In the end, CNN Grand Inquisitor Larry King did not, as we'd briefly dared to dream, douse himself in lantern oil and set his body aflame during his much-anticipated post-incarceration exclusive with Paris Hilton, as tantalizing as the prospect must have seemed after about thirty seconds of lobbing his softballs in the heiress's direction and watching them disappear into a dead-eyed abyss.
In HER FIRST TV INTERVIEW SINCE SHE GOT OUT OF JAIL, hotel heiress Paris Hilton sat down with CNN's Larry King for a very special Larry King Live last night. The articulate, multi-talented businesswoman appeared contrite, well-prepared, and — ah, who are we kidding, it's Paris Hilton. Larry King nailed her on a Bible question. Here are some highlights.
Rather than get bogged down in rehashing how Paris Hilton's alleged $100,000 dalliance with Barbara Walters and disputed $1 million flirtation with NBC's Meredith Vieira ulitmately resulted in an unpaid chat with basic cable's most popular, semi-mummified inquisitor, we turn you over to CNN.com's Story Highlights box to get you up to speed on the venue change for the Hilton's post-jail soul-baring. She's agreed to one of Larry King's legendary softballings (set those TiVos for 6 p.m. PST Wednesday night), in which we expect the noted underpreparer to lead off the proceedings with something along the lines of, "So, Paris, I hear you've been away on vacation for a month, and everyone's angry about it for some reason. Also, didn't you recently die of an overdose in Florida? Help me out here," before nodding off for a quick nap as the reformed socialite can details her compassionate plan to open a halfway house to ease the difficult transition of other unfairly incarcerated celebrities back into their regular clubgoing routines.
The date: June 14th
The time: 8 p.m.
The place: Spring Awakening, 230 E. 49th Street
Sighted: "Last night I saw Larry King at Spring Awakening, accompanied by his incredibly tall trophy wife. The guy needs to do his roots more often, at least every two weeks, because the gray is showing and its not looking pretty."
The significance of holding last night's party to celebrate the New York Observer and its new website at the Four Seasons restaurant was intentional, obvious, and not at all lost on anyone. Despite its recent Frank Bruni demotion to two New York Times stars, the restaurant remains the symbolic and probably actual center of New York old-guard media power. After so many years of playing gadfly to the media, politics, and real estate elite of this city, the Observer and its boy-owner and his advisers chose to make a very specific sort of statement.
HEATHER Mills has been bombarded with offers of work on American TV since her success on Dancing With The Stars. Sir Paul McCartney's estranged wife has been invited to be a stand-in host on CNN's Larry King Live.
Last night, Larry King (fresh out of the hospital!) had a very special guest on his show: one-legged Heather Mills, recently committed to a season of Dancing With the Stars. Of course, Larry couldn't resist pulling out the clip from his 2002 interview with Heather, in which she very kindly removed her leg (the fake one!) for him to stroke. Fortunately, he's well aware of the cultural impact of this "historic moment."
Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams emerges from the gerontology ward this morning to bring news of a celebrity surgery: Larry King recently had a procedure to flush his arteries. Cindy, who was Larry's wet nurse when he was but a mewling infant, learns this from her former charge: "I actually never knew anything about the carotid artery. See, I take a yearly test. My doctor checked the blood flow to my brain and discovered I was over 70 percent blocked." At the very least we're talking malpractice here: they just found that out now? Also, 70 percent seems a little low: might want to run those numbers again.
This afternoon on the Situation Room, Wolf Blitzer and Larry King shared some special memories about their mutual friend Anna Nicole. Some highlights:
We wanted nothing more in these last few hours before the Christmas break than to report that a legitimate miracle had taken place: That Donald Trump, having been visited by various ghosts of real estate development past, present, and future throughout the night, had awakened in the wee hours soaked in a pool of his own, gilded sweat, and realized that he had made a terrible, terrible mistake. With a yank of the braided velvet rope hanging by his bedside, he'd slide silently off his black satin sheets, careful all the while not to wake a slumbering Melania; he'd then tiptoe onto the solid-gold-and-glass elevator that would bring him to the roof of his spectacular residence, where a "T"-emblazoned helicopter would instantly rush him over to Rosie O'Donnell's home.
The Donald appeared Larry King last night, where he mused on pervy congressman Mark Foley, fired lackey Carolyn Kepcher, Martha Stewart...and Kevin Federline. While he didn't comment on K-Fed's moving work on CSI, he did explain how the little wifebeater that could eventually won Trump's bombastic heart. Apparently, it wasn't that hard:
Last night on Larry King, ol' shoulder blades interviewed Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith's omnipresent friend and lawyer. Stern was present at the birth of Anna Nicole's daughter and, just two days later, the death of her son, Daniel. Cue overdramatic introduction:
