• Lindsay Lohan's first collection as Emmanuel Ungaro's "creative director" was unveiled at Paris Fashion Week yesterday. And let's just say the reviews weren't overwhelmingly positive. Described as "cheesy," "dated," and "truly hideous," more than a few critics suggested she get back to acting. And the show ended with Lohan in tears, which probably isn't the most auspicious sign. [MSNBC, WWD, WSJ, Daily Mail]
• Chris Noth is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, Tara Wilson. [People]
• In other relationship news, rumor has it Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are planning to get married, too. [NYDN]
• The David Letterman sex-with-staffers scandal was the butt of plenty of jokes on The Jay Leno Show, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, and this weekend's SNL, not surprisingly. (Seth Meyers called Robert "Joe" Halderman's alleged $2 million extortion attempt a "stupid human trick.") Meanwhile, a second woman, Holly Hester, was identified as another one of the late night host's hook-ups and the tabloids reported Letterman keeps a "bachelor pad atop the Ed Sullivan Theater," although it might just be an office with a fold-out couch. [Us, NYDN, TMZ]

Kristen Stewart thinks she's boring now sans social life. Oh, honey. Lady Gaga wants Kanye to respect the cock(y decision she made to leave their tour). Jon Gosselin: still a cock. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Kanye West and Lady Gaga's "Fame Kills" tour has been canceled. Was it because of Kanye's little incident at the VMAs? Because tickets weren't selling? No one's saying, although the name of the tour was pretty prophetic, wasn't it? [TMZ, NYDN]
• Kate Hudson isn't a huge hit with Yankee players' wives and girlfriends: "Kate acts like she and Alex [Rodriguez] are married, and no one gets it," said a source. "It strikes them as odd, and it seems suspicious." [MSNBC]
• Lauren Conrad has admitted she can't act. Really. "I think my acting is offensive!" she says. "I'm an awful actor, I'm not super comfortable with it." This it all very true, of course. But points for honesty! [People]
• In a new series of ads for her line of leggings, 6126, Lindsay Lohan can be seen modeling with a stripper pole. Naturally. [NYDN, Daily Mail]

Awww. They looked like such a cute couple, but now it seems the aural adventure that would be Lady Gaga and Kanye West's "Fame Kills" tour will not come to fruition. Gaga reportedly wanted to trash the whole thing. [MediaTakeOut]

Remember what was considered "wild" in fashion just before Lady Gaga was a big deal? I'm talking pre-2009, before "Poker Face" was a hit—back when this Project Runway season was actually taped.

Kate Hudson heading to lunch at Serafina ... Julianne Moore walking to a post office in the West Village ... Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell shooting scenes for The Other Guys ... Taylor Momsen walking downtown ... Lady Gaga going into a hotel ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the Village ... Madonna arriving for an appearance on the Late Show with Dave Letterman ... Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan filming scenes for Wall Street 2 ... Kelly Rutherford standing on the set of Gossip Girl in Chinatown ... and Sienna Miller heading home after a performance of After Miss Julie on Broadway.

September 29th is a day that will go down in ginfamy (that is gay infamy) as the day that Mariah Carey, Madonna, Barbra Streisand, and Britney Spears battled for supremacy in gay hearts and minds. Who will stand victorious?

Ah, Saturday Night Live. You're back, and with you, you brought some new names, a huge gaffe on the first night, a much-ballyhooed guest star, Jesus, Ghandi, and every bar in Midtown East's favorite band, U2. How'd you do?

Our Lady of the Immaculate Penis, Lady Gaga, was once Stefani Germanotta, an NYU student with dreams: to be the most post-modern pop star ev-ar, or at least, to leave the small-time dreck of NYU piano songstress obscurity. Video surfaces!

Jude Law waiting outside a movie theater ... Naomi Watts in Nolita pushing sons Sacha and Sammy in a stroller ... Yoko Ono having lunch at Da Silvano ... Clive Owen walking by himself ... Peter Dinklage walking his dog with a friend in the West Village ... Chace Crawford on the set of Gossip Girl near Battery Park ... Mary-Kate Olsen leaving a hotel ... Courtney Love walking downtown ... Dave Chappelle sitting on a ledge ... Shia LaBeouf taking off his tie on the set of Wall Street 2 ... Hugh Jackman walking in the West Village with his wife and daughter ... and Lady Gaga strolling around SoHo.

Nuns don't understand Lady Gaga. Small children understand Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger's deaths. And Martha Stewart can't comprehend Jessica Simpson's dead dog surprise. Welcome to your Friday gossip roundup!

I couldn't get into the big Marc Jacobs party at Hiro Ballroom last night. I didn't get to see Lady Ga Ga play a white piano, nor did I witness her violate a completely-shaved centaur backstage with a strap-on.

Okay, it's silly. Lady Gaga probably doesn't have a penis. But maybe she does. And now, there are rumblings that Lady Gaga has something incredible in store for tonight's VMAs. Let's go over this one more time. Update! Well...

Tila Tequila's crazy domestic abuse squabble: drank and puked out by the D.A., while Anna Wintour gets stalked by teenage crazies. Mischa Barton channels Marissa Cooper. Mayor Bloomberg might know about Lady Gaga's peener. Presenting: your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

[Lady Gaga hides her imaginary penis with some flowers outside her Paris hotel. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Tinsley Mortimer may taste reality television stardom. Tennis star Melanie Oudin tastes the sour side of fame. Jessica Seinfeld's culinary tastes weren't stolen. And Tila Tequila has no taste for foursomes. Happy Friday! Here's your gossip roundup.

You were waiting for Mayor Bloomberg to offer up his predictions for the MTV Video Music Awards, weren't you? Well, he's officially weighed in: He says he expects Lady Gaga will have a big night when she goes up against Beyoncé for "Video of the Year" and "Best Female Video" on Sunday. [MTV]

Men are chasing after Robert Pattinson. The Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy continues! Megan Fox might be clinically insane. Paula Abdul definitely is, as are most British People. And Jon Gosselin still sucks. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

• Lindsay Lohan's troubles continue: Last week, the cell phone she left behind at a bodega in NYC prompted her to call the cops; now the police in LA are investigating a break-in at her Hollywood Hills home, which her family now says may have been an inside job. [People, TMZ, NYP]
• David Blaine's magic skills have turned a bit rusty. Although he was told not to go swimming in the ocean on account of Hurricane Bill, he jumped in the water at Necox Beach in Watermill anyway. And instead of magically transporting himself to safety, a couple of lifeguards had to go and rescue him and a few of his friends. [NYP]
• Ryan Jenkins, the reality show contestant wanted for murdering (and dismembering) his ex-wife, Playboy model Jasmine Fiore, was found dead of an apparent suicide yesterday. [AP, TMZ]

Jon Gosselin's gambling at Foxwoods, but it's Robert Pattinson who can't lose. Stephenie Meyer's getting sued, because she's no Astronaut Mya or, uh, Billy Bush. Or Hayden Panettiere's 'Pink Taco' sharing Harry Morton. Visionaries! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!