Jennifer Tapper, wife of ABC White House correspondent Jake Tapper, has given her husband the best gift of all for Valentine's Day: She joined Twitter. And tweeted at him. It is the love story of our time.

It began as a simple racial slur by a white frat boy at the University of Alabama. But over the past week, college-based racism in America has snowballed into a certifiable trend. Observe:

Michelle and Barack Obama's marriage shines like a beacon of hope across our divorce-strewn land. If they can keep it together through grueling elections and harrowing national crises, surely the rest of us can. Now Michelle is spilling the secret to the super-strong love cement that holds them together just in time for Valentine's Day—her Guaranteed Love Cure for Couples. Misery, Begone!

Single on Valentine's Day? Instead of complaining loudly and publicly or going to some kind of stupid themed singles event, you should take a trip to Malaysia or Russia, where religious authorities are attempting to crack down on the decadent Western celebration of couples being gross with each other.

This is a story about a famous quarterback's courtship of a 17-year-old girl and the girl's conflicting emotions about fame. No one committed any crimes, as far as we know. [Deadspin]

New research on "heart-synching", the effect two hearts' magnetic fields have on each other, suggests matching heart rates can indicate love. A reporter tests the real world application of this with a heart monitor and three awkward (read: unsuccessful) dates.

New York Times editor Bill Keller is not a big Twitter guy. He only tweeted once in all of 2010. But last night—when the blues crept in on cold wintry feet—Bill reached out to his Tweeps for solace.

A Turkish man living in Germany fled to the local police station this week seeking protection from his wife, whose insatiable demands for sex have caused him to sleep on the couch for the past four years. Wacky, wacky stuff.

The 90-second message ends: ""Don't ever forget I love you, I love you so much, I love you with all my heart and I was going to ask you, don't answer, obviously you can't answer, but will you marry me?""

Fantastic news, lazy-ass men everywhere: a semi-believable new survey says that many women are physically unable to resist jumping into bed with you if you know how to press the magic button. The one that says "Send."

Bjorn van der Horst is a famous British chef who once co-owned a restaurant with Gordon Ramsay. But he's also been stiffing his ex-wife on child support. Now, he's sitting in a New York jail for it.

Donny Deutsch, the narcissistic ad man and Douche of the Decade candidate who you just can't get away from on TV, has a new show coming on Bravo that casts him as a "relationship expert." Sure, why not? [via Adfreak]

We all know that the people who make the Bachelor don't have much shame, but last night they reached a new apex. In their attempt to market Brad as a sensitive hunk looking for love and redemption, they really scored.

Leon Walker, a 33 year-old Michigan computer technician, has been charged with a felony (and faces up to five years in prison) for using his wife's password to read her email. Well, he had a damn good reason.

84-year-old Hugh Hefner is getting married to 24-year-old girlfriend Crystal Harris and, according to the old man's Twitter account: "This is the happiest Christmas weekend in memory." So that basically means it's the happiest Christmas since last Christmas, right?

Future Wasilla mayor Levi Johnston is now "in a relationship" on Facebook with 20-year-old daycare teacher Sunny Oglesby. She likes hunting and fishing and smooching Levi Johnston. Bristol Palin says she's cool with it, so we are too.

Julian Assange, the founder of the world's most notorious secret-sharing operation, has some embarrassing documents in his own past. We've obtained a series of emails detailing his stalkery courtship of a teenager in his pre-Wikileaks days.

Tabloid sex-and-xenophobia commentator Andrea Peyser is, as we all know, America's chief booster of the concept of love. So it pains her to announce that Prince William and his slutty hussy bride-to-be are headed for The Big D (divorce).

Monty Cook, a former Baltimore Sun editor, has resigned from his position at the University of North Carolina's journalism school after a mini-scandal over his sexy instant messages with a female student. Remarkably, this wasn't his first sexy G-chat incident.

Sextacular New York Post relationship consultant Andrea Peyser knows a thing or two about what men want, and she's about to hit you with some sexxxy wisdom, ladies. Rule One: don't be such a slut. She's talking to you, Maddie.