The "millennials," a demographically desirable generation that is defined by its blind fealty to the advertising agencies most capable of portraying corporate brands as non-corporate, has declared that—above all—it wants to be seen as unique.

A new study out of Baylor University finds that college students spend an "astounding" amount of time on their cell phones and has researchers warning of cell phone "addiction" (not in a jokey way).

Look at it. It's a tire. It's just a wheel on a car that you drive all the time. If it's flat, who's going to change it? Me and your mother? Learn something, for chrissake.

Wall Street made itself more welcoming this week, as several top banks announced plans to raise the salaries of their lowest-level minions by about 20%. Will this be enough to make banking attractive to Ivy League pricks once again?

"We Are The Next Lost Generation"—a Thought Catalog exercise in putting life in perspective.

Leave it to a group of Bored Teenagers to execute a generally harmless but perfectly diabolical prank on their high school principal.

Entitled members of the "millennial" generation—is there anything that they cannot destroy with their devil-may-care sense of youthful self-regard? The answer is "no." Millennials are now destroying even death.

According to police, two Brooklyn elementary school students, ages 9 and 12, were charged with reckless endangerment and assault after being accused of putting rat poison in their teacher's water bottle.

Bored to death with their standard careers in the Bushwick street art guided tour industry, members of the disgustingly attractive and incompetent "Millennial" generation are now amusing themselves by starting oil companies. Are fossil fuels the new "molly?"

Residents of a northern Philadelphia neighborhood say hundreds of teenagers began having sex and peeing everywhere after a summer block party turned into a free-for-all.

Teenagers fighting over high school vendettas end up being responsible for around 40 percent of New York City's shootings, police say.

The percentage of the population that understands the phrase, "Be kind, please rewind," is on the decline, so it shouldn't be as surprising as it is when a group of under-15's mistake a Sony Walkman for a cell phone, a walkie talkie, and a boom box.

It's not exactly a secret that street crime is an issue in Brazil (enjoy the World Cup!). For instance, take this video, in which a woman's necklace is ripped off her body while she gives an interview to a Rio news program about the epidemic of people being robbed on the street.

Firefighters had to lift a teenage girl out of a storm drain in Dover, U.K., after she wedged herself inside while trying to retrieve her mobile phone.

Naked men. Naked women. Naked dogs. All together, on the internet, fucking one another. As a parent, you know that your teen has probably watched thousands of hours of online M-F-Dog porn. But have you talked to them about it yet?

There are a handful of hallmarks of growing up: losing your virginity; getting your first apartment; realizing that America's two-party political system is a grotesque mockery of democracy. The "millennial" generation is doing all of those things right now.

"I don't push labels on my kids," says a mom whose six-year-old daughter recently acquired a $695 dress. "Jolie chooses what she wants in a store in an organic way."

Teenagers whining about getting out of bed for school in the morning are actually on to something. High school start times are an outrageous burden. For the grownups, most of all.

This beats whatever story from elementary school you always tell people: Yesterday, Kansas City seventh grader Kush Sharma defeated fifth grader Sophia Hoffman in a spelling bee that lasted two days over the course of two weeks.

Two 8-year-olds and a 9-year-old were busted for smoking marijuana in an elementary school boys' room last week.