Fat: the silent menace of new moms and just plain fat people alike. Scientists now tell us that you must either have a small human suckle the fat off your body, or cut your own gut open, to slim down.

Here's a fun post that connects Fort Hood to "the feminization of the military." Enjoy!

You have probably slept with this man. He's French! He founded Purple magazine! He hangs out with famous people! He accidentally mentioned that Beatrice Inn is reopening! He wears the same clothes every day! He takes pictures of naked ladies!

Bitches want Philly fakeball Arthur Kade to take them to dinner in order to get inside their drawers. That's not Kade Style; but his little SEX DROUGHT is getting pretty bad. How bad?

Tucker Max's movie "Poop: My Story" is really, objectively not doing well, at all. We'll just delicately link to the weekend's movie chart, with no overt comment. However! The sycophants on Tucker Max's message boards have an alternative view.

"I might have messed around, let the cable man come to my house, fix my cable, but two weeks later he's somewhere on my property in my guest house, screwing my wife...It's more mature; that's what I'll say." [Pitchfork]

Richard Whitehurst is an artist in Columbus, Ohio. He's building a big wooden tunnel, and if you crawl through it, he will rape you [Update: Or will he??].

The 'Cougar' phenomenon—which never grows old, or loses its journalistic depth—is trickling down to the more...average precincts of American trendwatching. The Wilkes-Barre (PA) Times Leader went "on the prowl" for local cougars, get it? They found one!

Ho hum, the UK Advertising Standards Authority has banned an American Apparel ad that ran in Vice magazine for being too much like child porn. Can you imagine anything more cliché?

Oh, how the American media wishes that some sex perv had never secretly recorded a nude video of shapely ESPN reporter Erin Andrews! Then the media would not have been forced to discuss this disgusting spectacle. And make photo galleries!

Party-having economist Nouriel "Dr. Doom" Roubini is no longer inviting reporters to parties in his vagina-studded loft, we hear! *(A single tear)*

Hey ladies, lock up your vaginas, because Neil "The Game" Strauss—last seen telling you how to pull much vagina—is back, with a new book! It's about how pickup artist-authors can survive hurricanes or something.

Are you aware that reading the pop sociology of Malcolm Gladwell will turn you into a Certified Player (of women)? It's true! Real live pickup artist "The Don" reveals Gladwell's seductive lessons:

Last week we jumped on the news that tiresome ladybusiness drama Lipstick Jungle had been canceled. We may have, heh, actually danced on its grave a little. But, it sounds like we were wrong! People from the three-business-ladies-make-sex-with-men-and-drink-and-talk show are now coming out and saying that the show is not over at all. Just ask the series's star, Brooke Shields:

Fear not, fans of rational portrayals of modern urban career women on television and film. Candace Bushnell's influence is almost gone from our lives. The Sex and the City authoress (or is she??) co-created a TV show last year called Lipstick Jungle that was basically a tired rehash of the SATC series but without all the fun swears and nudity and stuff. Well, that show was blessedly canceled yesterday, so we no longer have to deal with its particular brand of shoes-as-metaphor-for-longing ladybusiness. And now, oh my, Bushnell's satellite radio show has been euthanized as well. She was doing a show for Sirius XM radio called Sex, Success, and Sensibility, which was about how to make love like a perpetually neurotic and self-obsessed shopaholic. But then—in these horrible, ruined economic times!—she refused to take a 50% pay cut, so the station just out and out pulled the plug. So, that's sad for her I guess? But it's kind of a relief for us. Now if we could only stop those Sex and the City: For kids! books from coming out.

In two days, the New York Times published three pieces—by Kate Zernike, Peggy Orenstein, and Jodi Kantor—on Hillary Clinton, misogyny, and the first woman president. Orenstein, writing from Berkeley, does not "consider Senator Clinton a victim." She doesn't like Hillary, in other words, but the senator is maybe a useful lesson for her daughter in how the world will shit on her if she's ambitious. There is a long way left to go! In the meantime, we shall distract our daughters with cookies. In the Week in Review, Zernike, writing more practically, asked who the first lady president will be. Answer: kinda like a male president, but more so.

We were going to hate on this prototypically obvious Thursgay Styles piece about how some women wear dresses even though shockingly unfeminine "trousers" are the next big thing (Katharine Hepburn could not be reached for comment) but we ended up being kinda charmed by it because basically it's Spring and it's getting nice out and Guy Trebay quotes that bit in Citizen Kane where Mr. Bernstein talks about the girl on the ferry. Are we going soft? If it helps, the piece on how men are wearing patterns that clash on purpose suitably annoyed us. Anyway: pants! On girls! That'll be the day! [NYT]

According to her bio, Jessica Wakeman is "an associate blog editor at Huffington Post." We are not really sure what that means except that she writes totally adorable blog posts about media and all the people in media who she loves, like a little Rachel Sklar. Last time we checked in, she was distraught to learn that to "make it" in New York, "you need a strategy." Her mentor Vanessa Grigoriadis told her! Gosh! Wakeman decided she better stick with the web, a safe space for earnest and sincere young women, where Wakeman can work on writing about important cultural things, like her idol Vanessa or "Ariel Levy or Emily Nussbaum." Today, Wakeman is a little bit upset at her favoritest magazine ever!

Two crazy stories about crazy ladies who try to get what the want.