A day to celebrate for the great state of New Jersey! At long last, animal-lovers (in the Biblical sense) are no longer welcome in the Garden State.

“Stuff happens” was the dumbest and most unfortunate thing Jeb! Bush said Friday in reaction to the mass shooting at an Oregon community college one day earlier, but his fumbling attempt to clean up that mess was nearly as rife with dumbitude and non-fortune.

Just as several states now legally obligate doctors to lie to women about the dangers of abortion, Arkansas now has its own law forcing doctors to peddle bullshit. Physicians in the state will be required to tell any woman taking abortion-inducing drugs that she can reverse the process mid-treatment—a claim that's based on pretty much nothing.

Three men who tried to promote their bar on Facebook by uploading a fun picture of a Buddha wearing headphones get to spend the next two-and-a-half years locked in a Burmese prison, all thanks to their marketing plan.

America's gun conversation, to the extent that there is one, is facile, extreme and led by monied interests on both ends. The NRA is awful and the vocal anti-gun left is little better—focused on superficial answers to a culture-wide problem. Here are some reform ideas that ought to be taken seriously.

Nineteen-year-old Jacob Lavoro was arrested last month after police officers reportedly found 1.5 pounds of brownies, a pound of marijuana, digital scales, $1,675 in cash, and dozens of baggies with marijuana and hash oil at his apartment. Authorities in the case are saying he could face from five years to life in prison, if he is found guilty.

A federal judge has struck down Wisconsin's 2011 voter ID law, saying that it disproportionately burdens poor and minority voters.

If you're anything like me, your favorite movie of 2013 so far is "Amazing Helmet-Cam Video of Skydivers on One Plane When Another Plane Hits Them," followed by Olympus Has Fallen. How many planes must crash into one another triumphantly before we accept that air travelers should all be wearing parachutes?

Have no fear, all you 14-year-old virgin boys in California who find it funny to post social-media bios that say that you're "hung like a rhinosaurus [sic]" and that you "get more ass than a toilet seat." As of 2015, you will be legally guaranteed the right to delete that dumb shit before serious people who can influence your future see it!

I got my black shirt on. I got my black gloves on. I got my ski mask on. This shit's been too long. COP ANNOYER, better you than me! COP ANNOYER, fuck police tranquility!

The Supreme Court ruled today that cops may take D.N.A. from people arrested—but not convicted—for serious crimes. Even Scalia thinks this is some bullshit: "Because of today’s decision, your D.N.A. can be taken and entered into a national database if you are ever arrested, rightly or wrongly, and for whatever reason."

While waiting for bomber facts, Sen. Lindsey Graham has one hand in his pants, dreaming of domestic drones and Gitmo.

The North Dakota House passed a bill this afternoon that would define life as beginning at conception, effectively moving one step closer to banning all abortion in the state without exception for rape or incest. Approved by the state Senate last month, the bill will now go to voters as a ballot initiative. This latest restrictive measure comes only a week after North Dakota legislators approved bills that would ban abortion beyond six weeks into pregnancy and ban abortion in the case of genetic abnormality, like Downs Syndrome.

One day before Mayor Bloomberg's ban on large sugary drinks was to go in effect in New York City, New York Supreme Court Judge Milton Tingling blocked the restrictive new regulations saying they are "fraught with arbitrary and capricious consequences," reports the Wall Street Journal.

American states, counties, and cities routinely offer huge tax incentives and subsidies to private businesses in order to lure those businesses into locating themselves in a particular place. Spend a little to get a lot, the theory goes. Priming the pump of economic development, etc. The problem is that what is supposed to be spending for the public's benefit in fact benefits only private corporations. And it should be outlawed.

The New York State court of appeals isn't known for having the coolest judges in all the judicial land, but they just furthered their lame rep to new lows. In a 4-3 vote, the high-ranking court ruled that strip clubs do in fact have to pay their state sales taxes.

In 2008 I went to San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair with my then-girlfriend and saw the oddest instance of public nudity I'd ever come across. It was a guy in a mask who was naked from the waist down and sitting motionlessly in a doorway, ostensibly unperturbed by the thousands of people milling around about him. I was confused as to why someone might wear a T-shirt and socks but no pants or underwear, but the man himself didn't seem unsure of a thing. He didn't even move when another, younger man came out of the door he was obstructing, forcing the resident to quietly step over him as if he were the one doing something strange.

Everyone in California has lost their damn minds in advance of the state's foie gras ban that goes into effect this Sunday, July 1st.

On Tuesday, Californians will vote on a ballot initiative for a $1-a-pack cigarette tax. While raising cigarette taxes does discourage smoking, especially among teenagers, support for Proposition 29 has waned.

The town of Fort Lee, New Jersey, has begun issuing tickets to people caught walking and texting after some 20 people have been struck by cars since the start of 2012.