O.J. Simpson will try to have a 33-year sentence vacated and a new trial ordered, during hearings that are beginning this week in Las Vegas.

The 44-year-old lawyer who leaped from her eighth floor apartment with her 10-month-old son strapped to her body in a baby carrier, killing herself but cushioning the blow for the infant, who survived with just a bruise, left a 13-page handwritten suicide note in which she described her final act as "evil."

Images released today by a judicial order provide a disturbing window into the hard drive — and fantasies — of "Cannibal Cop" Gilberto Valle, the NYPD officer accused of plotting to kidnap, kill and eat a woman: a photo of a naked woman, face down, hog-tied on a pan with an apple in her mouth. Another woman, bound and tied to a spit, rotating over an open campfire. A cartoon of a guy in an apron, adding salt to a pot in which a woman is being boiled alive.

A law firm charged its client $40,000 just to compile its monthly bill, and other breathtaking legal shit.

Minnesota's Supreme Court last week barred attorney Thomas P. Lowe from practicing law for at least the next 15 months after it was revealed that he was billing a client for sex.

Consider the predicament of today's aspiring member of the white collar leisure class: all of the old ways of doing things seem to be falling apart. Law school, once the fallback of choice for lightly-motivated college educated upper middle class twentysomethings who weren't ready to face The Real World after graduation, is no longer a safe bet at all. Well, how about business school? No, no, no.

Law school enrollment has been plunging over the past two years, and with good reason. As law school deans desperately seek to assure future customers that everything is okay, one real live indebted recent law school graduate is standing up to remind his potential successors: theirs is a path towards doom.

Enlightened men know that the old system in which the top professional fields were almost completely dominated by"good old boys" simply was not tenable. I mean, the whining alone, year after year... I don't have to paint you a picture. It was just common sense to allow a few more women into the legal and medical professions. Modernization, and all that. Posing for the company "Diversity" brochure. Tending to the legal and medical problems of poopy children. Things of that nature. But, my fellow men, I'm afraid that we have grown lax. Our patronizing offer of PR-inspired pseudo-equality has been getting out of hand.

Lawrence Mitchell is the dean of Case Western Reserve University's law school, ranked #67 by US News, not that a doctor of jurisprudence like Lawrence Mitchell would concern himself with pedestrian matters such as his law school's low, low ranking. No—Lawrence Mitchell is concerned with more elevated matters, such as the wanton meanness of mean people who say mean things about law school. Have persons no respect?

On Friday night, a wasted lawyer locked herself out of her Manhattan apartment. Pretty standard stuff, right? I mean, who hasn't done that at some point? Well, what's not so standard about this particular case is the part where the lawyer hatched a convoluted drunken scheme to break-in to her own apartment via her building's garbage chute, a decision that nearly cost the woman her arm.

Rented Lamborghini? Check. Overwhelming use of AutoTune? Check. LiveStrong bracelet? Check. Toronto's Mike Lickver, recent law school grad and current mergers and acquisitions, securities and corporate finance associate at Bennett Jones, may be North America's very best living example of That Guy.

Lil rapper Lil Wayne is currently embroiled in a lawsuit against Quincy Jones III, documentary filmmaker and son of the more popular Quincy Jones.

Since the recession and the cruel pulling-out of the rug from under the notional feet of thousands of fresh-faced law school graduates who'd imagined office-bound lives of leisure in their futures, it's become quite clear to everyone that law school is for suckers. Nobody knows this better than people who run law schools. So what to do? Put themselves out of a job? Haha! No, but seriously, they can offer you a great deal on law school right now.

As the entire legal profession has crumbled into little more than a white collar version of janitorial services, times have gotten tough—not just for recent law school grads, but for everyone unfortunate enough to work at a law firm. Naturally, the days of luxurious, opulent law firm offices are over. Uh... in favor of something better!

We joke around a lot in a good-natured fashion about how recent graduates of law school are fucked up, down, and sideways. "You guys are just straight fucked," we often say (joshingly). Well—imagine our surprise when we found out that, in fact, recent graduates of law school really are fucked. Yikes! Touchy subject.

It is fortunate that the legal profession is renowned for its graceful sense of humor about its own problems, because the "new generation" of lawyers will consist only of one cute dog, because everyone else knows that going to law school would be the worst possible decision that a young adult can make except for eating that third slice of Pizza Hut's new Cheesy Bites™ pizza simulacrum. Let's check in on the depressing mire of gloom that is the legal profession and its educational antecedents, shall we?

We must admit that we will never ever tire of directing your attention to the accumulation of evidence that "law school" is, by and large, a massive fraud perpetrated upon society's most overacquisitive young driftabouts, and one whose effect is to turn out a massive class of highly indebted functionaries whose skill set is not only undeveloped to the point of worthlessness, but that, when developed, is, for the most part, detrimental to the function of justice. The fact that law school's popularity is crumbling away as the magnitude of the systemic scam becomes ever more apparent can only be taken as a redeeming ray of hope for the future of our nation's collective critical thinking skills.

In case you've forgotten, let us take this opportunity to remind you: do not go to law school. Law school is worthless. Even more worthless than you think. Law school will not make you happy. The smart kids are not going to law school. You should not go to law school.

Penn State's new president has hired notorious Washington taint sucker Lanny Davis, the former Clinton White House counsel and whiny, self-defeating media booster for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Penn State really is committed to fixing its image as the Keystone State's finest enabler of the worst thing in the world.

A bankruptcy attorney recently filed a 75-page brief with the Connecticut statewide grievance committee arguing that laws limiting relationships between lawyers and their clients are "unconstitutional." Not only that, lawyers tend to work harder for clients whom they date. Makes sense!