Hustler Magazine publisher Larry Flynt's daughter, Lisa, is on life support after drunkenly slamming into a tractor trailer last week.

Every member of Congress gets Hustler in the mail. No member of Congress can stop it. Who's to say they'd want to?

In a full page ad printed in yesterday's Washington Post, porn magnate Larry Flynt, founder of the pioneering nudie mag Hustler, promised to shell out one million dollars to anyone with verifiable information about Mitt Romney's "unreleased tax returns, and/or details of his offshore accounts and business partnerships."

Larry Flynt, perpetual king of the publicity stunt, has offered Jersey Shore's awful outfit wearer Mike "The Fitchuation" Sorrentino money to wear his Hustler line of clothes. This comes days after Abercrombie & Fitch offered him cash not to wear A&F clothing in the world's first case of reverse product placement.

Casey Anthony, who legally did not kill her child but societally kinda did, has been offered $500,000 to pose nude for old rascal Larry Flynt's Hustler magazine.

Did you know that President Bill Clinton's hero is Hustler publisher Larry Flynt? Well he is! That is, according to Larry Flynt, who says the former president told him so once. In Las Vegas, no less!

Somehow-alive Hustler publisher Larry Flynt has seen New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino's many porn emails, approved, and offered him the job of executive editor at his magazine. Will Paladino accept, and bring more breast-milk fetish shots to Hustler?

A tipster sent us the proposal for One Nation Under Sex, Larry Flynt's forthcoming history of White House coitus. And it's not bad! Did you know that "George Washington was a famous swordsman in more ways than one"?

Pornographer-scholar Larry Flynt is writing a "sweeping account of how the sex lives of American presidents have had a tangible effect on American policy." Was Benjamin Harrison's timidity on civil service reform related to gonorrhea? Probably! We'll soon find out.

Larry Flynt holds his smut to the highest of lecherous standards, which is why he is suing his lazy, good-for-nothing nephews for attaching their family's good name to shoddy, amateurish products.

Here we were thinking that the nation's porn industry was recession-proof. Guess not! According to TMZ, Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are now seeking a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry since X-rated DVD sales are down 22 percent from a year ago. "Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration," Francis explained, adding that he plans to head to Capitol Hill to make his appeal in person. Get ready for record ratings, C-SPAN! [TMZ]

• Channels like MTV, Comedy Central and Nickelodeon will no longer be available to Time Warner Cable customers beginning at midnight, unless Viacom and Time Warner settle a dispute over fees. [Bloomberg]
• The Village Voice has laid off Nat Hentoff and Lynn Yaeger. [NYT]
• Ratings for MTV's The City and Bromance were disappointing. [THR]
• Pepsi is parting ways with its longtime pitchman David Beckham. [AdAge]
• Hustler publisher Larry Flynt is feuding with his nephews over their plans to launch an adult media company of their own. [NYP]
• Nick Denton's Gawker Media has sold off a site and is selling another. [NYT]
• It's not all bad news these days for journalists, clearly. [THR]

We know, we know: as you've read through our raft of election-related stories, your anxiety mounted as the pressing question, "But what does Larry Flynt think about all this?" remained unanswered. Now, though, you can relax, as an email has landed in our inbox entitled, "HUSTLER Publisher Larry Flynt’s Statement On Obama Election." The pornographer's missive was surprisingly well-written and earnest, but only Defamer has the original, revision-heavy first draft:

This is a rare post-OMT post, because your night editor, Ryan Tate, is off for the evening, doing whatever those people do on the West Coast. The first minute of slummy pornographer Larry Flynt's Veep-wannabe-based fantasy porn, "Who's Nailin' Palin?" is online, and it's my journalistic duty to share it with you. It's totally SFW. And bless the porny screenwriter who penned the line, "Jeepers crumpets, who could that be?" Clip after the jump.

After an achingly long hiatus for all involved — especially for the celebrities observed below — Hollywood PrivacyWatch returns with the very special story of a traffic mishap gone horribly wrong, 90210 stars acting their age (unless you count drinking), and a not-so-quiet brunch. Our regrets for the time off — we'll pick it up in the future. And remember: PrivacyWatch sightings are submitted by Defamer operatives fanned out far and wide, so keep your tips coming. Be sure to include "Sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line — we want every furtive glance to count! This installment's sightings include Kim Kardashian, Kiefer Sutherland, Pierce Brosnan, Farrah Fawcett, Marilyn Manson, Ari Emanuel, Marcia Cross, Isla Fisher, Jon Hamm, Larry Flynt, Chris Robinson, Peter Graves, Shenae Grimes, Dustin Milligan, Lisa Rinna, Bill Walton, William Baldwin, Chynna Phillips, Linda Evans, Gunnar Nelson (!) and more.THURSDAY, SEPT. 4 · Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said, "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me." Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough, hard-drinking, hard-partying, heavy-tanning life. Use sunscreen kids. Use sunscreen. · Tuesday night's Bob Dylan concert at the Santa Monica Civic was ripe with celebrities, and I do mean ripe. NBA legend and Laker dad BILL WALTON couldn't get a reserved seat, he actually got tossed out of his first one that he just bogarted and was forced to stand against the wall, until someone recognized him and gave him a different reserved seat. Fellow Irishmen COLM MEANEY and PIERCE BROSNAN were spotted separately briefly. Anything but standing room only for TV's and former funnyman RICHARD LEWIS. And finally, one of the NELSON BROTHERS, most likely GUNNAR. · I don't know if this counts, but I was having lunch at Porta Via and I spotted SWEET P (Project Runway, season 4) and a friend (boy? husband?). She walked by my table and was stunned when I called her name and that someone recognized her. She is sweet in person. I then had to explain Project Runway to my visiting co-worker from London. He remains confused. SATURDAY, SEPT. 6 · Air Canada flight 744 from LAX to Toronto ... A very laid back and un-made-up MARILYN MANSON (or "Mr. Warner" to the attendants) and Endeavor's ARI EMANUEL (in gym shorts and crocs) in business class, film festival-bound. SUNDAY, SEPT. 7 · Sunday afternoon, Silverlake - walked straight past KIEFER SUTHERLAND and a blonde woman in the Vons supermarket parking lot on Sunset / Hollywood / Virgil / Hillhurst / Sunset Drive. He was carrying the shopping bags (like a gentleman), no doubt stocking up on Haagen-Dazs to watch Britney's big comeback at the VMAs that night. More importantly, what is up with that K-hole of a junction? · ISLA FISHER and baby OLIVE were at the Grove on Sunday between 3:30 and 4:30. Isla was wearing an orange, off the shoulder, embroidered hippie-ish cotton dress (the type popular at Anthropology last year), and little Olive was wearing a mini version of the same thing in white. Her hair was in a loose braid. I saw her first walking through Anthropology (she was disappointed her hippie dresses went out of style) and then later walking into Nordstrom. I was not stalking her; she was stalking me. I am worried Isla does not has any friends in LA— what celebrity goes shopping by herself (babies don't count), at The Grove, on a Sunday? Don't judge me for being at the Grove; sometimes you just wind up there. I'm hopeful she'll have a new posse following her around after her new movie comes out. Either way, she has Sacha Baron Cohen. MONDAY, SEPT. 8 · I was walking my dog when I noticed Topanga from Boy Meets World (DANIELLE FISHEL) at Callender's Grill on Wilshire. She was sitting outside on the patio and in deep discussion with an older woman I didn't recognize. She had on really heavy eyeliner! TUESDAY, SEPT. 9 · Oh poor LARRY FLYNT the Porn King. Saw him at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. Sweaty, quite icky looking and dazed. That's all I've got to say about that. · St. Louis to LAX Tuesday morning, JON HAMM was in first class. We talked to him at baggage claim, and he was ridiculously nice. The man is also really ridiculously good looking. I can't believe Sterling Cooper allows its employees to fly the friendly skies with American Airlines. WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 10 · Montecito, the lush, obscenely wealthly Santa Barbara enclave is a great little getaway, especially if you go off season as to avoid the onslaught of Hollywood- from Oprah to Cameron Diaz. (I just shuddered.) Ordering a late breakfast at Xanadu when I saw that 2 feet away, WILLIAM BALDWIN and wife CHYNNA PHILLIPS are at a table waiting for their grub. Did not even recognize her. She looked beat- a skeletor-long raggedy hair, in a floor length white totally weird Hare Krishna getup. Not until Billy opened his sexy mouth to call her back inside to eat did I inwardly sigh upon hearing that famous Baldwin voice. Oh