• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon may have skipped the big wedding, but that doesn't mean they want to skip all the big presents. The duo has apparently registered at Bergdorf's, where they're encouraging friends to buy them fine china and expensive stemwear. [Page Six]

[Singer Lily Allen in London yesterday; image via Splash]

• Actress Jessica Alba married Cash Warren, father to the daughter she is set to give birth to this summer. The couple met on the set of Fantastic Four, where he was a director's assistant. [Rush & Molloy]

• London tabloid Daily Mail snickered at Kate Moss' bony knees during Moss' night on the town with her rocker boyfriend, but what about the frightening shot of her face at left? The tab writes, under that photo, "Kate's hard-partying ways are beginning to show on the world beauty." Or maybe it's just the tint on the limo glass? [Mail]

[All-too-catchy singer Lily Allen, who was recently defrauded by a stripper, in London yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Singer Lily Allen leaving a London nightclub last night; image via INF]

So yes, agreed, the premiere of Lily Allen's new variety show was shift-in-your-chair awkward, judging by the five-minute YouTube clip that's been circulating online. But go easy on the tiny British pop singer in your Livejournal posts or whatever, she sort of had more important things going on lately than prepping for her TV show, like dealing with a tragic miscarriage. Also, most of the "awkward" in this clip radiates from creepy internet singer Tay Zonday; Allen's unguarded enthusiasm and lack of pretension mean the show could someday embody the awesomeness for which Allen is otherwise known. Her five minutes of not-so-awful awkward:

[Alfie Allen models the latest fashions in London (after partying with Tara Reid!), Jan 7; image via Bauer-Griffin]

The Juno effect continues this morning. Yesterday Britney Spears' younger sister Jamie-Lynn (aka "the classy one") announced her pregnancy. Today Lily Allen, the diminutive and frank UK pop sensation (AKA "Amy Winehouse minus the heroin") announced she too is pregnant. Her baby daddy is one half of the Chemical Brothers, Ed Simons. One can only hope that this story, like the film, "follows the heroine...on a twisty path toward responsibility and greater self-understanding."

• Lindsay Lohan's rehab romance involved a dalliance in a stairwell, claims her new man's jilted fiancee. [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
  

• Formerly endearingly real British singer Lily Allen lost a lot of weight via hypnotism. Lame! [TMZ]
  

· Openly gay publicist Howard Bragman "adores" star client Isaiah Washington, who might have "more gay friends than I do."
· Amy Winehouse might have two functioning livers, but Lily Allen has a third nipple.
· Ah, Hollywood, where even the formerly mobbed-up can make a nice living and knock up Victoria's Secret models.
· Welcome back, Potter.

At this point we're not even sure how she does it, but Lily Allen keeps getting cooler. This time it has to do with her extraneous nipple, which she happily whips out for the world to see. Almost NSFW! [Via WWTDD]

Fairy tales can come true. It can happen to you! If you're young at heart, mind, and writing ability. At least, that's our takeaway from Park Avenue Peerage blogger James Kurisunkal's account of his meeting with socialite Tinsley Mortimer, who we call Ashley Winksdale now because that's what Lily Allen does. He journaled the moment for New York mag!

More reasons why Lily Allen is the total God of you: "I have been having a lot of lesbian dreams lately. I think I might be gay! Don't tell my boyfriend. I have guy dreams and girl dreams, but the girl dreams are much dirtier." On the 2008 election: "Al Gore's going to come in at the last minute and it's going to be Gore as president and Obama for vice-president. You can [photograph] my tits if Al Gore is not president in two year's time." On genetics: "I've got my dad's short legs and long back. My mom, my sister, and my brother all have blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm the only one like this. My sister's very tall and beautiful. But then again, I'm talented and rich." [Vulture]

There's a lot to love about Lily Allen. For starters: she basically wrote an entire album about the fact that her exboyfriend's dick is "not big" and that he never got her off. She gives us some more reasons to worship at her wacky self-hating paparazzi-punching alkie British throne by offering up some choice quotes to New Yorktoday. We learn that she is indifferent to the Hamptons and to the charms of Tinz Mortimer, 31, for whom she has coined a new nickname. "They were like, 'We'll pay you and give you a house.' So we were like, 'Alright.' I was so drunk I kept calling Tinsley 'Ashley Winksdale.'" And that's all we're ever going to call Tinsley from now on.