Sadly, not all girly song-writing musicians are as easily whipped into shape as Joshua Kelley Heigl. And Jennifer Aniston is discovering this pesky factoid the hard way. In an attempt to gather some overseas materials for her inevitable post break-up scrapbooking sesh, Aniston reportedly spent much of John Mayer’s Hyde Park concert “snapping pictures,” tapping her foot and showering him with over-enthusiastic embraces and forced PDA as soon as he got a moment to relax. In short? “Clingy” Jennifer is back, and it only takes one photo frighteningly reminiscent of Ben Affleck’s passion-void camera-centric “kiss” to Jennifer Lopez in 2003 to signal trouble on the horizon. More details surrounding Aniston’s steadily approaching familiar descent towards relationship desperation after the jump.

· Things we learned at the Los Angeles Film Festival this week. School Of Rock 2 isn't a pipe dream. Guillermo del Toro isn't going to milk The Hobbit. Women deserve equal talk show hosting rights, too. Nobody wanted to make Animal House. Chris Carter is as secretive as ever. Did somebody order stake?
· The battle between the Paps and the Surfs was kinda like the Greasers versus the Socs, only with the newly blackberry-less Matthew McConaughey playing the role of Dally. But what of the rematch?
· Mini-Me showed the world his mini-me, which should help him knock down that large tax debt.
· Raffaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway's sketchball ex, got pinched for attempting to defraud God. A judge set bail at $21 million, but who's gonna take care of the dog?
· Mary Kate Olsen de-pruned herself long enough to convince Dave Letterman that her old arch enemy Spencer Pratt is, indeed, a prat.
· No one was safe as we counted down the Hollywood's Top Ten Worst Kissers.
· Wall-E manged to get fatties and Republicans up in arms without saying a word.
· Whoa, who raped the Coreys? One mystery solved, one to go.
· AC Slater found himself embroiled in Chesthairgate.
· The Emasculation of Joshua continued, as Katherine Heigl used her whipped husband as an ashtray and made him curl her hair. Joshua did not escape unscathed.
· You can ongratulate Jason Bateman on the impending Arrested Development movie, but be sure you don't bring up pregnant teens.
· We had a dream. We had an awesome dream. Mainly b/c it was filled with lesbian werewolves.
·: Noted blog-hater Patrick Goldstein entered the blogosphere. We can only guess how many of his 1,100 pageviews came from his IP address.
· Which groovy comedy superstar is openly courting other men to touch his monkey? Perhaps they should frequent the Fox and Sony lots?
· Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits. We'll miss you, George.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

After a whirlwind month of snubbing her fame-enabling Grey’s Anatomy writers, the entire Academy of Television Arts & Sciences and anyone unlucky enough to get a whiff of her second-hand smoke, Katherine Heigl is somehow still idolized and worshiped by her emasculated husband Joshua Kelley. As we noted yesterday, Heigl spent most of Kelley’s weekend gig at Hotel Cafe shouting out requests for songs, songs which have all been recently altered to include the name Katie in place of any other girl’s name. But most disturbingly, the “rocker” reportedly overshared the fact that he had “curled her hair” before the show. And just how important is it that Kelley spend his pre-show time grooming his pompous pony? So important that he’s suffered third-degree burns and dehabilitated his ability to play the guitar, all in the name of love. The excruciating details, after the jump.

Loose-lipped Jack Black has recently decided to abandon his pre-married man habits like staying up too late with “beer” and “dudes,” but by far the most impressive habit Black claims to have kicked is smoking. Though we don't really immediately picture a carton of cigarettes when thinking of the Brangelina baby blabber, there are more than a few stars who we see smoking so often we automatically reach for a cancer stick whenever we see them on-screen. So who are the smokiest chimneys in Hollywood these days? We put together a list of the newbies and their predecessors, all of whom we feel should be notified that Joshua Kelley, no matter what Heigl has told them, is not, in fact, an ashtray:

Katherine Heigl's constant bids to control her husband Josh "Call Me Joshua" Kelley's A.D.D. addled life is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Whether it's explaining to David Letterman that the house that the newlyweds live in is most certainly hers or confiding to Oprah that she's not even really sure if she'll like Joshua once she gets to know him, we are firmly settled into Month Six of what's come to be known as "The Emasculation Of Joshua" tour. However, just when you thought that she would tone things down a smidge, Heigl's controlling ways took new life when her not-at-all-whipped "rocker" husband took to the stage at Hollywood's Hotel Café on Friday night. According to a tipster for People:

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

Move over Norma Desmond — Katherine Heigl is here. After Heigl's baffling antics over the past few weeks, namely snubbing her Grey's Anatomy fame enablers and any fan who may have actually enjoyed her pretty neurotic mess of a character on the show, this clip of Heigl voicing her disgust with "writers?!?" proves just how big Heigl's nicotine-scented head has grown. And to make matters worse, the images awaiting you after the jump of Heigl vacationing with emasculated husband Joshua Kelley, in which her emasculated servant is used as both her kickboxing target and ashtray give new meaning to Desmond's infamous diva-turned-delinquent madwoman trajectory. Catch Heigl at her heights while you can before the inevitable backlash to the backlash to the backlash begins, after the jump:

Like the heady mix of pride and elation that fills you as you witness your own flesh-and-blood pulling themselves up by their lonesomes to take their first wobbly steps across the living room floor, witnessing some of your favorite stars' first times on the red carpet—as compiled in this Us Weekly gallery—is an experience worth savoring. Pictured above, writer's room taskmistress Katherine Heigl presents herself to the world at the 2000 premiere for The Beach in an ensemble that makes several endearing first-timer mistakes: 1. At this early point in your career, showing anything more than 3/4 inch of leg runs the risk of making you look trampy. 2. Flashbulbs' x-ray effect often reveal more about your foundation garments than you'd like to the world to know. Always match your bra to your dark-chocolate turtleneck, lest you want the world to mistakenly assume you're a Mormon. 3. The movie's about a tropical Eden in Thailand, not what happens when your trying-to-be-hip mom is convinced by a Barneys saleswoman that "Fall is all about the Annie Oakley look." Dress theme-appropriately.

