• Paris Hilton either added implants to "her A-cup" breasts or wants to spread gossip that she did so she can sell her stupid "push-up" bra. (Yes, you can click the thumb if you need a closer look. Yes, you will feel dirty. But don't you kinda feel that way already?) [P6]

• Roseanne Barr is outraged that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt haven't endorsed Barack Obama, so she's taken them to task on her blog for being evil and vacuous, and for "trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity." [P6, RoseanneWorld]
  

Is Johnny Depp Set to Celebrate His Unbirthday? Those casting rumors just continue to pile up for the actor, with unconfirmed reports that director Tim Burton has selected him to play the Mad Hatter in his forthcoming 3-D (!) adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. So far, only In Treatment's Mia Wasikowska has been confirmed to star in the megabucks live action/CGI film, but we expect an imminent announcement of Burton's wifely muse Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen of Hearts (even though we'd much rather see the wild-haired actress essay the Cheshire Cat). [The Herald]

The Golden Age of Villainy may be upon us. Between the accolades and eventual Oscar for Javier Bardem's singular evildoer in No Country For Old Men and the virtual repeat of the same cycle this year for Heath Ledger's Joker, no prospect stokes A-list egos these days quite like a chance to OD on wretchedness. Sony has enough confidence in the era to have undertaken development on the Spider-Man spinoff Venom, a full-length riff on Topher Grace's enemy from Spider-Man 3 that, naturally, will be recast with someone likelier to open a blockbuster. And now, after a few days of Angelina Jolie/Catwoman rumors tailing the Dark Knight follow-up, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Johnny Depp reportedly want a piece of the Bat-action:

The Brits are always fond of reminding us of just how many stars they’ve discovered, sent our way, and watched dominate the last decade’s Best Actress Oscar pool. And Keira Knightley is certainly one of their most notable success stories. But as much as they love gushing over their own born-and-bred A-listers, whenever a newer, younger little Brit with potential comes along, they love yanking that shiny crown off the last pout-y superstar and placing it atop the unknown’s pretty-ish head. Which leads us to 16-year-old Georgia "The Next Kiera Knightley" Groome, the upcoming star of the irresistibly-titled Angus, Thongs, And Full-Frontal Snogging, hailed by The Daily Mail as Bridget Jones for teenagers. But after reading more about the film and its quirky dialogue (imagine a script co-written by Diablo Cody and Anthony Burgess), not to mention its leading lady’s disturbing ignorance on all things Johnny Depp-related, we came up with three reasons why Georgia will have a hard time filling Keira’s impossibly narrow shoes:1. The Script Makes Bend It Like Beckham Sound Like Shakespeare: Diablo may have been able to get away with now-sticky phrases like "Honest to blog" and "Phuket, Thailand!" thanks to the plucky work of Ellen Page. But take a gander of these cringe-worthy attempts to make the next "fetch" happen from Angus: "'Oh my giddygodspyjamas" (what she exclaims when she sees a boy she likes), "nunga-nunga holder" (bra) and "Vulgaria!" (the biggest put down). Call us nuts, but we find it hard to get on board with a star whose "As if>!"-esque breakthrough quote-worthy line includes any of the above. 2. Georgia Has No Cokepants Escapades Or Nudity Scandals In Her Future: As she tells the Mail, "I don't think I could handle all that fame and attention...Basically, I like living with my mum and dad, I like living at home, I like school and I'd miss all my friends.'" Oh dear. We're not sure an actress can even get her passport stamped on this side of the pond spouting that kind of saccharine wholesomeness. At least Keira busts out an F-bomb or twelve in nearly every interview she's given. 3. Anyone Who Dares To Neglect Johnny Depp's Pre-Pirates Career Is On Our Shit List: And we don't care how young they are. On the topic of Depp, Georgia gets all gooey-eyed and 'fesses to a crush (permissible), but goes on to say she didn't know who he was before she saw his Keith Richards impersonation in the swashbuckling blockbusters. In our world, that kind of talk is pure sacrilege, even for a 16-year-old.

It's that time of year again, when Hollywood's biggest stars harvest their multiplex crops, drop the hammer on their mums and size up their places among Forbes's annual list of highest-paid movie stars. As we've come to expect, it's Will Smith's world, with the megastar and noted Scientology-school patron raking in $80 million since last June; the remainder of the list comprises mainstays like Johnny Depp ($72 million) and Leonardo DiCaprio ($45 million) along with slip-sliding shockers including Eddie Murphy and Mike Myers, each tied at $55 million thanks in large part to the Shrek franchise's enduring success.

We're happy to see today that the winged gatekeeper budget-monkeys on the set of Michael Mann's Public Enemies — who so scandalously sought to exclude scores of part-timers from the film's recent wrap party in Chicago — ultimately came around to relaxing their admission standards to the point where even Stephen Dorff was welcome. That would have been a good enough concession for the justice crusaders over here at Defamer HQ — but for Dorff's infamous urinal-queue archnemesis Jeremy Piven to show up as well? Jesus Christ, will they just let anybody into this place?

A new book claiming to unveil "fun, fascinating facts" about celebrities and their drug habits may just be a collection of ancient quotes and anecdotes. As the NY Post reports today, The Curious World Of Drugs And Their Friends promises sordid tales involving Lindsay Lohan and details from her substance-fueled evenings before cokepants and trees put them on the back burner, but the story they cite from a "friend" sounds eerily familiar to one of our favorite classic Lohanisms from over a year ago. And the celebrities quoted as being "unable to talk to anyone without a nose full of cocaine," and having "spent the first 35 years of my life in a fog" due to drugs have either kicked their habits long ago or already (endlessly) confirmed to the world that they were once big league nose candy fans. The stars "featured," and exactly how dusty these quips are, after the jump.

