The use of standardized test scores as a proxy for actual intelligence is a lazy, misguided, classist and culturally discriminatory tactic that makes the jobs of policymakers easier at the expense of the future of our children. That said, kids these days are more jaw-droppingly stupid than ever before. We're getting it from all sides.
Kids these days should be thankful to even get accepted into a community college, what with the parents of kids these days having so little money to donate to the endowments of Ivy League universities. Unfortunately for kids these days, community colleges these days are way more crappy than expensive colleges these days. Sucks to be poor these days!
Want to know what's wrong with kids these days? Good. I'll tell you. In my day, we had a concept known as "selling out." These days, there is new concept, called "selling out." Kids love it!
Gay, anti-Christian, global warming-peddling cartoon Spongebob Squarepants is under attack from old people again, and this time it's from scientists. In the newest edition of Pediatrics, researchers from the University of Virginia found that sticking the kids in front of Spongebob Squarepants so you don't have to actually hang out with them is, in fact, killing their attention spans.
Sometimes—as freedom fighters from George Washington to Che Guevara would affirm—the words and deeds of a person become so intolerable the it becomes necessary to write a scathing takedown of them, on the internet. This is our world.
Sure, at one time or another we've all wanted to hurl our annoying child into to the violent sea's foamy maw, where no amount of petulant whining will save them from Poseidon's cold embrace. Particularly on one of those "sightseeing cruises." Ugh, have you been subjected to those? Talk about Supposedly Fun Things I'll Never Do Again, amirite? It's enough to make anyone cast their spawn into the deep. Still, you shouldn't.
Killer vaccines! Sex-crazed kids! Lower cholesterol! Sickening papayas! Laundry cancer! Healthier milk! Brain scans! Marathon beer! And fatty fat babies who need a little shove in the right direction! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dishonestly!
The classic corporate law firm business model involved hiring top law school grads and charging clients for their "work" these kids did, which involved learning how to be a lawyer, because of course recent law school grads are completely incompetent.
You probably remember being in school and looking across the cafeteria at all the mysterious, differently-hued people huddled at their own table on the other side of the room and asking yourself, "Why are all those weird [black/ white/ Asian/ Latino/ Unidentifiable] kids sitting together? No wonder we are so racist." Then you continued telling racist jokes to your own racially homogenous table.
Around three dozen young people got together on Saturday night in Germantown, Maryland and decided to casually walk into a 7-11 and loot the hell out of it. Local news reports are calling it a "flash mob" — a blanket term that's readily applied to any act of assholery by a group of teenagers in public — when really it's just shoplifting en masse. You can watch the other two parts of the video here and here. Personally, I like the guy who grabs the hat on his way out.
Philadelphia is under siege by teenage flash mobs! Ha. Not really. A "flash mob" is when several dozen aspiring standup comics use the internet to meet in a certain place to do a funky collaborative dance. Philly's problem is just "kids being kids," which is to say, a bunch of teenagers beating you up, for fun.
When he's not defending Sarah Palin from hypercritical monsters, Washington Post Writers Group columnist Ruben Navarrette Jr.'s hard at work offering "new thinking on many of the major issues of the day." Yes, that's right: "hard at work." Oh, you say you don't understand what that phrase means? You must be a millennial.
The only bad things about this video, "The Andover Song," are the excruciatingly earnest lyrics, the disconcerting juxtaposition of a bunch of freshly-scrubbed teenage prep school lacrosse aficionados with the format of a non-parody rap video, the horribly awkward cameo by the elderly authority figure, the depressing realization that this video's production values are much higher than those on many videos by "real" rappers, and the overarching statement that the very existence of this video makes about the dissipation and decline of hip hop culture in America.
The New York Times knows god damn well that nothing so effectively enrages its less-affluent readers and engages its more affluent readers in a single stroke than a story about some stupid summer camp for rich kids. Because the regular middle class people are like "That is so stupid and gauche and decadent and outrageous, my Aiden doesn't need any 'camp' except a fire hydrant. I am fwding this article to EVERYONE, for anger's sake," and the rich parents are like "Hmm, is my Ayden losing the Niche-est Camp Competition this year?" Hey, fashion camp!
A 38-year-old cop in Indiana, John Newcomb, was arrested Wednesday night after he side-swiped a parked car with his truck and then plowed into a tree, apparently while he was drunk. A woman who heard the crash and saw the immediate aftermath gave some details of the scene to local news channel WAVE 3. The best part of this otherwise average drunk driving-cop story is the trailer Newcomb was pulling :
