knot in a secret ceremony, but the marriage isn't valid in the US since Kimora was still married to Russell Simmons at the time. But Djimon went shopping for an engagement ring last week, so they'll sort it all out soon enough. [NYDN]
• An escort who claims she serviced Eliot Spitzer has lots of details to share about the encounter, if you're feeling brave this morning. Among other things, she claims he liked to choke her during sex. [R&M]
• Jeffrey Toobin doesn't believe that he's the father of Casey Greenfield's baby, although she's asking for a paternity test to know for sure. [R&M]
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split up. Again. [People]

• Pamela Anderson hit the catwalk at Vivienne Westwood's show in Paris today. Her boob popped out of her dress at the very end, which was totally an accident, you can rest assured. [SW, HP]
• Reports from various shows at Paris Fashion Week. [WSJ, NYM, T, Telegraph]
• You can credit/blame Barack Obama's inauguration in January for the recent resurgence in fur. [WSJ]
• Michelle Obama is wearing Michael Kors for her new O cover. [Fashionista]
• Ikram Goldman, Michelle's fashion guru, is in Paris for the shows. [FWD]
• Madonna is teaming up with Ed Hardy on a new clothing line. [Mirror]
• What's it like to be Bernard Arnault, France's richest man and "arguably the most influential tastemaker in the world of luxury"? Quite nice, actually. [WSJ]
• Try not to fall out of your chair—we'd hate you to get hurt—but Esquire has named Prince Charles the "best dressed man in the world." [Guardian]

• A roundup of restaurants that may close in the near future if you don't do your part and patronize them. Like soon. Thanks for your cooperation. [CS]
• One thing to look forward at Keith McNally's revamped Minetta Tavern: A $26 Black Label burger that doesn't even come with fries. For shame! [TONY]
• Frank Bruni's thoughts on tipping: Never give less than 15% unless the service is "unequivocally dismal," but 17-18% if it's "above-average." [NYT]
• Speaking of tipping, ABC News's roundup of crappy celebrity tippers includes Madonna, Mariah, Gwyneth, and sushi addict Jeremy Piven. [ABC News]
• Tahini on Third Avenue has been closed by the Department of Health. [DBTH]
• Gordon Ramsay is having some money trouble, just so you know. [Gawker]
• Despite what the Times reported three weeks ago, going out to pricey lunches at places like Michael's and the Four Seasons is chic again. Yay. [AdAge]

• If you've noticed Jennifer Aniston's hair looking even more perfect and shiny lately, it's not your imagination. She reportedly spent $50,000 to have her hairstylist accompany her around the world for the Marley & Me's premieres. [DM, P6]
• Britney Spears kicked off her first tour in five years with a concert in New Orleans last night. The early reviews have not been positive, in case you're wondering. [People, DM, MTV]
• Did Chris Brown and Rihanna secretly tie the knot at Diddy's Miami manse? That's what Star is claiming, since Rihanna is "looking for the husband-and-two-kids deal before she turns 25." [Star]
• Breaking! Oprah has adopted a new puppy! [Us]
• Jennifer Lopez borrowed $50,000 worth of jewelry to attend an event last week, but never gave it back. [P6]

In Tuesday's disturbing relationship newsdump, we learn Nadya Suleman's kids brutalize her, Rihanna's Chris Brown reunion riled her family and dinner with TomKat is as weird as you think.

• Lindsay Lohan says she wants to convert to Judaism so she can "prove her commitment" to girlfriend Sam Ronson. She even went to the great trouble of updating her Facebook status to "I'm converting." [Daily Mail, P6]
• Katie Holmes looked "gaunt and tired" at an LA restaurant over the weekend. It could just be the elaborate security precautions wearing her down: Tom's security detail insisted on "sweeping" the eatery before anyone sat down to eat. [NYDN, MSNBC]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna have left Miami for LA and are now staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The public outrage over the reconciliation continues, though. [E!, LAT, OK!, People]
• Jimmy Fallon looked a bit "awkward" and "stiff" when his talk show made its debut last night with guests Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake. [Us]

Liev Schreiber "sifting" through the trash near his Noho apartment ... Jeremy Piven walking with girlfriend Ashley Chontos in Soho ... Brad Pitt arriving at JFK to board a flight ... Brooke Shields shopping on Madison Avenue ... Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto walking around Midtown with an H&M shopping bag in hand ... Justin Timberlake walking downtown with an unidentified "female friend" ... Mariska Hargitay and her husband leaving the Nederlander Theatre on West 41st Street ... and Madonna walking in the snow with Jesus Luz.

But you won't. No one ever will. Also in the news are Chris Brown and Rihanna (for the first time ever), Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, Madonna, and Tommy-Tom Brady.

• It seems Rihanna and Chris Brown have reunited: The two have been holed up at Diddy's Star Island mansion since late last week and are now "focusing on a reconciliation." Not surprisingly, fans have been a little bit dismayed by the news. [NYDN, People, Reuters]
• Why didn't Katie Holmes walk the red carpet at the Oscars? She's on an "intense detox diet" that has left her "lethargic," poor thing. [NYDN]
• Sumner Redstone is reportedly dating a former flight attendant who is six decades his junior. [R&M]

They're off again: Looks like those reports that Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together might not be so solid. Perez has got Brown cavorting with a Kardashian. (Say it realfast three times.)

• Is Madonna's relationship with Jesus Luz purely platonic? The two are "quite close and cuddly, but not exactly romantic," and Jesus was spotted at a Kabbalah service "playing around more with Rocco than paying attention to Madonna," which can't be a good sign. [E!]
• Did marrying Tom Cruise ruin Katie Holmes' chances of ever having a movie career? Is Tom's sister secretly handling his PR even though she pretends to just be his assistant? So many questions! [Fox 411, P6]
• Amy Winehouse's estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil was released from jail yesterday. [The Sun]
• Martha Stewart's old friend Sam Waksal is now out of a halfway house and "ready to get back to work trying to find a cure for cancer." [NYDN]

This is probably going to come as a complete surprise, but some people are now suggesting that Madonna may have actually had a little work in the weeks leading up to the Academy Awards last Sunday. Shocking, isn't it? Next thing you know she's going to start running around town with a 22-year-old Brazilian model or something!

• Andre Balazs and Sharon Stone were seen cuddling on a couch "all night" at the Oscar party at Guy Oseary's home on Sunday, and looked like they "couldn't have been more into each other." We're beginning to sense a pattern here, how about you? [NYDN]
• Newlyweds Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo are expecting a baby. [P6]
• Jeremy Piven will make his case in front of an Actors' Equity panel tomorrow and offer proof it was mercury poisoning that forced him to drop out of Speed-the-Plow. Good luck with that. [NYP]
• Warren Beatty supposedly wants Lindsay Lohan to star in his new movie, but only if she moves in with him and Annette Bening during filming. [Fox411]
• Chris Brown has started taking anger management classes. He's also had to hire bodyguards because he says he now fears for his safety. [NYDN, InTouch]