Today at Gawker.TV, Joan Rivers and the Fashion Police name their "Worst Dressed" at the Golden Globes, James Lipton makes a cameo on The Simpsons, new Archer, and Kim Kardashian flirts with Kanye on the premiere of her new show.

Kim Kardashian and Kourtney/Khloe/Who Kares? appeared on Wendy Williams for a tasteful discussion on plastic surgery, sex and her appearance. Kim also hinted that they might move to the city. Sign of the apocalypse? We think so.

Kim Kardashian wants to impart some serious life lessons to the young girls of America, because she's qualified to do so. Also today: Tom Brady needs surgery and Halle Berry really likes to yell a lot at her ex-boyfriend.

Owen Wilson had a baby boy. Kim Kardashian tweeted a picture of herself in a tiny bikini. Charlie Sheen slept with five women at once. Selena Gomez removed her purity ring. Saturday Gossip Roundup!

America's most famous burlesque sister act, the Kardashians, will launch a Kardashian Kollection at over 400 Sears stores this August. Sounding Palinesque, Kourtney said, "There's a Sears right near our house." But have you ever been inside? Didn't think so.

[Kim Kardashian confirms that her toes are on a low-fat, low-carb diet while getting a manicure in Beverly Hills today. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Will Kim's world explode when Kris Jenner and Kris Humphries meet? Lea Michele made a 14-year-old girl cry. Eddie Cibrian bought LeAnn Rimes' engagement ring after getting his child support reduced. Friday gossip is full of uncomfortable realizations.

Kim Kardashian's music career is actually happening, and she's as confused as you are. "I didn't mean to, but I did this song," she explained at the debut performance of "Turn It Up." Earlier that day, she shot the video.

Mila Kunis faces an onslaught of obnoxious break-up rumors. David Arquette goes to rehab. Lindsay Lohan's court-ordered rehab ends. (And her freely chosen rehab begins.) Bieber and Selena make out on a yacht. Monday gossip abandons auld acquaintances.

How did you celebrate New Year's Eve? Probably not with a supermodel in Mexico. Jenny McCarthy has a new boyfriend. Justin Bieber tries to win Selena Gomez's heart with diamonds. New Year's Day Gossip Roundup is surprisingly not hungover!

Fake celebrity rumors are the id of pop culture, where we act lecherously (naked Miley), think wishfully (pregnant Aniston), and exorcise unspeakably hideous demons (prison raped LiLo). Some fake rumors are better than others. Here are the best.

Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

Bieber-Gomez is the new Swift-Gyllenhaal. Katie Holmes celebrates her birthday with a passionless date with Tom Cruise. Charles Barkley laughs at Brett Favre's penis. Monday gossip is for lovers.

I've come to believe the Kardashians are but an optical illusion designed to put viewers in a fugue state, wherein brain use stalls and the ability to recognize pores diminishes. Come, let us gurgle at the Kardashians' uncanny Christmas pictures.

Miley Cyrus stays calm in the wake of her bong-ripping scandal. Jennifer Grey has yet to recover from the pain of dancing with Bristol Palin. Kim Kardashian's new lover crosses a threshold: First photo op. Monday gossip soldiers on.

[Human product placement Kim Kardashian contorts herself into the most commercially viable position at the debut of her new watch line. Images via Getty.]

Paparazzi terrorize Britney, who just wants to shop. 12-year-old Jaden Smith gets his first bodyguard. Lindsay Lohan's driving privileges are restored. Milli Vanilli star works on weird comeback. Wednesday gossip makes a list and checks it twice.

Kanye West's giant penis did not put a baby in Kim. Kelsey Grammer will marry his mistress. Lil' Wayne's daughter gets diamonds for turning twelve. Demi Lovato hasn't apologized for punching her back-up dancer. Tuesday gossip is momentous.

Remember when "reality star" Kim Kardashian and other celebrities promised to stop Tweeting until a million dollars was raised for Alicia Keys' AIDS charity? Well, they finally reached their goal after a $500,000 donation from pharmaceutical exec Stewart Rahr.

Kim Kardashian and other celebrities pledged to stay "digitally dead"—off Twitter and Facebook—until the Keep a Child Alive foundation raised a million dollars. But after two days, the foundation is still nowhere near that!