The misery of Liza Minnelli stretches into yet another agonizing day. Paparazzi caught up with the living legend in West Hollywood (where else?) on Monday night, and a cameraman asked her what she thought about Ellen DeGeneres' Oscars joke at Liza's expense. ("Hello to the best Liza Minnelli impersonator I've ever seen," DeGeneres said from the stage to Minnelli in the audience during the opening monologue. "Good job, sir." The internet being the internet wondered if this was transphobic.)

J.Lo was getting dirty in public with her new 20-something boytoy. Oscar de la Hoya likes it in the butt. Bethenny Frankel's cocktail may not be as pure as she thinks. Robert Wagner thought Natalie Wood was messing around the night she died. Monday's gossip lost its virginity a long time ago.

Jen pulls an Angelina and lands a man. Selena Gomez pulls a Lohan and pleads "exhaustion." Pregnant Tori Spelling's paparazzi car crash. Liza Minnelli's fabulous yard sale. Tuesday gossip keeps its eye on the prize.

Charlie Sheen goes on a "private adult vacation" with a porn star, a stoner sex kitten, and his ex. Lindsay Lohan considers a plea deal requiring six months of jail time. Hugh Hefner sets a date for his wedding to a 24-year-old. Thursday gossip harshes the mellow.

Gay magazine The Advocate used its own formula to assemble a list of the most homotastic cities in America and published the results today. You may be shocked by which city is the gayest, and which ones don't even rank.

We've showed you before how crazy—and unpredictably entertaining—Liza Minnelli can be when making TV appearances. Courtesy fourfour's Rich Juzwiak, here's another: 10 of Minnelli's best lines from her Private Screenings interview on TCM. "Balls to you!" wins, obviously.

Tom sneaks mascara and facials behind Katie's back. Jim Carrey likes kissing Ewan McGregor. Brad Pitt's nose hair secret revealed! Gwyneth Paltrow has a filthy sense of humor. Wednesday gossip ranges from superficial to superficially sordid.

Tonight, Larry King Live was graced with the presence of the legendary Liza Minnelli—and it was a doozy. From Lady Gaga to (uncontrollable) laughter, marriages to mocking, serenades to surgeries, and more, the best video moments are inside.

Liza Minnelli was on HSN last night to hawk her jewelry line, which she started after being immobilized—and, ergo, bored—by a bum knee. Predictably, it was crazy, and luckily, fourfour's Rich Juzwiak made a highlight reel. Video inside.

Gary Coleman's wife, who pulled the plug, secretly divorced him years ago. Rob Pattinson frets about typecasting. Lindsay Lohan's cops spilled her coke on the floor. Gummi Bear returns. Thursday gossip is back from the dead.

We were too busy trying to find something to watch on TV to actually attend the Sex and the City 2 premiere. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern went in our stead. Here is her adventure.

Liza Minnelli singing "Single Ladies" in Sex and the City 2 is perhaps the gayest thing ever. The only problem: it's bad. Really bad. We can't possibly blame Liza, so who's fault is it? Someone must pay! [The Awl]

[A lovely view of the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset yesterday. It's like hearing Liza's and Sinatra's versions of "New York, New York" at the same time. Image via SpecialKRB's Flickr]

Remember that awesome Snickers commercial, starring Betty White and Abe Vigoda, that aired during the Super Bowl? Well, a new one—featuring Aretha Franklin and Liza Minnelli—is about to be rolled out. And it's good. Really good! Video, inside.

• A photographer says he plans to file a lawsuit against Lindsay Lohan after her driver "nearly killed" him in a hit-and-run accident on Sunday. The paparazzo says he's "lucky to be alive" and now plans to make sure Lindsay "goes to jail" for her crimes despite the fact LiLo wasn't even the one driving, and the photographer only injured his wrist and never even had to go to the hospital. [TMZ, NYP]
• Have Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly set a date? According to the Post, which conducted an undercover investigation last week, the couple are planning to get married in November at the Oheka Castle on Long Island, which is where Kevin Jonas got married recently. [NYP]
• Another Beyoncé concert is stirring up controversy. Less than two weeks after she got into trouble for performing for Hannibal Khadafy comes the news that residents of Trinidad are up in arms over a $1 million Beyoncé concert planned for February 18. Locals claim it will divert from the country's annual Carnival celebration. [Sun]

• Lindsay Lohan landed in India yesterday where she's taking part in a BBC documentary on child sex trafficking. And she's already making a difference! Just hours after landing, she hopped on Twitter to proclaim that "over 40 children" have been "saved so far." What she did to save these kids isn't clear (especially when she could use some saving herself), but why quibble over details? [Us]
• In other (and more dubious) LiLo news, the Daily News reports that Lohan has a new man: "Lindsay Lohan is covering all her bases before she ships off to India—and that includes kissing several boys goodbye." Given she's already left the country, you may want to ignore what follows from there, but the guy she's supposedly seeing is Adam Senn, the model and bad boy from first season of The City, who met LiLo during Fashion Week and is someone Senn is hoping to "get to know even better." [NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel broken up? Who knows, but he was supposedly seen flirting with a bunch of women the other night. [P6]
• Today in Tiger: The number of women Woods has been cheating with hit 13 yesterday afternoon, just as racy text messages that Tiger sent Jaimee Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel surfaced. In other Tiger mistress news, a video featuring porn star Holly Sampson bragging about having sex with Tiger Woods also turned up yesterday. And Uchitel is supposedly planning to get tested for STDs now that she's found out how many women Tiger has been hooking up with.

The worst meltdown of Casey Johnson's life coincides with a career high for Tila Tequila, a mysterious flower bouquet arrives at the Woods residence, and Liza Minnelli settles a $100M lawsuit for sexually assaulting her bodyguard. Thursday gossip, voila.

• Kanye West and Lady Gaga's "Fame Kills" tour has been canceled. Was it because of Kanye's little incident at the VMAs? Because tickets weren't selling? No one's saying, although the name of the tour was pretty prophetic, wasn't it? [TMZ, NYDN]
• Kate Hudson isn't a huge hit with Yankee players' wives and girlfriends: "Kate acts like she and Alex [Rodriguez] are married, and no one gets it," said a source. "It strikes them as odd, and it seems suspicious." [MSNBC]
• Lauren Conrad has admitted she can't act. Really. "I think my acting is offensive!" she says. "I'm an awful actor, I'm not super comfortable with it." This it all very true, of course. But points for honesty! [People]
• In a new series of ads for her line of leggings, 6126, Lindsay Lohan can be seen modeling with a stripper pole. Naturally. [NYDN, Daily Mail]

Being a movie star — or motherhood — makes Sarah Jessica Parker look sleepy. TLC learns its Gosselin lesson. Quentin Tarantino loves sequels. And Katy Perry teaches us the power of tit-pics. TGIF, you attractive devils! It's your gossip roundup!