Eighteen-month-old Colin Lambert had to be rescued by firefighters Tuesday from a claw machine inside a laundromat in Maryville, Tenn after he climbed inside and got stuck. Little Lambert is the latest small child to find his way into the potentially perilous trenches of a claw machines filled with stuffed animal toys.

You ever have a friend who was obsessed with your life? Always tryin' to stay over your house and learn your family members' names, then speaking to and about them in a familial tone? Saying, of you and your partner, "Oh my God, I love you guys together. You're seriously like my favorite couple. I wish I were part of the couple. Haha, is that weird? Just kidding, obviously, I like you guys together. Do you ever feel like I am part of the couple?"

Broadcasting live from a newly-opened shopping center, Las Vegas news station KLAS unwittingly captured one boy's impromptu dance recital Thursday night—and let it be said, little dude can work.

Dean is inconsolable because he's only 6, and he'll only be 7, which makes it—hold on, doing some quick math here—approximately 800 billion weeks before he can finally get married. That's forever! That's at least a thousand million days!

A Mobile, Ala., mom says school officials forced her daughter to sign a contract promising not to commit suicide or harm others after the kindergartner "drew something that resembled a gun," then pointed a crayon at another kid and said "pew, pew!"

Frozen is an obsession of children (and bane of parents) everywhere, largely due to the inescapable, Oscar-winning earworm Let It Go. The song has been through a backlash, an anti-backlash, and Ben Affleck, and now it finally arrives at its endgame as a little girl's poop joke.

A family dining at a Midwest Chipotle location discovered that the restaurant's bathrooms didn't come equipped with baby-changing tables, so they decided to swap out their 1-year-old's soiled diaper right there on the dining room table. After a manager asked them to take it to their car instead, the father sent the restaurant a letter of complaint.

As far as surprise guests dropping into your grade school classroom go, you could do little better than the leader of the free world. You could do a little better, though.

A teacher at McKinley Middle School in Washington, D.C. sent their sixth grade students home with an assignment from a "war and peace" section in the curriculum: compare and contrast Adolf Hitler and former U.S. President George W. Bush in a Venn diagram. "Both men abused their powers," the teacher apparently explained.

The father of a British schoolboy says his son has been screwed out of a bus pass because the local council is stubbornly enforcing a policy down to the last decimal place. Jon Lawson, age 11, lives 1.999 miles away from school. Students who live 2 miles out are eligible for free passes.

A fifth-grade class in Waterville, Maine planted vegetables last spring as a lesson in agriculture and charitable giving. The food, once sprouted, was going to go to the school lunch program and a local homeless shelter. When harvest time arrived this week, though, their onions were gone.

I don't actually know anything about the wedding where Blake Weir spotted "the best dancer I've ever seen," but reasoning from the footage of this kid's moves and every common understanding about weddings, there is a roughly 97% chance that he was the highlight of the event.

Trey just found out he's about to have a new baby sibling, and this is exasperating. Why would his mom replace him and his sister, the two babies she just had, with a new one that's just going to cry all the time? It makes no sense!

Before she became Nicki Minaj, signed to Young Money, and made millions of dollars being a Boss Ass Bitch, young Onika Maraj had a different dream: To become a nurse and help people in need.

A fire was started in the Makakilo region of Oahu this week when two seven-year-old boys were goofing around with a lighter. The fire took hold and has since run through over 800 acres of brush, grass, and trees. There have been no reported injuries.

A babysitter who had been watching two girls in Austin, Texas for only a few months allegedly grew so frustrated with their shenanigans that she decided to light their house on fire. A punishment fit for the crime!

If you're weary of the internet's non-stop Chris Pratt lovefest, you'll find no solace this week. Pratt once again proved himself in the role of Male Jennifer Lawrence when he visited a children's hospital Wednesday, wearing his Star-Lord outfit from Guardians of the Galaxy.

There's nothing out of the ordinary about this video of three be-thonged women shaking it to Jason DeRulo's "Wiggle." It's just the average, everyday twerk-off you probably see three times before breakfast. Until the camera pans over to the audience, anyway.

The first time I saw two laxers on the 2 train, I sneakily snapped a photo, giddy with delight that there may be somewhere I could play lacrosse in New York City.

A Georgia fourth grader was suspended from school this week after he brought a Nerf gun to class as part of a show-and-tell assignment.