Since Jon Gosselin won't let his innocent babies be on TV, TLC has charged Kate to raise other people's broods on a new series. What a cruel, cruel Twist of Kate.

On Monday night's episode of Dancing with the Stars, Kate Gosselin made a ~statement~ about her bad press with a horrible—and horribly awkward—dance to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi." Last night, Jimmy Fallon brilliantly reenacted it. Video of both inside.

Without lip gloss, will we even recognize her? Tiger Woods consults Buddhist prayers on his Blackberry. Michael Lohan pops the question to Kate Major. Whoopi Goldberg is on Team Jesse James. Wednesday's gossip roundup has seen a ghost.

This morning, the ladies of The View gave their reactions to Kate Gosselin's "statement dance" on Dancing With The Stars, wherein she awkwardly stomped around to Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi." Whoopi's reaction? A scathing stankface.

It's that time again! Tonight—from 8:00 to 10:00 PM ET on ABC—this season's 10 remaining Dancing with the Stars hopefuls will sashay across the ballroom for the judges' scores and your votes. More inside, plus your open thread.

Kate Gosselin is currently on Dancing with the Stars. She is also—still—a horrid, difficult piece of work. So it's no wonder that, on tonight's episode, her dance partner screamed, "I quit!" and walked out on her. Video inside.

It's that time again, folks. Tonight—from 8:00 to 10:00 PM ET on ABC—this season's 11 Dancing with the Stars hopefuls will sashay across the ballroom for the judges' scores and your votes. More inside, plus your open thread!

[The reality star in Pennsylvania today; image via INF]

Last night's premiere of Dancing With the Stars was entertaining: Shannen Doherty cried her eyes out, Pam Anderson danced as though she was doing the nasty, and Kate Gosselin laid it on thick as she played the pity card—hard.

Lady Gaga's former bassist wants his royalties. Sandra Bullock gets a divorce lawyer. Her husband's tattooed mistress loses a job for being a Nazi. Madonna leaves New York. Kate Gosselin can't dance. Tuesday's gossip is embarrassing itself in public.

Johnny Weir(d)'s flare for the dramatic was on full display tonight as he sat down with Joy Behar to discuss some current events. Somehow, the topic of Kate Gosselin came up—Weir did not mince words.

MTV is having all their top moneymakers examined. Kate Gosselin hates the dancing stars in her galaxy. Corey Feldman is banned from Corey Haim's funeral. Martha Stewart can't get laid. Monday's gossip got up an hour late.

[That's America's sweetheart Kate Gosselin going to dinner with her Dancing with the Stars friend in New York, after a seven hour hair appointment. After. Image via INF]

As soon as the words came out of Gerard's mouth, he regretted them. Corey Feldman defends Corey Haim. Jessica Simpson misses Tony Romo's "cute butt." Pattinson used to get beat up all the time. Thursday's gossip roundup has no filter.

[National hero Kate Gosselin realizes she's forgotten something, or eight somethings, as she leaves "Dancing with the Stars" practice in this, our New York City; image via INF]

It's somewhat disappointing that Evan Lysacek, Pam Anderson, Kate Gosselin, and Ochocinco were cast for a show and won't be clashing in a shared home. But DWTS Season 10's draw is precisely the opposite spectacle: Public figures improving their images.

Dustin Hoffman's starring in the Deadwood guy's new series. The Dancing with the Stars cast is out. Everyone's partying at the Oscars. The UN pitches movies. Welcome to the roundup, care for a cookie? Too bad. We don't have any.

• Alex Rodriguez's plan to bed every woman in Hollywood continues apace. The Yankee and Cameron Diaz are now hooking up, according to OK!, although now that the news is out, he's probably already moved on to someone new. Which is too bad, really, since RodDiaz has a nice ring to it. [OK!]
• Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray, was charged with involuntary manslaughter yesterday. (He pleaded not guilty and faces up to four years behind bars if convicted.) At the arraignment, prosecutors asked that Murray's medical license be revoked, but a judge turned down the request, so if you've been wondering what it's like to get pumped up with propofol, you still have time. [NYP, TMZ]
• It's been a busy week for Angelina Jolie. Yesterday she and Brad Pitt said they plan to sue Britain's News of the World for reporting that they're planning to divorce. And today she's off to Haiti to meet with earthquake victims, since they've been requesting her help—or so she says. [Us, PE]
• She may have spent every episode of Jersey Shore whining about not having a boyfriend, but Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi seems to have landed the man of her dreams: a "typical guido juicehead with a good personality," who also has waxed eyebrows, double-pierced ears, and a penchant for Ed Hardy. [NYDN]
• Despite recent reports that Donald and Melania Trump are having marriage troubles, The Donald says "all is well." Then again he said the same thing when his casinos were going bankrupt and his real estate holdings were imploding, so you may want to take his denial with a grain of salt. [People]

Sarah Silverman unleashes the rage of a thousand indignant female fans on an ex-boyfriend. Brangelina sues News of the World for the break-up rumor. I hereby nominate Kevin Federline to date Kate Gosselin. Tuesday gossip just wants to be loved.

Rosario Dawson leaving the Bowery Hotel ... Keanu Reeves walking in SoHo ... Larry King picking up food on Madison Avenue ... Renee Zellweger arriving at JFK ... Eliza Dushku and Rick Fox walking in the East Village ... Madonna arriving at the Kabbalah Center in Midtown with her kids ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts in Soho pushing their kids in strollers ... Amanda Seyfried picking up coffee in the East Village ... Natalie Portman taking a break on the set of Black Swan ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her townhouse in the Village ... and an unrecognizable Kate Gosselin leaving the Ted Gibson Salon before heading to dinner at Butter.