We like to make fun of old people because they don't know how to use the Internet. But a new study suggests young people don't really know how the damn Google machine works, either.

Zachary Chesser, a 20 year-old kid from the DC suburbs, was arrested yesterday while allegedly on his way to travel to join an Islamist insurgency in Somalia. No surprise. Zachary fit the classic terrorist profile: he hated South Park.

Now a 14-year-old Dutch girl wants to sail solo around the world. Her mother supports the idea.

Sometimes the Internet saves people from being sex trafficked. Good! But sometimes the Internet beats up on an 11-year-old girl, posting her address, phone number and making her cry. Bad. This is what happened to Jessi Slaughter.

Let us pray for Peggy Noonan, important dingbat Wall Street Journal columnist, for she is in a state of sadness, despair. She despises today's elites, the Youths: the politicians, the bloggers, the "Facebook jockeys." Who shall smite these incompetent infants?

Despite the proven fact that parenting=misery, adults—parents and otherwise—really love children. That was their first mistake. Next thing you know kids are spending your money and getting tattoos and failing school and blaming you.

For three straight nights Belfast, Northern Ireland has been the scene of riots, which the authorities are blaming on small groups of kids. According to one local priest: "It was a bit like a Eurodisney theme park for rioting." [AFP]

One of the greatest fugitives of our time, 19-year-old Colton Harris-Moore, the "Barefoot Bandit," has reportedly been arrested in the Bahamas, where he is said to have crash landed a small plane. A two year odyssey has ended. (Updated)

Robert Tyrell is a 29 year-old resident of Villa Rica (translation: "noble small town"), GA. He lives at home with his mom. Things he possesses: male pride, a gun. Things he does not possess: ironing skills, gratitude, problem-solving abilities.

These modern students: Can they do anything right? Whether falling behind their grade school classmates, graduating from high school without being able to count out change, or cheating on all their college tests, they're turning out to be major disappointments.

The Way We Live Now: totally misunderstanding the situation. It says here that some of you youngsters remain optimistic about your chances out there? Allow us to correct your mistaken idealistic perceptions.

With the boom in shows about real-life families, a discussion has sprung up about whether reality TV programs should abide by the same laws that govern child acting. But who will save them from their parents?

Kids these days love onions, thanks to Shrek. Hm.

The latest issue of Interview magazine features 10-year-old actress Keirnan Shipka who plays Sally Draper on Mad Men dressed up like an Upper East Side dowager four times her age. We knew Betty was a bad mother, but damn.

First they said that strollers are unsafe. Then they said that baby slings are unsafe. Then they said some brands of cribs were unsafe. Now: all the rest of the cribs are unsafe.

It's time to send your unbearable children far away to summer camp, so that you may have a moment's peace! Oh here's one: "Graffiti and Street Art Camp." The most hardcore summer camp ever? Actually, the opposite!

Kids these days continue to disappoint us all. In my day, we had fake drugs like salvia, that really worked. Now, kids are trying to get "high" with "i-Dosers"—digital sounds, on computers. Oklahomans are worried.

Education: what is it for? Education exists to get you a job, and to give educators a job. Money is the root of education. So grade inflation, rich-kid perks, and dumbing down of grad schools are justified. For money!

Growing up these days is no walk in the idealized child-friendly park. Kids face a variety of trend-based obstacles, from rubber-band bracelets to sexxxting. And crappy childhoods are now more expensive than ever!

Over the weekend some kids in Washington Heights left seven Drano bombs outside a school, but none of them exploded. No self respecting kid in the suburbs would ever build a dud Drano bomb.