that dulcet, mellifluous voice! He looks good. My husband said "Has he done anything since Backdraft? ... Chynna was screeching into her cell; so obnoxious, looking for attention of which she got none, and finally for those of us eating outside, she succumbed to that Baldwin Brother siren-call and went back to her table. Yes sir, that is one good looking guy with a voice that makes my knees buckle. Yum Yum Yummy. Not the omelet, the Baldwin. THURSDAY, SEPT. 11 · One for the ages, PETER GRAVES, looking great for 82, in business class on my flight today from JFK to LAX. Like a dork, I smiled and said “Hi” as I trudged back to coach with the masses. I saw him doing a morning show yesterday (they all blend), some sort of “reunion” with Robert Hayes et. al, and there he was, on my airplane, on September 11th, making me feel better about flying. · MARCIA CROSS, one of TV's Desperate Housewives is sitting with me in AA ECONOMY from STL to LAX right now! How continental. SUNDAY, SEPT. 14 · Saw that guy who plays Ethan (DUSTIN MILLIGAN) and that girl who plays Silver (JESSICA STROUP) on the new version of 90210 having lunch together at Mani's on Fairfax. In this case, lunch meaning that he was eating while she watched. · The place: The Rose Bowl Flea Market. I'd always heard that lots of celebs frequented this, but in almost two years of faithful attendance, I'd never actually seen one. ... But today, I saw CHRIS ROBINSON of the Black Crowes (and ex-Kate Hudson husband), who appeared to be accompanied by a very comely lass. And that's the difference between a rock star and me (an accountant): Chris Robinson gets willowy, hot chicks, and i get girls who look like Chris Robinson. Conclusion: I have taken a severely wrong career path and am in the wrong profession. That is all. MONDAY, SEPT. 15 · Saw the new Brenda (SHENAE GRIMES) and Naomi (ANNALYNNE MCCORD, who incidentally makes me ache for Tori's acting chops) last night at the Belmont. New Brenda is as shockingly adorable in person as on TV but was completely sans trademark smile and actually appeared pouty and pissed at times. She and the even-less-beautiful-in-person Naomi (the new Emily Valentine?), who has overgelled 90's hair and is clearly skinnier than her own body type would prefer, were feverishly chain smoking. They were also HARDcore flirting with their waiter, the only guy there more interested in them than the cowboys and eagles. Between packs of cigarettes the girls were, yep, drinking. I'll save you the trouble of looking it up: New Brenda's only 18. Oooooo! I hope new Jim and Aunt Becky don't find out, new 90210 is boring enough without old 90210's lesson-learned moralizing. TUESDAY, SEPT. 16 · So about an hour ago, 3:15 or so Wednesday afternoon, I'm going for a run along Beverly Blvd. I'm just E of Fairfax on the S side of the street when there's a pretty bad car wreck right in front of me. A westbound car turned left into the CBS gate, and a small car was gunning it eastbound in the lane closest to the sidewalk and didn't see them. So the security guard goes to one car, I tell another car to call 911. No one is critically hurt, but we help the guy who's bleeding pretty bad onto the sidewalk. I go out into the street to stand there and let people know they have to get over cuz one of the mangled cars is sitting in the middle of the intersection. After 5-10 minutes, I see a tow truck and a fire truck coming our way from around Fairfax, but traffic is now pretty jacked so it's slow. The tow truck is all set to come down the emergency lane when this giant black tinted Escalade looking thing cuts in front of it to pass the stalled traffic. Keep in mind the tow truck has flashers on. As the Escalade gets closer, I'm waving my hands to tell it to get over, but it won't. Then I notice the chick driving is on her cell, holding it up to her ear. I walk up to her car now, hit the passenger side door and say "get over - there's a tow truck and a fire truck behind you - there's been a bad accident." At this point, she rolls down the window to reveal her KIM KARDASHIAN self [...] who tells me "Don't you touch my car." I thought, "Are you fucking kidding me?! there's a guy on the sidewalk with his head bleeding." I then screamed at her "Are you fucking kidding me?! There's a guy on the sidewalk with his head bleeding!!" to which she responds "I know, but don't touch my car." She finally merges into the other lane and jams it through the yellow light to make the intersection. She said "I know?" I KNOW that I'm holding up rescue in my tinted-ass Escalade looking thing and on my cell, but the only thing I care about is not to hit my car. I hate humanity. WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 17 · Saw LINDA EVANS at the Intercontinental bar last night. Fortunately she left before I had my third martini — otherwise I would've hummed the Dynasty theme to her. TODAY · LISA RINNA working out at Fitness Factory with her trainer. Her face looked like the clay pot in the movie Ghost after Patrick Swayze fucked it up.

