At least the Twitterati's woes were entertaining today: The mayor of San Francisco talked about butts; Paul Carr named Julia Allison's new scandal and a newspaper editor swore oddly at the difficulty of blogging.

Michelle Obama was the main attraction at Time magazine's sixth annual 100 "most influential" ceremony at Lincoln Center last night. She was joined by a predictably massive group of A-listers, including Oprah, Harvey Weinstein, Mort Zuckerman, Steve Schwarzman, Jeff Bewkes, Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Carine Roitfeld, Gayle King, Stella McCartney, Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, Jay Leno, Lorne Michaels, Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen, Charlie Rose, David Lauren and Lauren Bush, Ann Coulter, Suze Orman, Arianna Huffington, Kate Betts, Andy Serwer, Paul Krugman, Vivi Nevo and Ziyi Zhang, Andrea Mitchell, Chris Matthews ...

Today on The View, Ebert usurper Ben Lyons took his place next to Elisabeth Hasselbeck in what could only have felt more like a Defamer-targeted Last Supper if Joaquin Phoenix had crashed it, rapping.

Admit it: at times, when the fantasy of a live, Fox News-sponsored hatefuck with Elisabeth Hasselbeck simply won't do, your thoughts turn to The View's resident sexual lioness (when Barbara Walters isn't there), Joy Behar.

Perhaps cognizant that very soon they wouldn't have George W. Bush to kick around anymore, the ladies of The View brought the crazy shouting and insane assertions big-time this morning.

Peer into The View, and soon The View starts to peer into you. Before long, you may develop a sudden affinity for pirate shirts and a tendency to shout "William Ayers!"

Yesterday, Barack Obama's inauguration committee announced its choice for invocation speaker: controversial Saddelback founder Rick Warren. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, no doubt expecting a bomb-laden address from William Ayers, couldn't have been more pleased.

How is it Joy Behar has escaped our attention as a masterful interviewer for so long? Subbing on Larry King Live last night, she had her way with a prickly, pushy Alec Baldwin.

Now that America has finally elected a new president, our current one has given up pretending he cares about the economy, stuff, or Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Ever since Don Rickles appeared in the middle of the most painfully awkward Emmy ceremony ever and brought the house down by making fun of it, we've looked forward to the day when he would bring those same powers of incisive cruelty to The View. Today was that day.

The other day, The View's resident conservative/pirate couture expert Elisabeth Hasselbeck chose to assail Deepak Chopra not with any of the clear, New Agey ammunition at hand, but with the ethnically questionable order, "Go light a bowl of incense!" This comment, er, incensed some Indians, who saw it as a potential slur.

Though Elisabeth Hasselbeck has offended many during her tenure on The View, she's never quite had what could be called, in the show parlance, a "Ching Chong" moment. So named for Rosie O'Donnell's Asian language impression in which she shrieked, "Ching Chong Ching Chong!" and stopped just shy of declaring, "That was me, Rosie, playing an Oriental!" the gaffe is the type that incurs the wrath of an entire race, and Hasselbeck may have had her own in this morning's episode.

While promoting her upcoming variety show Rosie Live yesterday, Rosie O'Donnell shocked exactly no one by dishing dirt on her former View cohosts. “[Barbara Walters] wanted everyone to believe and think and act as if we get along and are really good friends and happy and hang out together, and, you know, that’s just not the reality," O'Donnell said. “I’m not saying they loathe each other, but the fact of the matter is, there was not a lot of camaraderie off camera.” We've heard similar stories, but O'Donnell's comments at least compelled the co-hosts to summon some on-screen camaraderie today in order to denounce both Rosie and intermittent Barbara-basher Star Jones. Sadly, we fear that their ridiculously transparent "The Former Co-hosts Who Must Not Be Named" shtick will only open the door for a publicity-hungry Debbie Matenopolous to attempt an unsolicited, aggrieved rebuttal in the pages of Life & Style.

Today on The View, Whoopi Goldberg (dressed as a Navajo jewelry saleswoman from Tuba City, Arizona) continued to press the topic that has quickly proved to be the show's brand-new, post-election argument starter: same-sex marriage.Very little has changed in the hosts' positions (and Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd continue to advance the idea that gay marriage means that churches will be sued, dismantled, and rebuilt into Abercrombie & Fitch superstores), but at least Goldberg was kind enough to start things off on a new level of inanity by confessing that this "suffrage" thing that people have wanted throughout history? She's not really sure what that is! Maybe it's about suffering? Kinda sounds like it! "I guess it's when black people had to, you know, they didn't want to die for being black," Shepherd offers. Yeah, it's either that or the right to vote. You know, whichevs!

