If you want to write an article that gets the people talking, one good way is to just start classifying women in random groups, related to age and hot sexxx. Hot sexxxy cheetah ladies cannot resist this delicious media bait!

We've all been there: that terrible time when the magic has gone and one realizes that they aren't really "in it to win it" anymore. If you need help deciding if your relationship is about to expire, watch this.

Congrats to Rush Limbaugh! We hear he's finally set a date get married for a fourth time—appropriately enough, it is the Fourth of July!

Turning to Craigslist in search of love: A grand American tradition! And not one deserving of mockery. Rather, let us marvel at the craft of composing a Craiglist M4W ad that excludes every woman on planet Earth. Except, perchance...you?

Sexxxy wealthy foot model Christina Ambers marrying a doorman at her fancy building: A heartwarming story of love overcoming class barriers. Finding out Ambers previously dated another doorman: What a low-class slut. Tabloid law: Unbreakable. [NYDN]

Kate Major quit her job at Star after falling in "love" with Octodad Jon Gosselin and living happily ever after for a month or so. But she didn't do it on a whim; she had the world's most comical "contract!"

Paul Janka! He's still stalking women and all their various "holes." A friendly tipster has been kind enough to share with us her recent encounter with America's skeeziest, most overaggressive pickup "artist." Get waxed, baby. This is gonna hurt.

Cindy Adams says that guests at the Jared Kushner-Ivanka Trump wedding received a "pair of small white flip-flops with the tag: 'Ivanka and Jared — what a pair.'" Fine. But what about information on valuable real estate investment opportunities?

Brigham Young researchers have found that clean, fresh smells make people act "fairer and more generous." Makes sense—New York City is essentially a noxious, rat-infested garbage barge full of venal, corrupt hustlers. Fuck you, Utah. [Science Daily]

New York Observer owner Jared Kushner finally wed Ivanka Trump this weekend. Kushner (repped by Rubenstein PR) sold the only wedding photo to the NY Post (also repped by Rubenstein). How tastelessly flacky. We have a better idea.

How quickly the internet coughs up wonderful things in this age of online romance. Here we have some fun Facebook messages between Salman Rushdie and his brand new love cookie, Harvard-educated model-lover Min Lieskovsky. Plus! Min's secret blog, "Mongol Whored."

Inexplicably (but admirably) magnetic elderly author Salman Rushdie is now out on the town with another attractive younger lady: Min Lieskovsky. Who is she? We will tell you what we know, okay?

A new study by love scientists says that married couples that do more housework together have more sex. But! Not so fast, horny chore boy.

According to Page Six, Salman Rushdie's ex-girlfriend says he's "cowardly, dysfunctional, and immature" and won't stop talking about Padma Lakshmi, the one that got away.

Conde Nast's having survival issues. Not to worry. Despite shuttering Gourmet and clearing out all the Orangina, Si's got a brand new bag: a Conde Nast dating site. We test-drove it with a profile on behalf of a certain chairman.

The Sexy Middle-Aged Man Interoffice Romance Scandal continues apace! Today in salacious pieces of information relating to David Letterman and the woman he smooched and her crazy boyfriend: A blackmail motive! Lusty letters! And a good guess at who's leaking!

"Couples therapy" psychologist violently slashes husband. You don't wish for that, but you still chuckle.

Love exists. Have a good weekend.

Time for an update on the case of Hiram Monserrate, alleged girlfriend face-slasher and one of New York's three very most objectionable political figures! Having his slash-vic on his side in court is really helping him out. Love—it's crazy.

Just trying to be a normal xenophobic American man these days means constantly fighting back against The System (ladies, etc.) telling us to buy fancy shampoo and fancy underwear, so, hey fellas, do not buy more fancy crap by choice.