Since resigning, all we've seen of Eliot Spitzer is the underside of his collar. His paid lady friend, though, is everywhere. Or at least, as usual, people would like to pay her vast amounts of money to be everywhere.

• Britney's manny — revealed! The ginger gentleman is 28-year-old Naval Academy grad Perry Taylor, who's really just one of Britney's bodyguards. Nowadays, that obviously means guarding her baby's body, too. [TMZ]
• As for her hubby, the inimitable K-Fed, he'd really appreciate it if you'd all respect one another on MySpace. [Lowdown (last item)]
• LA has designated some parking spaces for the mentally handicapped, allowing Paris Hilton to park just that much closer to her emergency crotch doctors. [Page Six]
• Brangelina deny any plans to get married, preferring that Shiloh remain a beautiful bastard. [IMDb]
• Larry Flynt is sued for sexual harrassment by a former employee. If you're working for that man, you really should know that "loud, obnoxious, and repeated noises of sexual gratification" just mean that the company's doing well — and who doesn't want a holiday bonus. [R&M]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' prenup will give her $3 million for every year they remain married, up to $33 million. Which is almost enough money to buy back her blackened, captive soul. [Scoop]

• "I do it because I have a small penis."
— The Daily News's Lowdown Lloyd Grove, in the new Details

Good news, pervs! Hustler publisher and First Amendment champion Larry Flynt has decided to expand his sticky empire with a restaurant chain. The Hustler Bar & Grille (the "e" stands for classy!) will be "Hooters meets Hard Rock Cafe," inevitably landing in the usual tourist meccas. Sadly, the joints will not feature any nudity or entertainment, save for the menu:

AIIIEEE! I almost forgot the gossip roundup! How did you survive all day without it?! Dear godyou probably had to actually do work! I'm SO sorry!
· Hustler's Larry Flynt is looking for video footage of First Twin Barbara Bush at one of Yale's notorious naked parties. [Page Six]
· Playwright Neil LaBute: "I think of myself as a misogynist. But maybe I'm not because if I were one really, I'd write shitty parts for women." Documentarian Michael Moore: "In fourth grade, my school newspaper got shut down, the ACLU filed suit when I was 18, and I ratted on my school board to the prosecutor at 19." [Cindy Adams]
· Smoking ban irony: the city of New York will make $20 million this year off of tobacco investments. [NY Daily News]