Our operative on The View has informed us that in an attempt to curb the audience negativity toward Elisabeth Hasselbeck that's built up over the last political season, producers are encouraging her to host fluffier segments (like bargain shopping and makeovers!) and to discuss her family more on-air. Sadly, Hasselbeck's attempt to do the latter on today's edition resulted in husband-directed hysteria pitched at a level where only dogs and William Ayers can hear.While recounting a story about how her husband Tim simply wouldn't brave a long holiday line to buy some $6.99 napkins (But the bargain, Tim! It was so relatable!), Hasselbeck immediately began to flail and rewrite her marriage vows on-air. "Ohhh," moans an attempting-to-sympathize Barbara Walters, while secretly thinking, "You don't have people for that? Why, once I was at a dinner party hosted by Henry Kissinger and Chita Rivera, and I sent this kind cater-waiter out to procure the cannelloni au gratin for me at Sardi's. I tipped him with a signed headshot and a two-dollar bill, as was the custom at the time."

No Limitations! It only took twelve years, but the last week of The View finally put the program over the top to become the highest-rated show in daytime. In particular, the November 5 edition attracted the show's biggest audience ever (6.2 million), no doubt fueled by interest in Elisabeth Hasselbeck's concession speech the day after Barack Obama's historic presidential victory. When reached for comment, Hasselbeck responded, "William Ayers?" [Variety]

Who would've thunk it: apparently, The View's dunderheaded, error-ridden discussion of California's Proposition 8 didn't go over so well with the gay community! On today's show, Whoopi Goldberg divulged that the co-hosts had received angry phone calls from both GLAAD and Ellen DeGeneres in the wake of Friday's conversation. Unfortunately, Goldberg's list of errata and fact checks didn't stop Sherri Shepherd and Elisabeth Hasselbeck from committing a few more blunders.

Yes, we know, Sherri Shepherd used to think the earth was flat, and thus, we never should have put too much stock in her opinions. Still, it was hard, America! She really appeared to be trying, often showing up with research, shouting down false statements made by Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and then finally earning our affection with a tremendously affecting Obamalogue this past Wednesday. Sadly, the good times could not last, as Shepherd wandered back into the wilds of ignorance for today's View discussion of Proposition 8.Without Joy Behar around to rebut her, Shepherd ran rampant, tossing out right-wing talking points about the proposition (which took away the marriage rights awarded to gay Californians) like they were so many Sherri coins. First, she insists that without Prop 8, her pastor could have been sent to jail for preaching against homosexuality. Either she's referring to Swedish pastor Ake Green who was convicted, then acquitted of "hate speech" (under, y'know, Swedish laws) and became a religious cause celebre, or she's bringing up the falsehood that churches would be sued for not performing same-sex marriage. Just like they get sued so much when Jews want to marry in the Mormon temple! Oh wait, that doesn't happen. Barbara Walters attempts a weak rebuttal, but the audience is on Sherri's side. Eventually, even Whoopi concedes that if civil unions were strengthened until they reached a point that seems awfully separate but equal to our ears, maybe the gays would be happy and stop fighting so much. Or not! Clip above.

If there's been anything more contentious and exhausting than the battle to become the nation's next president, it has been The View's high-octane coverage of the election. Emotions still ran high on today's show, as an overcome Sherri Shepherd cried on camera about the impact of Barack Obama's victory. Before that, though, Barbara Walters turned to Elisabeth Hasselbeck and rightly noted, "All eyes are gonna be on you."

We were a little surprised to find out a while ago that actor Dennis Hopper is a longtime Republican — sure, he appeared in the right-wing satire An American Carol, but so, too, did he make Meet the Deedles. Today, though, during a hushed, absorbing two-and-a-half minute monologue on The View, Hopper detailed the Jefferson-led conversion that led him to become a Reagan Republican, as well as a deeply personal story that eventually led to his unlikely presidential vote for Barack Obama. If this clip somehow ends up getting taped over the "Crash series" part of Hopper's reel, we can't say we'll be surprised.