Are you watching the Don't Ask, Don't Tell hearings on the C-SPAN3 right now? (Or maybe you are reading Ana Marie Cox's liveblog?) Guess what: John McCain is the worst.

Props to Cindy McCain for supporting gay marriage. Ditto Elizabeth Edwards, back in the day. But their husbands remain(ed) recalcitrant. Are political wives more liberal, or are they just saying what their husbands are too chicken to admit?

Gross itchy scabs Mark Halperin and John Heileman want to sell books by setting up Steve Schmidt and Sarah Palin in a cage match, argues Wonkette founding editor and Gawker Media alumna Ana Marie Cox on her Air America Radio blog.

It was inevitable that Republicans would invade Silicon Valley, for where there is wealth and corporate influence, there is GOP. Jill Hazelbaker, who oversaw McCain's 2008 transformation into a confused, media-phobic mess, will be Google's new spokesperson.

After London's smallish Obama on My Mind and Kenya's amateurish Obama: The Musical, Germany has finally created a true Barack Obama musical extravaganza with HOPE: Einer Neuen Generation. Palin has skanky back-up dancers and Reverend Wright sings angry gospel.

After a weekend spent frantically preparing for a series of important health care votes, our nation's esteemed Senators are bickering, exhausted and undersexed. And about one bitch slap from breaking down on C-Span and begging to be sent home.

Tonight, Glenn Beck's crazy train (or plane, per his tweet) made a stop at The Jay Leno Show for a mostly soft-hitting—albeit entertaining—interview, followed by a baking segment. Yes, really. Video of both, and some choice quotes, ahead.

Isn't that cute: Al Franken cuts Lieberman off during a speech, then Lieberman's BFF John McCain tags in and comes to his rescue. Anyone who thinks C-Span 2 is the dullest thing since C-Span 1 needs to watch this clip.

What is just the latest thing that respected American political figurine Sarah Palin has done? She was spotted cavorting about on the beach in a visor with John McCain's name totally blacked out. Her Sharpie-based assault has not gone unnoticed.

[There's nothing to hide the flaws in an extreme closeup of senator John McCain taken during an address to the Heritage Foundation in Washington. Image via Getty]

Riddle me this! What do Greenville, South Carolina, allegations of John McCain's illegitimate African American kid, Christian Coalition leader Ralph Reed, and former Dubya press secretary Ari Fleischer getting a blowjob have in common? No, really: guess. Ready? So awesome:

During the presidential campaign, John McCain stupidly announced that "the fundamentals of the economy are still strong," a statement that Barack Obama hung around his neck like a flaming car tire. Today, Obama hailed the economy's "core strengths." Whoops.

John McCain must be shaking his head. The former Republican presidential candidate has reportedly been approached by multiple publishers to write a book about that insane running mate he picked, Sarah Palin. And they're offering crazy amounts of money.

Sarah Palin writing a book was asking for trouble. Here it is. McCain campaign emails have leaked, and they're completely damning to the validity of the book's narrative. Involved: the "whack" Saturday Night Live, radio pranks, and McCain's campaign manager.

Today in "what on earth is Sarah Palin talking about": is John McCain responsible for all those legal debts she accrued that forced her to stop governing Alaska and instead write a steamy political romance-thriller?

On election night, Sarah Palin threatened to "go rogue" by delivering a speech someone else wrote for her, but John McCain refused so she didn't. Now you can read the addresses — both concession and victory — she would've given.

John McCain's 97-year-old mother was hospitalized in Portugal after a fall in the street.

We've all been concerned about the remake saturation that has plagued Hollywood as of late. Even though America has subconsciously begged for Footloose: Redux, our culture's fascination with all things old borderlines on pathological. Thank goodness, then, for Meghan McCain.

Ted Kennedy's funeral is underway, and so is the full court press barrage of media. Obama's delivering his remarks now. What do attendees, Twitter, Free Republic, and others have to say?

Jack Black turns 40 today. Jason Priestley of Beverly Hills 90210 fame is 40. Actor Ben Gazzara is turning 79. Country singers Shania Twain and LeAnn Rimes are 44 and 27, respectively. Olympic figure skater (and Celebrity Apprentice contestant) Scott Hamilton is 51. Actress Jennifer Coolidge is turning 46. Filmmaker Robert Greenwald is 64. And one of the Osmonds (Wayne) is turning 58. Some of the people celebrating birthdays this weekend—including Warren Buffet, Lisa Ling, and John McCain—are below.