Former professional ballplayer Lamar Odom lies in a coma in a Nevada hospital, and TMZ is reporting that his ex-wife, professional Kardashian Khloe Kardashian, is in charge of making his life-or-death medical decisions. Because she’s not his ex-wife after all—they’re still married. Holy shit.

According to E! Entertainment—the television channel behind Keeping Up With the Kardashians and its various spinoffs—a source inside the hospital where Lamar Odom is being treated says the former NBA player tested positive for “virtually every drug imaginable” and may suffer brain damage.

Since news broke last night that former NBA star and Keeping Up with the Kardashians castoff Lamar Odom had been found unconscious in a Nevada brothel, friends—famous and not—have been spotted around his hospital room. And lest you, the Keeping Up With the Kardashians viewer feel left out, fear not: according to Radar Online, the cameras are rolling (UPDATE: Multiple reports refute the Radar story).

Khloe Kardashian was driving Kim Kardashian, North West, and Kylie Jenner through Bozeman, Montana Saturday morning when she skidded on ice, crossed into oncoming traffic, and landed in a ditch, TMZ reports. Why were they in Montana? Doesn't matter, they're fine.

Finally some good news this week.

...Or, at least, that's what his wife and app genius Kim Kardashian claimed on Sunday's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

On Tuesday, the two most famous Kardashians who are not Kardashians, Kris and Bruce Jenner, formally announced their separation after 22 years of marriage.

The fame cycle is complete: Following their much-watched Date of the Century, Kanye West has agreed to appear on the upcoming season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Radar Online reports.

Busy week in the Kardashian sex news business. Yesterday, we learned that Khloe Kardashian installed a sex swing, which collapsed under the weight of her fucking giant NBA husband Lamar Odom. Today, we learn that Kardashian matriarch Kris Jenner has been named Zestra® Essential Arousal Oils™.

Sunday night's episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York featured a discussion between Kim Kardashian and her neanderthal then-husband Kris Humphries about having kids, which they ultimately decide to do. Right away!

We watched Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage go to hell in a handbasket during the premiere episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York. On Sunday night, it was Kim's relationship with one sister that took a beating, instead, when she went kompletely krazy on Khloe for accidentally waking her up an hour earlier than she wanted.

The first lady let it slip in a recent interview that the president doesn't want the Obama girls tuning into Keeping Up With the Kardashians. So what is it about the show (well, besides everything) that bothers him so much? Jay Leno tried delving into the president's anti-Kardashian position on Tuesday's Tonight Show, but beyond admitting that he's never even seen the show, Obama wisely avoided any remarks that could have risked alienating the Kardashian voter base.

Tonight, E! brought us the conclusion of Kim's Fairytale Wedding, a four-hour special about Kim Kardashian's August nuptials to Kris Humphries. During last night's warm-up, the storyline revolved around everybody except Kim hating Kris (groom, not mom). But hey, at least his bride-to-be was on his side! Well, until tonight, that is, as you'll see in this four-minute highlight reel (with a bonus clip at the end featuring Kris Jenner seamlessly working sponsor LivingSocial into the mix). See you for the divorce special during May sweeps!

A month after we watched them get engaged, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were back on E! for two hours tonight in Part 1 of Kim's Fairtytale Wedding (the conclusion airs tomorrow). So what'd we learn? Namely, that the entire Kardashian family—and Khloe especially—hates Kim's husband-to-be, as you'll see in our highlight reel of the most dramatic moments.

Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday Monday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.

Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.

Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.

Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.

Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.