Temperamental and/or difficult actors are nothing new, of course, but as alluded to earlier today in our glimpse at the new-and-slightly-spiritually-improved Mike Myers, it takes a special kind of difficult to make the "stroppy" cut. To wit, does your rep for tantrums, whining and/or demanding final cut equal or exceed your rep for such actions making your films better? Then you might be headed for the All-Strop Team, as laid out today by Guardian contributor Andrea Hubert: Folks like Edward Norton (the captain), Eddie Murphy (the leadoff hitter, if only for knowing when to take a walk on Pluto Nash), Gwyneth Paltrow (the cleanup hitter, for publicly referring to her film View From the Top as View From My Ass) and others.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

The Katherine Heigl hate continues. New York magazine television writer Emma Rosenblum wrote an angry open letter to the Grey's Anatomy actress on NYM's Vulture blog today, in which she suggests that perhaps the material Heigl was given on Grey's did not "warrant an Emmy nomination" (as the Knocked Up star so publicly and rudely stated) because the writers were deliberately trying to screw her over. Regarding complaints that Heigl's character, Izzie, was exasperating and intolerable this past season, Rosenblum asks Heigl: "Have you ever thought that maybe the writers are incorporating your own personality into that of your character?" Some of you commenters suggested that last week as well. Wouldn't that be a wonderfully tricky stratagem of the writers? Burn her character to the ground. We're sure it's happened before...

It's been two days now since our relatively peaceful, reacharound-loving community has been rocked by "I Do Not Feel I Was Given the Material This Season to Warrant a Nomination"-Gate. For those late to the party: Gold Derby blog had noticed polarizing actress-figure Katherine Heigl's name missing from a list of contenders; approached for comment, she explained that she had knowingly compromised Emmy-nominating protocol—and by extension, the very fundamentals upon which this great country is based!—by gallingly withdrawing herself from Best Actress consideration. And for what? For what she deemed to be substandard character arcs for her character on Grey's Anatomy. (In Heigl's defense, in Season 2 she was curled up in a hospital bed with her expired fiance; this season, she had a brief dalliance with her gay best friend followed by a torrid affair with a homicidal caribou.) Still, according to one series insider who spoke to EW.com, the thanklessness is beyond belief:

An insider at Grey's Anatomy calls series star Katherine Heigl's negative comments about the writing on the show "an ungrateful slap."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Katherine Heigl, so likable for those precious few days after Knocked Up, continues to encourage us to hate her. First the Grey’s Anatomy star publicly criticized Knocked Up in a Vanity Fair interview, saying that the film “paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight.” Whether that’s true or not (I think it might be), it read as pissy and ungrateful. It was an insight best left out of a national magazine. Then she appeared to be a bossy and demanding friend in a video of her and bestie/Grey’s Anatomy costar T.R. Knight. And now the Emmy-winner has declined to enter herself in this year’s Emmy race because she feels her material on Grey’s was just not up to snuff.

You gotta hand it to Katherine Heigl. In the last two years, thanks to plum roles in Knocked Up and on Grey's Anatomy, she's gone from the forgotten child star from My Father, The Hero (forgotten by everyone except pervs, that is) to an Emmy winning actress who's bumping her way onto the A-List. But along the way, thanks to a string of questionable PR snafus like publicly lambasting Judd Apatow and emasculating her husband Joshua at every conceivable turn, she's racked up more than her fair share of detractors. But being the determined ball buster that she is, she's not going to let a little thing like criticism get in her way of becoming her generation's Julia Roberts. Today, Variety reports that she is set to star in and co-produce Escape, based on the true story of Carolyn Jessop, whose memoir of escaping her polygamist husband became a best-seller. While it remains to be seen if this role will earn her a nod at the 2010 Oscars (if it walks like Oscar bait and talks like Oscar bait, it probably is), we can confirm that she won't be accepting any awards at this year's Emmys. As Tom O'Neil of the LAT's Gold Derby blog reports:

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

Everything is truly coming up roses for gay love in California this spring. The state’s gay marriage ban was lifted, Ellen DeGeneres got down on one trousered knee, and tonight, everyone’s favorite homophobic “comic” Jay Leno will put on his gayest face, prove just how much he adores boys who like boys, and attend an actual same-sex group marriage rally. As E! quotes the event’s spokesperson, “He said that he is from Massachusetts and that the sky did not fall in their state when marriage equality became the law of the land there...He wants to impress upon everyone here in California that the sky will not fall here either.” Yes, Jay. The sky will not fall on California, but we some interested parties certainly hope it falls right on top of you. More details on the event (get your fucking tickets NOW!) and the gay community’s reaction, after the jump:

After much laughter, present day Heigl asked the reason for the visit from her future self. Future Heigl said, "Well, one, I really needed a Capri Sun. We ran out of these in the future. For the most part, we're doing great in the future aside from the Capri Sun drought. Still working. Nailed the transition to the movies full-time for a little bit, but now, the dismount back into television is proving a bit more difficult. Go figure. Anyways, just wondering if I could borrow some money to produce a demo for Joshua? I thought that VH1 would pay more for a reality series, but the checks are a little smaller than I thought and taking their sweet time getting there." Present day Heigl seemed upset at the news of doing a reality series in the future, but Future Heigl assured her that it's done all in good taste and asked if it would be cool if she took the rest of the Capri Sun supply.