From the February issue of Esquire, the Burger King ad campaign hits unprecedented levels of ubiquity.

• Chanel gave Reese Witherspoon her dress for the Golden Globes, telling her it was vintage. In this case, "vintage" means "merely three years old and previously worn by Kirsten Dunst." Even worse, the dress was seriously NOT that cute. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss is so clean and sober that she was seen dancing disturbingly close to Jack Osbourne. See? REHAB MAKES YOU CRAZY! [Lowdown (last item)]
• Today, Britney Spears goes Hindu. Tomorrow, she explores radical Islam. [Scoop]
• Is Madonna working out too much, to the detriment of her own health? Certainly not if you like your disco gay pop goddesses to kill her dissenters with her bare hands. [R&M]
• Jonathan Cheban slips into his former office at Grubman-Cheban PR under the cloak of darkness for the ritual desk-cleaning. With him he takes three rolls of scotch tape, his rainbow Post-It pad, and a strand of Grubman's hair. [Page Six]

Lindsay Lohan is a true master of her craft. A lesser attention whore tabloid victim would've called it a night after showing up at a bar with last year's most celebrated cokehead, Kate Moss, and scrawling a nasty message equating rival Scarlett Johansson with a part of the female anatomy (or, in perhaps a worse sin, pandering to Brit BFF Moss by appropriating some slang). But not our Lindsay, who made her Sharpie wall-poetry merely the first act of her evening. Says Page Six:

Silly us: When we reported yesterday that Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan had hit the Lower East Side's faux-hip Dark Room, we assumed their night had peaked with Lohan using a Sharpie and a bathroom wall to express her feelings about that "cunt" Scarlett Johansson. We were certain that they went home after that, nice and early, like the responsible ladies we all know them to be.

No matter how hard we try, we can't quite connect the dots on a a joke that begins "Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan walk into a bar" and finishes up with one of the two rubbing her nose and instructing the bartender to "put it on her bill." (One of them probably needs to be carrying a duck, but whatever.) Anyway, the facts of Gawker's real-life tale of troubled dynamic duo Lohan and Moss, on the loose together in NYC last night, is much better than anything we could come up with:

We hear that last night at about 11:30, none other than Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss sauntered into the Dark Room during the Tarts of Pleasure DJ set. Apparently the BFFs were looking for a venue where they wouldn't be noticed, so Last Year's Favorite Blow Bar seemed an appropriate choice for two "recovered" drug users. The ladies stayed there for the remainder of the night (presumably because they love hanging out with folks like Carlos D and My Chemical Romance); over the course of the evening, Lohan expressed her fondness for Gang of Four while Moss laid low and acted model-like.

• Morgan Stanley boots 4 employees after they accompanied clients to a strip club. Apparently this touches on Morgan Stanley's touchy gender discrimination issues, but we find it just as offensive to assume a female staffer wouldn't want to take the high rollers to Scores. [Wall Street Folly]
• After three years of delightly offensive and brilliantly entertaining pro bono work, the Black Table throws in the towel and heads to rehab. [Black Table]
• Are they Yindies? Yupsters? Or just annoying fuckwit posers? [LA Weekly & Newsweek]
• A reasonably kind rationalization of your Life & Style habit, courtesy of Salon. [Salon]
• Slightly more pleasant than chugging glasses of Airborne. [Female First]
• Supermodel Kate Moss, always the bravest girl in Bolivia, agrees to return to London to speak with authorities about that whole cocaine thing. [Telegraph]
• Happy New Year, John Norris. You're gonna need it. [MisShapes]
• We may not LURVE New York's 101 restaurants, but we certainly wouldn't rather watch an episode of 2 and a Half Men instead. That's just crazy talk. [PDHyman]
• Club kid killer Michael Alig is baaack! [WOW]
• You can jack the price of hooch up all you want; it's not going to stop a single person from getting hammered at brunch. [Reuters]
• Get more for your money at Starbucks. [Slate]
• McSweeney's grows a precious new tentacle called Wholpin, for DVDphiles. [Cool Hunting]
• Is there any limit to the fun we can have at Tara Reid's expense? [Gallery of the Absurd]

• In her deposition in the $10 million slander suit filed against her by Zeta Graff, Paris Hilton admits to lying when planting a story claiming Graff had attacked Hilton in a London nightclub. Hopefully, this sort of revelation will lead to her impeachment from the celebutwat circuit. [Page Six]
• Having lost just enough weight to squeeze into her bad idea jeans, Britney Spears looks to have a marriage-saving child with K-Fed. [Scoop]
• Last week, Sean Lennon begged Page Six to hook him up with a date. But sobering up is never fun, and this week he doesn't really care to contact anyone who emailed to offer themselves. [Page Six]
• Supermodel Kate Moss is spotted frolicking about with a new beau, the unimonikered Jamie — who happens to be 11 years her junior. This would be the the fucktoy period of her post-scandal comeback tour. [IOL]
• Tom Brokaw and Harrison Ford are cranky, old. [R&M]

Kate Moss Signs New Contract [Virgin Mobile]
Putting Humor to Use in Some Reputation Rehab [NYT]

Spotted on Craigslist this afternoon:

