According to its trailer, The Romantics is about tasteful white people getting married in a scenic white people place. (Maine?) Quoth J. Crew's synergistic The Romantics advertainment: "Friendships and alliances are tested and the love triangle comes to a head the night before the wedding, when the drunken friends frolic in the nearby surf and return to shore… without the groom." That sounds… macabre. (And kind of interesting? I hate it when I accidentally like something I meant to hate.)

To make her comfortable, Katie Holmes' costars approximate Tom Cruise's height.

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"I used to like Magnolia's cupcakes best, but then I found out Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't even eat carbs, and it all felt so fake, y'know?"

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"My career totally blows Mischa Barton's out of the water."

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The only three-person pose more ubiquitous than Charlie's Angels finger guns: Variations on the "see no evil" triptych.

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"And then I liked Sugar Sweet Sunshine's cupcakes best, but I found out their flour isn't organic, so fuck that."

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Awkward turtle recedes back into her neck.

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Stuff white men like: Pretending to be ninjas.

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Josh Duhamel is having trouble with his hobo costume.

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"It's been so long since I've felt the touch of a man."

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