Last night's premiere of Dancing With the Stars was entertaining: Shannen Doherty cried her eyes out, Pam Anderson danced as though she was doing the nasty, and Kate Gosselin laid it on thick as she played the pity card—hard.


No, your ears aren't deceiving you: the reality/tabloid star is actually dancing around to Billy Joel's classic hit, "She's Always a Woman." For the lolz, here are a sampling of the lyrics:

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me