• French Vogue and its editor Carine Roitfeld are, of course, the hotness, which is why they didn't back down from letting Kate Moss guest-edit their December issue. You can't keep a hot bitch down. [The Daily]
• You can, however, keep her on-and-off boyfriend, Pete Moss, under arrest for posession of Class A drugs, a category which includes all the good stuff. [AP]• Because 50 Cent is into having sex ain't into making love, he plans on creating big, blue dildos in his own likeness. How thoughtful. [FemaleFirst]
• How to deal with the loud late-night Disneyhell that is the LES? Says one Curbed reader: "I'd suggest that instead of an earlier last call, they simply stop PATH train and Staten Island ferry service, and increase the bridge/tunnel tolls to $100 at 2 AM." [Curbed]
• As it turns out, Elaine Van Hoorne — the much-photographed hipster carnie and partner of One-Half NelSon — is just another damn Cornell grad. Figures. [Cornell]
• Who's really stealing Christmas? The politically correct, godless freak-monkeys, that's who. Praise Christ and his Mas! [Zulkey]
• Do we believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would really have their wedding registry at Neiman Marcus? And that the most expensive item is only $430? [Just Jared]
• The breakup of Nick and Jessica leaves no man unscathed. [The Post Show]
• CBS is wooing Katie Couric with promises of that which makes a morning show host truly great: body oil and Manolos. [LAT]

• Battle of the meatheady Greek shipping heirs: Paris Hilton's new beau, Stavros Niarchos, exchanges heated words with her former fiancé, Paris Latsis. Then Niarchos vomits all over the club, because that's how Greek shipping heirs solve all their disputes. [R&M]
• Smackeriffic rocker Pete Dougherty has checked into the Meadows rehab center in Arizona — the very same clinic where ex-girlfriend Kate Moss underwent treatment last month. In this case, we're not so sure imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. [Page Six]
• Legendary diva Elton John will finally marry his longtime partner, David Furnish, on December 21, the first day civil partnerships of the Gays will be recognized in England. Congrats to Furnish, who no doubt has secured himself a lifetime of temper tantrums and ass-whippings. [NYDN]
• In a real estate "turkey" roundup, lofts at 30 Crosby Street are suddenly considered part of TriBeCa. Awesome — does that mean we can make Harlem part of the East Village? [Page Six]

· Kate Moss jumps around to music, topless, then falls down. 'Nuff said.
· Blame boredom, blame out-of-control teenage hormones, blame a Kim Catrall marathon on TNT. But whatever you do, don't blame the mannequin. It's merely a victim.
· Feature Films for Families is trying to improve Hollywood's lax morality, one annoying telemarketing call at a time.
· 50 Cent encourages parents to use his ultraviolent video game as a teaching tool. With schools all over the country dropping essential "Vigilante Execution of Drug Dealers" coursework from the curriculum in favor of useless sports and fine arts programs, he's got a point.
· Desperate Housewives' gay-seeming, budding serial-killer pharmacist writes a prescription—for creepiness.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline come to New York, where they take in a show, binge drink, and enjoy the city's world-renowned acrylic nail applications. [Page Six]
• At the rehearsal dinner for his wedding to Christina Aguilera, Jordan Bratman thanked his parents for his "good looks and large [cock]," as well as for raising him to be a total retard. [R&M]
• When she's not bouncing around, baring her mosquito bites, Kate Moss hits Barcelona and St. Barths. Yeah, that whole cocaine thing really destroyed her life. [Page Six]
• When asked whether she thought Nicole Richie had gotten too thin, Joan Rivers responded, "I truly don t watch any of that group of girls. I find that whole group to be such low-rent, it really doesn t interest me at all. What have they done?" [Scoop]
• We know it's a holiday week, and our brains, too, are already on mental vacation — but why is Lowdown writing about Bratz dolls? Did Brangelina buy one or something? Why is this gossip? [Lowdown]

We've no idea where it came from, when it was shot, or what it all means, but it's a video of supermodel Kate Moss, topless, performing some sort of glorious seizure-dance.

TimeWarner crapped all over our afternoon yesterday, meaning we were unable to get to the following minutae. We're sorry for inconveniencing your ADD.

Kate Moss continues her rise from the Bolivian ashes: Fashion house Burberry, home of the quintessential plaid favored by many a biddy and Diddy, has stepped forward to publically support supermodel Kate Moss, who lost millions in contracts after being featured on the cover of the UK's Daily Mirror banging rails of cocaine.

Great news from Kate Moss's Post-Rehab Comeback Tour: After the UK's Daily Mirror featured the supermodel playing Scarface on its cover, Moss continues to rebound from losing face and millions in contracts. Her path to recovery includes the cover of Vanity Fair and an upcoming feature in haughty V magazine.

• Yes, we are painfully aware that bits and pieces of Kevin Federline's ear-slicing new album have infected the internet. We're also aware that he raps with a sibilant "s" sound, but we think that just adds to the je ne sais quoi of his musical abortion. [Stereogum]
• You may have missed your chance to sleep with Elvis, but there's still a huge window on humping the dude who slept with a girl who slept with a '70s child actor who slept with Ann-Margret who slept with Elvis. [Craigslist]
• Proving that it is the ultimate in frat-boy evil, email newsletter Thrillist gives all lazy men the key to maintaining their relationships while secretly being a dick. [Thrillist]
• As if a rapist fireman-impersonator weren't bad enough, NYC now has a fake David Cross slumming the streets in search of tail! [The Apiary]
• Local political nutcase Chris X. Brodeur receives much-needed downtime in jail. [Gothamist]
• Hart+Larsson is hiring Kate Moss, and only Kate Moss. [Hart+Larsson via AdRants]
• Google continues to take over the world — but we'll be damned if we let those boy geniuses near our TiVo. [BigShinyThing]