The History Channel has decided to cancel its 8-part miniseries The Kennedys, starring Katie Holmes, because the "dramatic interpretation is not a fit" for the channel. Good! The show was developed by the guy behind right-wing torture fetish show 24.

Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

[Katie Holmes in New York yesterday. Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Bieber-Gomez is the new Swift-Gyllenhaal. Katie Holmes celebrates her birthday with a passionless date with Tom Cruise. Charles Barkley laughs at Brett Favre's penis. Monday gossip is for lovers.

Tom sneaks mascara and facials behind Katie's back. Jim Carrey likes kissing Ewan McGregor. Brad Pitt's nose hair secret revealed! Gwyneth Paltrow has a filthy sense of humor. Wednesday gossip ranges from superficial to superficially sordid.

[Actress Katie Holmes on the set of her new movie Jack & Jill. Photo via Splash.]

"Mommy is white trash," she allegedly told them. Katie Holmes contemplates bearing more Cruise children. Lou Reed makes Susan Boyle cry. Thursday gossip puts the "fun" in dysfunctional.

During her interview on the Late Show last night, Katie Holmes trotted out a story about rubbing Vicks Vapor Rub on her chest on the set of All My Sons. Not very sexy, but Holmes does look fantastic!

Katie and Josh try to discuss their new film, but The Daily Ten has edited this clip to focus on Tom Cruise, Suri, and So You Think You Can Dance. Wait... did Katie just admit to enjoying her husband's ejaculations?!

This week, Star magazine investigates the perilous lives of celebrity assistants. But what's the point of having power if you can't abuse it? A guide to which underling abuses are reasonable, and which will just get you sent to jail.

Yep. He has one right now. Also today: Cruise's wife gets in bed with two people, but only one man, Scream 4 adds some more victims, a Glee rumor appears true, and some sexy nerd ladies arrive at SyFy's doorstep.

The cast of Katie Holmes rom-com The Romantics did a J. Crew ad campaign, and the result is an aneurysm of creamy cupcakes, tasteful khaki, and fresh-faced youth. Katie even exorcises a few Tom Cruise-related demons. Let's take a look.

According to its trailer, The Romantics is about tasteful white people getting married in a scenic white people place. (Maine?) Quoth J. Crew's synergistic The Romantics advertainment: "Friendships and alliances are tested and the love triangle comes to a head the night before the wedding, when the drunken friends frolic in the nearby surf and return to shore… without the groom." That sounds… macabre. (And kind of interesting? I hate it when I accidentally like something I meant to hate.)

Now is your chance to reprimand Jennifer Aniston. Spencer Pratt is writing a tell-all. Miranda Kerr is with child. Lindsay Lohan is off drugs. Twelve Duggars get the chicken pox at the same time. TGIFriday gossip.

In a new interview with New York magazine, little ol' Katie Holmes admits her precocious paparazzi-bait daughter is better at being famous than she is, perhaps because she's still starstruck with Tom Cruise.

Here's a new trailer for The Romantics, a novel-based twindie about a group of friends feeling cobwebby feelings at a sad, frenzied, cluttered Northeast wedding. It's sure to be Katie Holmes' Rachel Getting Married, except without the praise or accolades.

[Mrs. Tom Cruise dressed as Jackie Onassis on the set of History Channel mini-series The Kennedys. Image via Splash.]

[Katie Holmes arrives in Manhattan via helicopter. Also: Flared jeans are back in?? Since when? Someone alert the city of Boston, they are going to be thrilled. Image: Splash]

Lest there be any doubt that Suri Cruise's life is better than yours: "Along with having over 100 pairs of shoes… 4-year-old Suri proves again she can keep up with adult trends—this time with her very own iPad."

[Celebrity couple Joey Potter and Lt. Pete "Maverick" Mitchell are at a movie awards show or party or something in London, which is in England; image via Bauer-Griffin]