A new Tennessee law will make the state's sex education policies even stricter: teachers are now barred from condoning any genital contact, which is considered "gateway sexual activity."

New York. A concrete jungle where dreams are made of/oh/up. There's nothing you can't do. Including looking at child porn online— the state has just ruled that that's legal, MSNBC reports.

It's not news that the Netherlands has decided to limit legal marijuana consumption to residents, but man, a lot of us were hoping that wouldn't stick. Alas, Dutch court has ruled to uphold the law. Here's what this means for you, anyone who isn't Dutch: you can't fly to Amsterdam to get stoned in one of the city's legendary "coffee shops."

A federal judge ruled today that a mandate requiring tobacco companies to place on their products graphic images illustrating the dangers of smoking was in violation of free speech.

You probably know that today is Leap Day — but do you know when the first Leap Year was? Check out these 10 amazing, unbelievable facts about Lead Day!

Maryland, the U.S. state with the most bonkers flag, could become the eighth one to approve same-sex marriage, after its Senate voted today to approve the measure.

Good news for All The Single [Homeless] Ladies: the Manhattan state Supreme Court ruled today that, for the time being, unmarried homeless people do not have to prove they have no other housing options before entering a shelter.

Remember this disturbing video of North Koreans sobbing over Kim Jong-il's death? Shocking to think this, I know, but those people mayyyyy not have been entirely genuine in their mourning. Because, you know, the government reportedly sends people who don't weep or mourn publicly to labor-training camps.

Last week the U.S. Senate passed 93-7 a version of the National Defense Authorization Act that includes provisions giving the military the right to detain you forever and without charge if they think you're some kind of terrorist. Consider it an early holiday present! There is no exchange policy, sorry.

Wait! Before you pour maple syrup on your evening pancake stack: Are you sure that's real maple syrup and not some poisonous impostor? A Vermont senator wants to make selling fake syrup a felony, punishable by hard prison time.

All Alabama wants to do is stop the Mexicans from coming to its state and taking "the jobs nobody wants to do," by forcing visible minorities to carry proof of legal immigration status on them at all times, and also tracking the immigration status of schoolchildren (who are literally stealing education), but will the "liberal extremists" of the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals let them? Noooo!

Today is the last day that you can legally fuck an animal in Florida. At the stroke of midnight on October 1st, the Sunshine State's new anti-bestiality law goes into effect, forbidding "sexual contact" and "sexual conduct" with "animals." (So it might be illegal to have sex with other humans, too. Molds and fungi, however, are fair game.) Floridians: How do you plan to spend these precious final hours of legal bestiality?

Angry Birds enthusiasts, gather ‘round. Your dream of entering a larger than life, Angry Birds-themed world is now a reality. A theme park based on the popular cellphone videogame has opened in Changsta, a city in China's Hunan province. Now, I have never played the game in my life, but I know that there are many crazed fans out there for whom this is excellent news. Congrats, you guys, and finally!

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords returned to the House of Representatives on Monday, receiving a standing ovation and enthusiastically greeting her colleagues after casting her vote (her first since being shot in January) for the debt ceiling bill, which passed 269-161.

A new bill in Missouri effectively outlaws teachers befriending their students on Facebook. This is because the only thing adults do with kids on the internet is prey on them.

The peen protecting crusaders who brought you the anti-Semitic Aryan comic book hero "Foreskin Man" are on the verge of losing their hard-fought campaign to get an anti-circumcision bill on the city's November ballot, after San Francisco Superior Court Judge Loretta Giorgi yesterday said the proposal was "expressly preempted" by state law. From the San Francisco Chronicle's Heather Knight:

In today's little bit of authoritarianism we can get behind: Philadelphia is going to start handing out citations—and $120 fines—to pedestrians who "text while they walk without looking ahead."

Finally, Congress is doing something about those online child pornographers! The Protecting Children from Internet Pornographers Act of 2011 is supposed to save children from becoming victims of child pornography. What it actually does is let the government spy on you more easily.

The California Assembly has passed a bill that would require textbooks and history classes in schools to "include the contributions of gays, lesbians and transgender Americans." According to the bill's supporters, such a requirement would reduce the instance of anti-gay bullying, as well as paint a more accurate picture of American history; according to the bill's opponents, this bill will literally force every child to be homosexual forever, risking their places in heaven. The bill now goes to Gov. Jerry Brown's desk for either a signature or veto; Brown "has taken no public position." [LAT, image via AP]

Fresh off an unsuccessful attempt to make circumcision illegal, San Francisco has turned elsewhere for its next attempted ban: Goldfish. The Animal Control and Welfare Commission would like to ban the sale of pets in the city, even goldfish. The proposed ban seems destined to fail a vote of the Board of Supervisors (just like the ACWC's recommendation to mix birth control with birdseed to reduce the pigeon population), but we appreciate that it was put forward in the first place, because "Isn't San Francisco Wacky, Man?" stories written by non-San Franciscans are among our favorites. [SFC]