Celebrities, including socialite Kim Kardashian, have quit Twitter until AIDS charity Keep a Child Alive raises a million dollars. A day later, they've got $105,484.03. It's a worthy cause, but this may not have been a winning gimmick, guys!

Tom sneaks mascara and facials behind Katie's back. Jim Carrey likes kissing Ewan McGregor. Brad Pitt's nose hair secret revealed! Gwyneth Paltrow has a filthy sense of humor. Wednesday gossip ranges from superficial to superficially sordid.

The Kardashian girls are usually mum about the OJ Simpson trial. Not on Fox & Friends, apparently. During O.J.'s trial, their cars got keyed! There was media! They were followed! ...It actually doesn't sound much different than their lives now.

Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe pull the plug on their predatory credit card. Lindsay Lohan wants a restraining order against paparazzi. Tom Brady battles male pattern baldness. Brad Pitt's plague of poor fashion choices returns. Tuesday gossip is a lost cause.

The Kardashian ladies stopped by The View to promote their new book and voice their opinions on plastic surgery — Kim says she'd have work done, "for sure." Later, Khloe opened up about losing her virginity at age 14.

Celebrities: They bring their significant others to awkward family Thanksgiving dinners just like us! Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal sipped lattes; Kim Kardashian brought home Halle Berry's ex; Lindsay Lohan saw an old flame. Saturday's Gossip Roundup is eating leftovers.

On tonight's NBC's People of the Year special, Kim Kardashian talked about branding herself, using Twitter to crowdsource beauty advice, how her parents' involvement in the OJ Simpson trial helped prepare her for fame, and her Ray-J sex tape debacle.

The man just can't go a day without saying something annoying. Also today: You actually might get invited to the Wedding of the Century, Kim Kardashian is totally doing things, and an in-depth analysis of the Bristol Palin affair.

[Kim Kardashian helped open the Charmin bathroom in Times Square today, so fat tourists will all have a place to tinkle as they do their Christmas consuming. This is the pinnacle of American kulture. Image via AP]

Kim Kardashian's new credit card, The Kardashian Kard, has a terrible pricing model. It's a prepaid card, which means it targets kids. But it costs between $60 and $100 to activate—an unprecedented starter fee for prepaid cards.

The Longoria-Parkers face conflicting rumors about adultery and divorce. Pink is pregnant. Stewart-Pattinson probably didn't get married, but Ochocinco will soon. Wednesday gossip is at loggerheads.

TMZ somehow found actor Steve Schirripa (a.k.a. toy-train collector Bobby Baccalieri of The Sopranos) at a liquor store in Jersey, which resulted in the following rant. We think he's right, and we miss when HBO was good. Video inside.

Jay Leno apparently had Kim Kardashian jetted back to Los Angeles in honor of Vetrans' Day. But judging from this clip, it was mostly so that he could make creepy, old-man remarks about her hotness.

Being something of an expert in the business, Lindsay Lohan's mom thinks she should open a chain of rehab centers. Also today: Kelly Bensimon can't stop embarrassing her kids, Joe Francis happily civilizes his union, and some Twilight news.

[Kim Kardashian and sister, K-something, continue their home school geography lessons on the 6 train today. Image via Twitter]

Kim Kardashian shifts the attention from her ass to her feet. Pink advocates "beat[ing] the crap outta kids." Brett Michaels denies boinking Miley's mom. Demi Lovato's dad bemoans Disney. The bigger Wednesday gossip gets, the harder it falls.

Demi Lovato celebrates turning eighteen by getting in a catfight and going to rehab. Cher keeps messing up her transgender son's pronouns. Ricky Martin cried when he came out. Kim Kardashian launches her music career. Tuesday gossip cometh.

Rachael Ray asks why Kim Kardashian is reportedly dating John Mayer when she told her to date a gardner! Kris Jenner explains that Kim is loving single life, then asks the audience to hand over their cute sons. Watch inside.

Aguilera was a sexy cop for Halloween. Paris Hilton and Rachel Zoe were sexy Native Americans. Fearing his client's impending death, Charlie Sheen's manager makes a home visit. Portia de Rossi once weighed 82 lbs. Monday's gossip roundup needs candy.

Charlie Sheen bounces back from last week's cocaine- and hooker-related hospitalization with more cocaine and more hookers. Katy Perry's wedding launched an Indian police investigation. Kim Kardashian faces a Slutoween Sophie's Choice. Halloween's gossip roundup says "Boo!" and "You whore."