A Defamer operative sends disturbing word from the Chicago set of Michael Mann's Depp-as-Dillinger drama Public Enemies, where assistant best boy trainees and part-time bagel replenishers are now jockeying for a spot at the film's unusually exclusive wrap-party for "deserving crewmembers." We hear the 40-work-day minimum isn't stopping some serious last-minute politicking with the unit production manager and even with Mann himself, whose loyalty to well-connected extras has nothing on his famous weakness for sheepish, sad-eyed honey wagon drivers.

After yesterday's HamburgerGate drama from the set of Transformers 2, we know how poorly things can go when an extra's big, swinging ego good intentions override his place in a production's creative food chain. As if on cue, Vanity Fair contributor Bryan Burrough — whose book Public Enemies, about John Dillinger and the founding of the FBI, is being adapted by Michael Mann — chimed in at the magazine's Web site with a dispatch from his own cameo in Mann's film. Not quite surprisingly, we suppose, the spoilerrific Burrough fared a little better with his director than one "Hedgehog" did with Michael Bay:

Join us in wishing a hearty happy birthday to Natalie Portman, who turns 27 today. Actor and Parkinson's poster-boy Michael J. Fox is 47. Johnny Depp is 45. Neurologist and author Oliver Sacks will be celebrating his 75th birthday today. And restaurateur and playboy Giuseppe Cipriani turns 43.

Like it or not, nerd-turned-comedy-mogul Judd Apatow has tapped the fleshy center of the zeitgeist once again by unleashing Jason Segel’s manhood unto the world. And now, it looks like there’s a very hard hardcover release to look forward to in which Hollywood’s most legendary male assets are celebrated and outed — and we’re not talking shockers like Milton Berle. Among the nuggets revealed in Hollywood Babylon: It’s Back include the actor that's been called “donkey’d” by his female co-stars, the 1950s poster boy’s package was well-known in the prepubescent boy community, and who once posed nude for artists, earning himself the whisper, “It was the biggest I've ever seen. It made me drop my charcoal pencil.”

Obviously the forthcoming book Hollywood Babylon: It's Back is going to be the must-have ironic hipster book of the season, what with its collection of full-frontal shots of male celebrities like, allegedly, Mick Jagger, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ewan McGregor and, terrifyingly, John Malkovich. But in case you can't afford, or bring yourself, to buy the cock gawker for your coffee table, here are the Cliff's Notes:

Now that we've confirmed their likenesses beyond any reasonable doubt, the only thing left to wonder about Jonah Hill's planned feature adaptation of 21 Jump Street is whether or not he can pull off Johnny Depp's smoldering charm as Officer Tom Hanson, the undercover cop whose high-school crime-fighting exploits lasted four hit seasons on Fox in the late '80s. Sony, which is handling the movie version, confirmed only to Entertainment Weekly that Hill has been hired to write and executive produce; he has not officially been cast in any role, but if Depp's shoes indeed prove too sizable for Hill, there's always the Peter DeLuise part. Or, if he's feeling a particular lack of ambition, he could try Richard Grieco's doomed Dennis Booker.

Most stars have their own trademark pose on the red carpet. Think Renee Zellweger with her pursed lips looking like she just took a shot of lemon juice, or Lindsay Lohan's classic blowing kiss move. As for Keira Knightley, with her wildly perfect facial features and oddly appealing underbite, she's patented "The Pout." As she puts it:

Word over the Defamer transom this morning suggests yet another high-profile agency move, with UTA partner Tracey Jacobs reportedly packing her bags (and clients including Johnny Depp) for the greener pastures of Endeavor. Jacobs' departure would follow that of her colleagues Nick Stevens, Sharon Sheinwold and Lisa Hallerman earlier this month, further driving rumors of a UTA merger or sell-off as the talent division melts down.

• Britney Spears dug deep into her rolodex and found the last manager she had who was not totally insane. Turns out it was the one who discovered the singer. And who she told off while going crazy. Woops. [OK!] (Photo: X17)

It didn't take long for freelance ad designers (cough) to rise to the occasion after news leaked today that movie star Johnny Depp would think hard about helping to pump out advertisements for Trojan's "Magnum" line of plus-sized condoms. Predictably, the first batch of would-be ads are based on the actor's work in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, but there are probably some disturbing posters to be made from Sweeney Todd or Charlie in the Chocolate Factory stills, as well. (Click the thumb for a larger version of the ad parody.) [Fug]

Oh my! Johnny Depp, "subversive" entertainer of children, is very likely going to be the next spokesman for Trojan brand prophylactics. Specifically, uhm, the "Magnum" sized line of the gentleman's product that is typically used by sailors. Depp hasn't officially signed on, but as a "source" (hilariously) stated: "He's very interested and he's trying to figure out if he can fit it in." The ad company has a slogan all lined up in the hopes that Capt. Jack Sparrow (a sailor) follows through: "Stand up with Johnny for safer sex." The ribald, off-color advertisements will most likely appear in picture houses during a shore leave. Land lubbers are not expected to be influenced by the ad because, well, that would be like wearing a raincoat in the shower! [Showbiz Spy] After the jump, a saucy video-pamphlet for jimmy hats that was banned from the airwaves.

While we've attempted to handicap the Oscars acting races as best as we know how, we've failed to factor in one crucial angle: how yumcakes the male nominees look without a shirt on! Luckily, TheSword.com (site mildly NSFW) has come through, compiling A Shirtless Gallery of all the sexy thespians up for gold. It's a seemingly wonderful idea that takes a turn for the not-so-wonderful when they veer into Hoffman/Holbrook/Wilkinson territory.